DD has regifted something to me for my birthday which has been lying around the house for 3 years

[Thepeopleversuswork]

I’m really upset but not sure if I am overreacting or how to handle.

DD (13) has just presented me with two regifted presents: they are both things she made to be fair and they are lovely but they have been in our home for three years one of them was sitting on my desk for a few weeks. They are very familiar to me.

She had a budget from me for Christmas shopping (including my birthday) and I know she has spent a lot of care and love on buying presents for her aunt and her school friends.

I don’t have a problem with regifting in principle but I think giving someone a household object they see every day and presenting it as a birthday present is a real fuck you.

I am really quite upset but I am not sure if I am overreacting and need to find a way to handle it without being really grabby or consumerist and insisting on expensive stuff.

Calm down 😂

That's so shit
Wrap up a bath mat and give it to her for christmas

@MsNeis

it’s not her daughters jobs to appreciate her mother? Why? Surely kids should they appreciate their parents?

@topcat2014

If Op needs to make Christmas about people rather than presents does this mean she can scale back on her daughters gifts this year?

It's not the daughter's job to build the self esteem of the mother, no: that's what I meant. In my opinion, of course.

Wow you got a bit of a kicking on here 🥲

At 14 dd is well old enough to know and go and get you something nice - esp in the fact you gave her a budget - what was it out of curiosity - for 5/6 adults plus any left over for friends

And she give you something you already had ffs

I would def be annoyed at this

My dd is 7. She went shopping with one of my friends with money I gave to get me stuff as was upset she didn't get my anything on Mother's Day as dh and I had split and he didn't take her (arse)

She had great fun last week picking stuff for me with my friend. It's not anything that really costly but just that dd chose it

She is 7 so needs help

Your dd is 14 so ca. go alone and didn't

Glad it is now sorted with cinema but I hope she also gets you something nice for Xmas

Smellies
Candle
Book
Photo frame
Slippers
Chocolate

Etx

It's not her daughter's job to appreciate her mother? What kind of mother-martyr are you?!

Showing appreciation is hardly the same as building self esteem. How are you making such a reach?

OP, YANBU. My DD didn’t buy me a birthday present one year (aged 19)- she just couldn’t be bothered. Not even a card! I had spent a huge amount on her over the past few years, and this was a sign to me that she was taking me for granted. I wanted to teach her that this wasn’t nice, and that if she did this in future to partners it wouldn’t be well-received. I had strong words with her about how hurtful it was. It has actually strengthened our relationship.

I don't think you're overreacting.

Tell her you feel her gesture was a real "fuck you" amd if she didnt feel you were worth the thought or the effort, she should have said that and had a conversation with you as to why. Don't mince words.

100% agree with @InkHeart2024.
We are easily raising children to be self entitled and selfish, pandering to their needs and pretending to expect nothing in return.

I have one who enjoys thinking about what someone would like for a gift and the other who once could easily gift me my old dressing gown but knows now to do better having been told to make an effort. They do know it’s not about the amount of money spent.

I totally agree with the lack of consideration for you.

She's put everyone else above you and that's not right.

All the posters making excuses for teenagers will be moaning in years to come...my adult child doesn't respect me or ever think of me for birthday/xmas presents.

Agreed. Some of the excuses people are making for this are ridiculous. She’s 13, not 3!

Too much pressure ! She isn't being sent down a mine !

I'm afraid I'd interpret that "gift" as a giant "fuck you". I would be re-wrapping it and returning it to her on her birthday. If its good enough for you, it's good enough for her.

I hear you OP and it’s normal that you would feel unappreciated when you are the only person she hasn’t got a gift for. Unfortunately, at that age we are their “safe” person, so although it feel hurtful and like you were an afterthought, it’s not quite that black and white in the mind of a teen.

If she was 7 then I’d say suck it up but at 13 she should know better, that’s not ok. Even if she made something recently that would be ok but not something that has been knocking around the house.

Excuse me, what is your problem? Why such a strong reaction to a stranger's opinion on the internet? What do you know about my experience of motherhood? I'm not the one making myself look like a victim here or projecting my sh*t onto others.
You clearly have a different opinion, and that's fine. But I've attacked no one here, I merely expressed my opinion and, in fact, with the aim to get OP to reconcile with her daughter. Go with your childish reaction somewhere else. Merry Christmas.

I would act super confused and ask her why she's giving this to you when she's already given you it previously. Get dad to speak to her.

I definitely don’t think you’re being unreasonable here, for her age. My mum was a single parent till I was around 12 and out of my pocket money I would buy her her favourite chocolates, and other little bits I knew she liked. It was never anything big, but she was always happy for the thought. When my stepdad came along, he would then help me take care of more elaborate/spoily gifts if I asked for the help with shopping etc. Now I help him 😂

I don’t really understand the MNers out there who insist they’re happy with a used tissue and a slobbery kiss, there’s nothing wrong with teaching your children the value of consideration. It shows they notice you enjoy things too. Even a small gift like a box of chocolates, a hand cream or a little £1 RSPB badge, simply because they thought you’d like the Robin one. Obviously little ones are a bit different, but a teenager who is buying for friends can surely pick up a little trinket for Mummy too. Very glad you’ve sorted it, if she pays for the tickets, you get the ice cream 😋

Wrap up a pair of her socks and a used lipgloss for her Christmas present.

Happy Christmas dear daughter, now next year let’s start again!

So unbelievably weird that people want to purposely upset a child when obviously (given the daughter’s reaction when confronted) the intention wasn’t to be hurtful or mean.

Some of you really need to take a look at yourself and grow up.

If talk to her. Sustainability and do include regifting. She may have learnt it at school but not quite understood how it fits in with social norms and that it’s not ok to give do done their own objects. There may have been a budgeting lesson to be leant. Go lightly but do say something x

God, there's some hard-hearted people on here! Sorry you've had so many nasty comments - par for the course on these threads, sadly.
I would be hurt. She was given money to buy you something and you said she was thoughtful when buying other family members' gifts. Perhaps it was because she didn't have an adult out with her helping her to choose?
Also, people have very low expectations of teenagers on here! They're 'supposed to be' selfish, apparently. What a shame.
Happy to say that my two sons, now in their 20s, have always been kind and thoughtful.