DP not wanting to drive my DD to hospital to say goodbye to her dying dad

[Ifinkyourefreaky]

My ds 25 and dd 16 dad died yesterday, he's my exh. His diagnosis was 6 weeks ago and he went downhill rapidly. My DP of 7years had been doing lifts to and from hospital as he's the only one that drives out of us all.
My dd lives with me and ds lived with his dad.
My dp was already in a mood with me yesterday morning and then last minute through in that we needed to get my dd to the hospital ASAP before her DF died as she really wanted to say goodbye to him and he had only a couple of hours left if that.
My dp didn't want to take her said she shouldn't be there to see him die it will scar her for life, It resulted in her crying and shouting 'I need to see my dad to say goodbye' and he said to her he shouldn't have to be dictated to by a little girl.
He relented, complained on the way to hospital that he's just a taxi driver for everyone and he doesn't have to be doing this ect..... He dropped us at the hospital....30min drive and told us to find our own way home.

I'm I being unreasonable to think that if he was annoyed/angry he should have just kept his mouth shut and sucked it up for one more day, as he made the whole thing so much more traumatic for my daughter.

I kept saying to him, this is not the time for you to be venting at us now can you please stop.

I can't speak to him or see him right now, I'm so angry with him. He doesn't live with us BTW.

I have my driving test booked for next month and my son is almost ready to book his test.

My dp didn't want to take her said she shouldn't be there to see him die it will scar her for life, It resulted in her crying and shouting 'I need to see my dad to say goodbye' and he said to her he shouldn't have to be dictated to by a little girl.
He relented, complained on the way to hospital that he's just a taxi driver for everyone and he doesn't have to be doing this ect..... He dropped us at the hospital....30min drive and told us to find our own way home.

The highlighted bits are horrific.

THIS MAN WAS DYING. Honestly, if a remote acquaintance begged me for a lift to get to a hospital to see their dying father I'd probably take them.

These moments in life are rare but hugely hugely significant. Births, deaths, true emergencies. They are a test of us all. He has failed that test.

It's made worse by your daughter's age, the fact he drove her to tears AND then (knowing that this is likely to be the last time she sees her father so will be distraught) refused to drive you home.

The whys/wherefores of him being disgruntled about being a driver are irrelevant at this point because of the emotional weight of the moment.

This is a bad and nasty man and for me it would be the end of any relationship. How could you ever trust, rely on or care for someone like that?

And the award for the most pointless post goes to...

I don’t think I could ever get past that. There are certain times in life when you really need a partner to come through for you and when they don’t it shows you who they really are.

So he's been used as a constant taxi service by multiple adults and he finally lost it when he was being demanded that he must take her NOW?

Obviously his timing was shit but he obviously snapped and I can't exactly say I blame him.

Maybe the situation triggered him. Perhaps he’s got bad memories of someone close to him dying or perhaps the thought of death freeked him out.

He sounds like he has been great until this point. I am sorry for your family ´s loss.

Yes but it was not the time to make it.

There is another thread about the worst men we have had discussions about on MN this year

I voted pelicot.

Your 'd'p has just topped the list.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH THIS AWFUL PERSON.

Ffs. Grow up. Move on from him. He is racist kind of human being

His behaviour was absolutely wrong, he shouldn't have said what he did, but this situation is completely your doing. You should not be reliant on him for lifts. If you need to get places you need to be responsible for this yourself. With taxis and public transport. It never should have got to the point he snapped as you your daughter should have known she could ring a taxi. Change your attitude and he will change his.

That would be relationship ending for me, couldn’t share my life with anyone that inconsiderate.
sorry for children’s and your loss 💐

How could you possibly even contemplate NOT dumping him immediately after this?!

He's not a partner though he's the chauffeur / boyfriend. Who's clearly had enough.

I wouldn't be able to forgive this - it was unnecessarily cruel and nasty for him to create a scene at such a difficult time.

When my Nana was dying, I was the main driver as my aunt/sister and Nan's partner didn't drive.
I never occurred to me to feel put out by picking them up/dropping them off.
The whole situation was completely exhausting because I was very close to my Nan and going through the trauma of losing her, but I still did it all without complaint, and would again!

Your partner was an arse - your daughter is 16 years old and losing/lost her dad - that was not the time for him to start complaining of feeling like a taxi!! It was a time for him to just suck it up and be supportive.

I hope your daughter managed her goodbye and things were as peaceful as possible.

How anyone can behave so badly during a time like that is beyond me. Stupid man

she Is clearly staying with him as she keeps ignoring the leave him comments and responds about booking a driving test. Your poor daughter.

That is really unforgivable. Your poor DD will remember that forever and possibly hate him. Honestly you have a very hard road ahead. Love to you and your kids I can't imagine their pain and yours watching their pain. Hugs

OP you keep talking about your driving tests. PLEASE do not stay with this man. He used the absolute worst day of your daughter’s life to exert control and be an asshole.

it will be the undoing of your entire family if you stay with him

Unbelievably and unnecessarily cruel. There is no coming back from this.

I would drive a complete stranger 30 mins drive if it meant they could see their dying parent.

unless there is a huge backstory of abuse from your ex-DH or another there is just simply no excuse.

Love to your DD and DS, losing a parent so close to Christmas is deeply traumatic.

A former colleague of mine was in your position. Her new (female, for clarity) partner was awful and unhelpful about the dying ex (male) partner even when he was alive, and extremely unkind to her grieving step daughter. She made absolutely everything about her, refused to help with anything practical or emotional, made inheritance conversations a complete nightmare, etc etc etc. It absolutely wrecked their relationship, they didn’t last another year. It had a really bad effect on the grieving child who really felt like nobody was on her side. I honestly think it says a lot about your partner that he’d behave like this at a time like this.

Are you for real?

SEVEN YEARS this appalling man has been in their lives and he feels burdened by driving back and forth for 6 weeks whilst his step kids father is dying?

And then throws a strop on the eve of the man's death.

And you think there is even an ounce of reasonable about him?

Fuck me has the world descended to a new low.

Does he constantly get called on to drive your and your DD around? How do you manage with your job?
I agree that his timing wasn’t great, to say the least, and his words to your DD were unkind but what was the precursor to this argument? He doesn’t live with you so before he came round had you already asked him for a lift or did you wait until he arrived before you asked him? Did he then collect you from the hospital later?

Very disturbing.

He is your partner you’re a team, has massively let you and DD down in my opinion

He's not her step dad. He's her mother's boyfriend. Terrible behaviour regardless of what he is though.

Fucking hell. What have I just read?