DP not wanting to drive my DD to hospital to say goodbye to her dying dad

[Ifinkyourefreaky]

My ds 25 and dd 16 dad died yesterday, he's my exh. His diagnosis was 6 weeks ago and he went downhill rapidly. My DP of 7years had been doing lifts to and from hospital as he's the only one that drives out of us all.
My dd lives with me and ds lived with his dad.
My dp was already in a mood with me yesterday morning and then last minute through in that we needed to get my dd to the hospital ASAP before her DF died as she really wanted to say goodbye to him and he had only a couple of hours left if that.
My dp didn't want to take her said she shouldn't be there to see him die it will scar her for life, It resulted in her crying and shouting 'I need to see my dad to say goodbye' and he said to her he shouldn't have to be dictated to by a little girl.
He relented, complained on the way to hospital that he's just a taxi driver for everyone and he doesn't have to be doing this ect..... He dropped us at the hospital....30min drive and told us to find our own way home.

I'm I being unreasonable to think that if he was annoyed/angry he should have just kept his mouth shut and sucked it up for one more day, as he made the whole thing so much more traumatic for my daughter.

I kept saying to him, this is not the time for you to be venting at us now can you please stop.

I can't speak to him or see him right now, I'm so angry with him. He doesn't live with us BTW.

Oh and everyone saying he had a point, you are awful human beings.

Yes yes yes. Thank god there are some reasonable and good people on here. I am appalled at the number of people who have any sympathy for this awful man child throwing a hissy fit and refusing to take a child to see their father on his death bed. My god. This thread has shaken me to the core

I can’t believe you would ever want to see him again after doing this to your daughter.

Stop calling this man a stepfather. He's not.

Really Way to miss the point. The kids dad is dying suck it up. I have neighbours that have caused me legal troubles also serious they are just dicks. If they came to my gate and said my dad is dying I need a lift I would drive where ever they needed and wait for them. That is being a decent human being. Kindness is free and when you have a relationship with the people you wait in the waiting room you offer to get food or you have something nice for them waiting. People remember that stuff.

Your poor DD. Describing a teenager who wants to see her father because he only has hours to live as a 'little girl' 'dictating' to people is absolutely appalling. I don't drive but I wouldn't think twice about giving taxi fare to an acquaintance in that situation if they needed it, never mind a family member.

He made an already traumatic situation even worse. Heartless. I couldn't stay with him after that.

There is no coming back from that. Leave that selfish and immature 'man'.

He made this all about him and threw a tantrum when your kids must have been so, so upset to lose their father within such a short period of time. What a terrible shock to them.

The fact that a grown man could watch an already upset girl cry her eyes out because she might not be able to say goodbye to her dying father because he was whining about driving is beyond the pale.

'@Edingril
He is you chauffeur not your partner, so maybe he has a point?'

Complete empathy bypass...frankly you should be ashamed of yourself for posting this.

'@OnlyMabelInTheBuilding
Why don’t any of you drive?'

Missing the point entirely.

Would you drive them backwards and forwards for 6 weeks? Half hour there, wait an hour or two or three and half an hour back.

Would you continue to accommodate them when they needed to go NOW regardless of your own need to be at work or if you had plans of your own.

If you say that you would I will assume that you are lying or have absolutely no responsibilities of your own.

I F'ing would and I don't even bloody know them. Anyone that wouldn't and would complain about it is an asshat and deserves a double portion of hell.

Out of interest OP how many times has your boyfriend done the 2/3/4 hour round trip to the hospital in the last 6 weeks?

WTF!?

Did you start drinking before breakfast today?

This.

Your ‘D’P is a cruel and nasty man. Give yourself and your DC a great Christmas present by dumping him. He doesn’t care about your DD and he certainly doesn’t care about you. Nobody with any compassion would act like that. You’d be much better off away from this man.

It will also help ameliorate your DD’s memories of her DF’s passing. Yes, she’ll remember the words of this cruel bastard but that will be counteracted by how you stood up for her and dumped him.

But these people aren't strangers, this is his partners daughter who has been in his life for 7 years.

I would absolutely end it with him over this and not even feel unsure about it.

I do think it’s pretty shocking that you’ve relied on him for lifts for the past 7 years though.
There’s no reason why you couldn’t have been doing your lessons way before now.

It is lucky that he was there so it was even possible for your kids to see their dad even once, so I would thank him for that.

And it’s ok if he has an opinion on not seeing someone die, as many people are scarred for life over seeing their loved one die.

However, he should have listened to the adult SD and taken her regardless and definitely shouldn’t have gotten in a mood with her.
This is something none of you will ever forget and you have no choice but to end it as you will always resent him for it.

Unforgivable. Please leave him.

That is horrendous self centred controlling behaviour. Whatever his views on her being with her dad when he dies are irrelevant and he should have kept them to himself. She is 16 well able to decide this for herself how dare he make an incredibly distressing and traumatic time worse. I could not be with a man that treated my kids like this when they are at their most vulnerable.

Yeah, I couldn't get past this.

Empathy for a child losing their dad isn't something that should be up for negotiation..

You 'D'P is not a nice person, and your children will never forgive him for this, and never forgive you if you keep this relationship going.

Why is he constantly transporting a 25 year old around especially if she's not his own daughter?
My sympathies are with him.
FF's sake all of you learn to drive and stop being literal passengers. You'll then be able to drive yourselves to your own personal crises - and maybe YOU can help HIM out in the future.
If I were him I'D be leaving YOU not the other way round!

So you don't have a job to be at?
Don't have kids that need dropping or collecting and minding?
Don't have any other care responsibilities?

Hospital transport will be over run with volunteers after Christmas!

He is just my boyfriend atm. We are engaged to be married at some point and yes he has been traumatised by watching a relative die many years ago.

Sounds like he's felt like a taxi driver for your whole family for the last 7 years (given none of you drive), never mind just the last 6 weeks, and his frustrations probably spilled over.

However, this was absolutely NOT the time for him to express those feelings. It was extremely inappropriate, and it sounds like with everyone's heightened emotions, he mocked your DD in the process. That to me is the unforgivable part, and I'd be reassessing the relationship based on that alone.

The daughter is 16.

Please read the OP’s posts properly before pulling in.

If this was me, I would be driving you back about forth - no question, I'd bend over backwards to be there for you, especially at this difficult time.

It's not a question about who does and doesn't drive and why or why not - it's a question about doing the right, compassionate human thing.

OP you deserve better.

I'm so sorry you're going through this @Ifinkyourefreaky and even more sorry for your DC. This man is a twat and you deserve better. Throw him back in the sea. You don't need him, or his shitty attitude!