DD has regifted something to me for my birthday which has been lying around the house for 3 years

[Thepeopleversuswork]

I’m really upset but not sure if I am overreacting or how to handle.

DD (13) has just presented me with two regifted presents: they are both things she made to be fair and they are lovely but they have been in our home for three years one of them was sitting on my desk for a few weeks. They are very familiar to me.

She had a budget from me for Christmas shopping (including my birthday) and I know she has spent a lot of care and love on buying presents for her aunt and her school friends.

I don’t have a problem with regifting in principle but I think giving someone a household object they see every day and presenting it as a birthday present is a real fuck you.

I am really quite upset but I am not sure if I am overreacting and need to find a way to handle it without being really grabby or consumerist and insisting on expensive stuff.

You have handled this really well OP. I have a child that age and would certainly feel the same. You have parented well in your conversation with her and now she wants to make amends so try to enjoy your time at that cinema together. It's good that she wants to make things right. She has hopefully got you a thoughtful Christmas present so scrimped on your birthday.

You gave her money to buy presents so I would be wondering why she didn't spend any of it on you, and instead chose to wrap up something on your desk!

You did the right thing, OP, it's important to address things like that at this age to teach her for the future.

Probably not no.

Poor kid

What an odd question!
What makes you think OP needs a parenting course?

My 13yo dc never worked and never earned, so they could not give presents to me, or aunts or anything. There was also no exchange of Christmas presents with their schoolmates as they did not earn. For birthday presents of their mates we gave them money and they would buy them. I am the main breadwinner in the family and I never bought birthdays or Christmas gifts for dc, I paid their tuition fees with a great difficulty. Obviously I bought them what was needed, i.e. iPads, etc., skates, camping tents, but no gifts. They got gifts from grandparents and godparents, but not from us and we only got what they made with their hands during craft lessons, etc.

Here we go, parenting by committee. Fun times.

@OneAmplePearlKoala

wrong! Lots of adults like to celebrate their birthday, it’s not just another day for them. And why shouldn’t they?!

You think your child is saying "Fuck you" to you? Sounds like you need to work out why you feel like that and why you've allowed her to think those were appropriate presents. It's a learning opportunity for her.

I absolutely agree with this.

Pathetic

@Illjusthavethebreadsticks

eh?! How have you got to that?? Poor OP more like!!

@OneAmplePearlKoala

lol what’s pathetic about it?!

This is the sort of trick I would have pulled. I would have spent the budget on my friends and thought “whoops” when it came to mum. It is just thoughtlessness on DDs part. We got passed it by mum just rolling her eyes and telling me not to get her a gift as she didn’t want me to waste my money and then she wouldn’t be disappointed. I get her lovely gifts now!

It's not a fuck you, she's 13.
Also, she made it. So it now belongs to you only.
If an adult did this then that's different, but she's a kid.

Was this for your birthday? Is it possible she spent more on your Christmas gift? I would hang fire till after Christmas morning. If a suitable gift doesn't arrive I think it would be wise to let her know you feel a bit hurt by the lack of thought. Tell her obviously hand made gifts are cherished but only when they have been made with love for an occasion not just left round the house for 3 years and then given as a thoughtless gift.

I'm glad you've made up, hope you both have a lovely time at the cinema.

Has she budgeted like that before? If it's her first time buying for a reasonably large number of people I can understand her coming unstuck. Even a tenner each (which doesn't buy much these days!) would seem like a fortune and it would be very easy to buy something for £12.99 for each friend and then run out.

A valuable teen learning experience I guess!

She's learnt a lesson, don't feel too bad that she messed this one up. I think a trip to the cinema on her is a lovely gift and could end up a bit of a Christmas tradition, so hopefully something really nice will come out of this. You handled things brilliantly.

You gave her money to buy you a present and she gave you something she already had. So where is the money? Has that been spent on her aunt and friends? In which case I'd be a bit pissed. But she is only a kid 🤷🏻‍♀️

She's 13 not 3!
Some of these comments are ridiculous. YANBU

I would honestly have let this go. I’ve had some shit presents off teen dd whilst she puts more thought into things for her friends. It’s no reflection on how she feels about me. I’m her favourite person in the world I know this.

I bet she’s overspent on her friends, because for teenagers that is the most important thing. She’ll be keen to ‘buy’ social currency and good favour. And probably feels she doesn’t have to try with you so has given you the dregs. Understandable, but definitely a teachable moment that you also deserve consideration and care.

I’m afraid, I agree. My DS13 is not the most perceptive of children and we’re not a big present-giving family (my husband and I literally just buy each other bars of chocolate for our birthdays!!) but even he wouldn’t do this. At the very least, it should have been given along with a “I’m really sorry, mum, but I accidentally spent too much on X for aunty Jane. I wanted to buy you Y but I didn’t have enough. I’m going to save up the rest to have enough to buy it in January.”

She's 13! I think you are overreacting!
Accept the gifts graciously, you are expecting too much. She loves you, and a more expensive gift wouldn't prove that more.

I think the OP has made it clear that this is absolutely nothing to do with her wanting an expensive gift. It’s about the total lack of thought and care.