DP not wanting to drive my DD to hospital to say goodbye to her dying dad

[Ifinkyourefreaky]

My ds 25 and dd 16 dad died yesterday, he's my exh. His diagnosis was 6 weeks ago and he went downhill rapidly. My DP of 7years had been doing lifts to and from hospital as he's the only one that drives out of us all.
My dd lives with me and ds lived with his dad.
My dp was already in a mood with me yesterday morning and then last minute through in that we needed to get my dd to the hospital ASAP before her DF died as she really wanted to say goodbye to him and he had only a couple of hours left if that.
My dp didn't want to take her said she shouldn't be there to see him die it will scar her for life, It resulted in her crying and shouting 'I need to see my dad to say goodbye' and he said to her he shouldn't have to be dictated to by a little girl.
He relented, complained on the way to hospital that he's just a taxi driver for everyone and he doesn't have to be doing this ect..... He dropped us at the hospital....30min drive and told us to find our own way home.

I'm I being unreasonable to think that if he was annoyed/angry he should have just kept his mouth shut and sucked it up for one more day, as he made the whole thing so much more traumatic for my daughter.

I kept saying to him, this is not the time for you to be venting at us now can you please stop.

I can't speak to him or see him right now, I'm so angry with him. He doesn't live with us BTW.

I’m sorry you felt under pressure to go, how awful. I didn’t go but my mother did, twice, and described the scene to me in great detail despite me asking her to stop. I still have intrusive thoughts about the images her descriptions generated many years later.

and didn’t stoop to name calling

brilliant

It resulted in her crying and shouting 'I need to see my dad to say goodbye' and he said to her he shouldn't have to be dictated to by a little girl.

Very sorry for your loss OP and especially that of your children.

With that said, as a non-driver myself, I can’t imagine allowing this to go on at such a traumatic time for my child….

I would have gotten in a taxi ASAP rather than put my child through this.

A young girls dad was dying, this isn't going to be a weekly occurrence is it

I can imagine being a bit cheesed off if it was lots of driving to after school activities etc. but their dad was dying, for goodness sake!! I mean. It wasn’t going to go on for ever, was it?? I think this compassion- bypass that your partner has can only be viewed as a warning sign. Gosh, even if he felt that way, he should’ve just kept his big mouth shut. Dump him. You deserve better. Give him some petrol money and say adios

Eh? Why?

you probably need to eat something

As a driver I sometimes get offered petrol money by those who cannot be bothered with the hassle of learning to drive.

please understand that being offered 40p a mile or whatever in no way compensates for the hassle of giving these grifting types endless lifts.

For me, kindness and empathy is extremely important in a life partner. Probably the most important thing. So this would be the end of the relationship for me. No turning back.

I can see how frustrating it must have been for him over the last 6 weeks, he's done an awful lot of driving back and forth for you and the kids. But he knew their dad was about to die and they needed to say goodbye, knowing this was probably the last run to the hospital he would have to do…… and he acted with the opposite of kindness and actually made an upsetting and stressful situation 10 times worse. He 100% should have kept his mouth shut that day and acted with empathy, but instead he chose to be a dick.

because we recognise random parameters ?

That is absolutely disgusting behaviour. I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship. He is a very cruel, uncaring man.

this is an irrelevant opinion isn’t it? dh hardly the same as live out boyfriend

I did say anyone - meaning anyone I know- not a complete stranger. There's possibly not that many people who would give a total stranger a lift if they stopped them in the street. Or maybe they would who knows.
However volunteering in any capacity is always worthwhile.

He’s probably looking forward to a well earned break from being a free taxi!
Put your feet up mate!

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

as is your uncomprehending input

I think everyone agrees that he was completely out of order and made a horrible situation far worse.

Now you need to decide whether to continue the relationship. You’ve been together for seven years so you know him well.

In your shoes, I’d think about who he’s been and how he’s behaved over those seven years to make my decision. Good luck during this difficult time. 💐

The OP is dealing with the world as it is, not as she would like it to be!

I’ve reported this offensive comment also on behalf of @OnlyMabelInTheBuilding

Your poor DD. It was an emergency, I totally understand why ordering a taxi didn't make sense. If someone was at my house and got that kind of call I'd drive them whoever they were, let alone my partner and her child who I'd known since they were 9! This isn't about the driving but his absolutely horrible attitude on such a difficult day. Unless he's otherwise a positive addition to your life and is now deeply apologetic and making proper amends to DD, I'd think seriously about whether you want to be with someone who can be so monumentally self centred.

explain

Because it's irrelevant. Whether or not the OP passes her driving test, her partner has failed the Decent Human Being test.

I’m so sorry. I’ve been through something similar this year and it was - and still is - heartbreaking. The fact that someone made that more difficult for your dd must be dreadful.