DP not wanting to drive my DD to hospital to say goodbye to her dying dad

[Ifinkyourefreaky]

My ds 25 and dd 16 dad died yesterday, he's my exh. His diagnosis was 6 weeks ago and he went downhill rapidly. My DP of 7years had been doing lifts to and from hospital as he's the only one that drives out of us all.
My dd lives with me and ds lived with his dad.
My dp was already in a mood with me yesterday morning and then last minute through in that we needed to get my dd to the hospital ASAP before her DF died as she really wanted to say goodbye to him and he had only a couple of hours left if that.
My dp didn't want to take her said she shouldn't be there to see him die it will scar her for life, It resulted in her crying and shouting 'I need to see my dad to say goodbye' and he said to her he shouldn't have to be dictated to by a little girl.
He relented, complained on the way to hospital that he's just a taxi driver for everyone and he doesn't have to be doing this ect..... He dropped us at the hospital....30min drive and told us to find our own way home.

I'm I being unreasonable to think that if he was annoyed/angry he should have just kept his mouth shut and sucked it up for one more day, as he made the whole thing so much more traumatic for my daughter.

I kept saying to him, this is not the time for you to be venting at us now can you please stop.

I can't speak to him or see him right now, I'm so angry with him. He doesn't live with us BTW.

The more I read on MN the more I can't understand the state of the world today and how selfish people are!

You've been together 7 years, an established, long-term relationship. It was six weeks of driving. To visit the dying father of his step-children, whom he has known for 7 years. Although he was your ex-h, I am sure this was upsetting for you also (I don't know the backstory but even just on behalf of your children losing their father so young).

Yes your 'D'P might have been annoyed about all the lifts he was asked to do within the last 6 weeks but the day her father was dying was not the day to kick off about it (if he was really such a twat that he felt he needed to say anything at all).

Honestly, you need to bin him off. Seven years together with you and part of your family and this is how he treats your 16-year-old child on the day her father dies? Your daughter deserves better.

He's showing you who he is OP

I'm taking my test next month and my son is still having lessons and hasn't yet booked his test

Oh my good lord. Absolute depths of humanity.

Sorry for Dds sad loss.
DPs timing for his outburst was terrible but it’s not on to treat him like a chauffeur. And he could well have been thinking of DDs welfare wanting to avoid her witnessing a death. Being forced to do something he felt would harm her must have been infuriating. Could you not have asked a friend to drive her, or got a taxi?

TBH being used as a chauffeur for your entire family would piss me off no end. Why don't you or your DS drive FGS? And why can't you use taxis, if not? But you're right that yesterday wasn't the day to make a stand.

If I were you I would have told him to move out as soon as I got home. What an arsehole.

Oh for gods sake don't feel bad for him. He abused your daughter while her Dad was dying. If you stay with him know it will affect your relationship with her forever.

No I am not being funny but you need to leave this man.

How could the right man for you POSSIBLY be someone who made your daughter cry (even more) on the morning of her father’s death, called her a “little girl” to her face in a derogatory way and then made you and her get back from the hospital alone after she has seen her dad for the last time?!

Fair enough it’s probably been annoying for him having to do all the driving but for fuck’s sake there’s no excuse. You genuinely cannot keep seeing this man. It would be such a betrayal for your daughter.

Mumsnet is very weirdly anti non-drivers (and I say that as someone who does drive), so I'm not surprised someone has brought it up already. But your DP is a heartless bastard. I can understand if he was a bit fed up being the taxi driver for weeks, but now is NOT the time to bring it up. I would be seriously reconsidering the relationship.

Exactly what I was just thinking. I can’t get my head around his cruelty. Your poor DD.

Why are some people focusing on him being the only driver? That's not the fucking point. He's an arsehole and I'd leave the twat.

Oh so your staying with him then? He's been unimaginably cruel to your child but you've got a 'stand by your man' mindset?

He’s pretty heartless but other means of transport exist

I couldn’t forgive him talking to my dd like that though. So the relationship would be over for me

What a vile piece of shit. I hope you dump him. Your relationship is over. Your dd will never forgive him.

He is a monumentally awful man to behave like that. I’d drive through hell and high water to get anyone to visit a dying relative. Nevermind the child of a partner. Your first reply gets it right.

leave him behind.

What an awful, awful man. You and your daughter deserve better. My dad passed away recently, my partner can't drive and he left work immediately to get a bus, train and taxi to be with me. If your partner had any care for you and your daughter he would have taken her without question as many times as she needed. I'm so sorry for your son and daughters loss x

I do not give a shit that he thinks he’s a taxi driver. Her dad was dying and what a way to speak to your child when her dad is dying. How to make it about him? Yeah not about the fact that the Dad is dying. I’m sorry but that is absolutely disgusting. My mouth dropped wide open. How could he have even said that?

Absolutely dump his arse.

What a cunt.

That’s unforgivable. What an absolute cunt

He was being unreasonable given the circumstances, but why are you all relying on him? Two grown adults and a 16yo should be able to organise travel by themselves.

Why don't you or your son drive? What are you doing to put that right? Why couldn't you get a cab?

Maybe your dp doesn't like hospitals- who does! Maybe there was somewhere else he wanted to be. How many times had he already had to run you back and forth? You don't live together so you aren't a family unit.

If you rely on him all the time, I can easily see why he is fed up.

You don't live with him - he is your boyfriend and it sounds like he has spent the last 6 weeks ferrying people to the hospital and back. I imagine yesterday he was told he was doing it regardless of his own ideas for his day.

It's a shame he couldn't bite his tongue for one more day knowing it would be the last but I imagine he reached the end of his tether

Rather than ditching him as many previous posters have suggested I would say that you as a family have been through an extraordinary amount of stress the last 6 weeks and this has strained your relationship - but it is over now.

I think blaming your boyfriend for adding to your daughters stress is probably just deflecting your and her anger at her dad dying onto your boyfriend. She was going to visit her dying dad - I can't imagine she gave much of a shit if the driver was grumbling. It was never his responsibility to facilitate that visit.

Your boyfriend is a person too in his own right not an employee so if you want to continue to see him I would suggest you phone him - tell him that the last couple of months have been stressful buy it's now over and you are sorry for the strain it has put on your relationship. I think he did a lot that he didn't have to do - for you.

You might find that your boyfriend wants to end the relationship after the last few days anyway.

Why do women stay with men who can behave this way?
Quite a lot of the time I look at posts and think “Gosh, what would I do?”
but something like this is so far outside the bounds of how my husband (as a normal, decent human male) would behave.
For the sake of your DD you need to reconsider your relationship with this man, she won’t forget this.

This is one of the worst things I've read on here.
Your poor daughter, I hope she's ok

We were pushed for time to sort anything else out. Also my daughter has severe mental health issues around getting into cars with strangers. She suffers from severe anxiety at he best of times.

Try reading all the OP's replies before you reply to a thread for gods sake.

He was a massive cunt OP and I doubt your dd will ever forgive him. I'm so glad you don't live with him, makes it much easier to move on.