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Original poster

DP not wanting to drive my DD to hospital to say goodbye to her dying dad

639 replies

Ifinkyourefreaky · 22/12/2024 09:17

My ds 25 and dd 16 dad died yesterday, he's my exh. His diagnosis was 6 weeks ago and he went downhill rapidly. My DP of 7years had been doing lifts to and from hospital as he's the only one that drives out of us all.
My dd lives with me and ds lived with his dad.
My dp was already in a mood with me yesterday morning and then last minute through in that we needed to get my dd to the hospital ASAP before her DF died as she really wanted to say goodbye to him and he had only a couple of hours left if that.
My dp didn't want to take her said she shouldn't be there to see him die it will scar her for life, It resulted in her crying and shouting 'I need to see my dad to say goodbye' and he said to her he shouldn't have to be dictated to by a little girl.
He relented, complained on the way to hospital that he's just a taxi driver for everyone and he doesn't have to be doing this ect..... He dropped us at the hospital....30min drive and told us to find our own way home.

I'm I being unreasonable to think that if he was annoyed/angry he should have just kept his mouth shut and sucked it up for one more day, as he made the whole thing so much more traumatic for my daughter.

I kept saying to him, this is not the time for you to be venting at us now can you please stop.

I can't speak to him or see him right now, I'm so angry with him. He doesn't live with us BTW.

OP posts:
SindySnowflake · 22/12/2024 21:42

This is one of those threads that is so outrageous I feel like there must be far more to it…

PatheticDistraction · 22/12/2024 21:42

Ohthatsabitshit · 22/12/2024 09:25

I’d drive a stranger off the street to say goodbye to their father.

This. 100%.

I'm shocked people are even validating his annoyance.

PatheticDistraction · 22/12/2024 21:45

Mamasperspective · 22/12/2024 20:23

Why didn't you just get a taxi? You said yourself that he's been doing all the trips backwards and forwards and you're getting annoyed at him for saying no. He's perfectly within his rights to decline but for you and your daughter to argue the point with him is super entitled. I appreciate it's for someone important to you and your daughter but it sounds like your DP had already been more than accommodating. You and your daughter should book some driving lessons.

Her daughter is 16.

Her daughter's father was about to die.

buttonousmaximous · 22/12/2024 21:57

He can be annoyed about being put up on all the time but this was not the time to have a strop about it. I'd find this hard to forgive.

Londisc · 22/12/2024 22:19

Ifinkyourefreaky · 22/12/2024 20:32

To all the posters feeling sorry for him because he's fed up of being the driver. It's not completely a one way street, I do stuff for him also. We always say thank you for the lifts, just as he always thanks me for helping him out with stuff and cooking his meal most evenings.
Does he do more for me than I do for him? Yes he does! But I have more commitments than him with work and my daughter so I'm busier than he is

Few posters felt sorry for him, yet you felt the need to respond to them... your children's father, has just died. Your daughter has serious physical and mental health problems. Focus on your children instead of strangers who may or may not agree with you here.

Balloonhearts · 22/12/2024 22:53

Sorry but I'm just going to be totally blunt here because I feel strongly about it. The way he treated your daughter when her father was about to die was emotional abuse. If this man remains in your daughters life after this, you are condoning and allowing the abuse of your child. And this is the kind of trauma that she will remember for a very very long time.

Actually cannot get my head around it for the life of me why it wasn't over the minute you got back from the hospital? He shouted at your devastated grieving child right in front of you. Over not wanting to drive her to her dying father. Yet you still consider yourself engaged! WTF are you doing? If my DP did that it would be a double fucking funeral and he wouldn't be riding up front!

blackerfriday · 22/12/2024 22:58

Balloonhearts · 22/12/2024 22:53

Sorry but I'm just going to be totally blunt here because I feel strongly about it. The way he treated your daughter when her father was about to die was emotional abuse. If this man remains in your daughters life after this, you are condoning and allowing the abuse of your child. And this is the kind of trauma that she will remember for a very very long time.

Actually cannot get my head around it for the life of me why it wasn't over the minute you got back from the hospital? He shouted at your devastated grieving child right in front of you. Over not wanting to drive her to her dying father. Yet you still consider yourself engaged! WTF are you doing? If my DP did that it would be a double fucking funeral and he wouldn't be riding up front!

Edited

I agree with this 100%. I'm pretty certain that even some of my neighbours would have leapt to help in this situation.

You really should re-think this relationship, but you're making excuses for him, so I doubt you will.

ClairDeLaLune · 22/12/2024 23:12

He made a heartbreaking situation for your DD even worse. That would be unforgivable for me, there would be no coming back from it. Dump him and concentrate on your kids, they need you.

KnitFastDieWarm · 23/12/2024 12:54

What a horrific cunt he is. I’d give a stranger a lift to see their dying parent, let alone my partner’s child - and i’d do so with sympathy and good grace.

Please leave this prick.

VacuumPacked · 23/12/2024 17:45

EmotionalSupportCuttlefish · 22/12/2024 18:58

it's not because we disagree, it's because you are being so horribly unpleasant to everyone. The Op doesn't need it.

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this doesn’t make any sense at all? but merry Christmas one and all !

CagneyAndLazy · 24/12/2024 07:21

CagneyAndLazy · 22/12/2024 13:54

Those of you who have said you'd not hesitate to drive complete strangers to a dying relative's bedside - such as:

@Ohthatsabitshit
@BelgianBeers
@Canyoudigityesyoucan
@Candy24
@Lentilweaver
@VeryStressedMum
@Allthehorsesintheworld

(I'm only @ing people in the hope they will see this and realise they really can get involved!)

Please, please do be true to your word and join those of us who volunteer an odd hour of our time with someone like RVS https://www.royalvoluntaryservice.org.uk/our-services/getting-out-about/ if you can spare even an hour or 2 occasionally.

There are never enough volunteers and it's especially important around Christmas time when services are sometimes limited.

So many people make throwaway comments about how giving and selfless they would be, given the opportunity, but it's often it's unfortunately just flippant rhetoric.

So please don't just say the words, put them into action and make a difference.

@KnitFastDieWarm

"I’d give a stranger a lift to see their dying parent, let alone my partner’s child - and i’d do so with sympathy and good grace"

Please do put that into practice. It would be very much appreciated by many people in need, as per my quoted post.

KnitFastDieWarm · 24/12/2024 10:08

CagneyAndLazy · 24/12/2024 07:21

@KnitFastDieWarm

"I’d give a stranger a lift to see their dying parent, let alone my partner’s child - and i’d do so with sympathy and good grace"

Please do put that into practice. It would be very much appreciated by many people in need, as per my quoted post.

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Thank you so much for letting me know about this - will be signing up!

JustSaltPlease · 24/12/2024 10:41

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 22/12/2024 09:20

Why don’t any of you drive?

ffs

CagneyAndLazy · 24/12/2024 18:47

KnitFastDieWarm · 24/12/2024 10:08

Thank you so much for letting me know about this - will be signing up!

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Thank you! It's so kind of you to consider helping.

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