Is this enough for Christmas??

[FootballGrump]

Every year, “Father Christmas” brings our children one gift. One gift only… it could be a scooter or a lego set or a Tonybox or similar, they are still young and their taste is not extravagant.
Both sets of grandparents also get one gift per child that goes under the tree, typically something smaller (a dolly, a toy car etc).
In total, each child will have 3 or max 4 gifts to open on Christmas day. One “main” gift plus 2-3 smaller ones from close relatives. Plus a stocking full of bits and bobs.

We think this is ample and our children are delighted with it. Most people these days seem to spoil their children way more so I guess my AIBU is regarding what to do now my eldest is aware enough to start comparing with friends.
Some friends have hinted they think we don’t give our children enough toys.
I disagree, I think they are very fortunate and I already feel they don’t have enough respect for their toys (breaking things, losing the small parts, not putting stuff away). I remember being really attached to my toys and treasuring them, I would like to see more of that in our household.

I just can't imagine the scenario: children waking up, buzzing for the excitement of the day. And there's 3 gifts to open. The end.
OP, you say you want it to be magical, but where is the magic and joy here?

I know lots of people go on about the 'real' magic of the day is family time, food, games etc. but for us for example, we eat a home cooked meal together every single day. We spend a great deal of time playing games together. We have no other family around us to spend time with. Without the fun and enjoyment of a room full of presents (which is easily done as we have 5, soon to be 6, children), it would just be another normal day for us, but with a pretty tree up.

So, I'm with the You Could Do More crowd.

I recall being puzzled at my mother pretending about Santa but common sense made me realise the story just didn't work - I remember thinking "surely she wouldn't lie?" I could not understand why she should do this.

Do you buy anything during the year? What does birthday look like? Do you buy books at other times of the year?

I know someone who spends an absolute fortune on Xmas for her primary aged kids, think atleast £1000 each. She moans like hell that her kids demand more and more stuff and are always breaking their toys and gadgets. She sees no link between going totally OTT at Xmas to the point where they just see stuff as disposable, and their behaviour.

I think you have it right to be honest.

And to those saying it "sounds shit", well I am absolutely on the ropes financially this year and my kids are getting two cheap presents each because my budget is so low. So thanks for making me feel crap that they will be getting a shit Xmas.

I think do what works for your family. I was talking to my teen about this yesterday and she said that she is really happy with what she gets for Christmas, she never feels like she wants more or feels jealous of what other people get. She gets more than some people and less than some others and obviously as a teen she realises this but we've found that sweet spot that works for our finances and works for the kids so they are both happy and grateful.
Do what works for your family, everyone will have opinions but that would be same no matter what you did.

Christmas is about the presents if you make it about the presents, in my opinion/experience. We don't even mention presents on the lead up to Christmas but make a big deal of going to see lights and other Christmas-sy themed places, so that's what it's all about for my daughter despite her having a reasonable number of presents to open on the day.

We buy lots of books all year round.
We have always considered books to be in a different category, a bit like arts & crafts supplies.

Birthdays they get several gifts because we buy them something & they also have family and friends visiting for cake & party on the day.

I think they get more than enough throughout the year. The question here was more about how we balance things for Christmas day to be special.

Your children will love what you give them, as I said before we loved whatever we got because we didn't have much growing up. The thread is about a family who aren't struggling financially, it's a completely different scenario to yours.

My point of view? It isn't my place to comment to someone whether I think they are gifting their kids enough at Christmas, unless I am willing to put my hand in my own pocket and change it.

Do what YOU feel is right for YOUR children.

I buy less than I used to. Much less. Do I feel guilty? Do I heck! I took my kids to disneyland paris for the weekend with the money I've saved.

I feel the same as you and think it's enough. We already have so much stuff in our lives. Plus by not overwhelming them with stuff, they're appreciating what they have rather than having a never ending stack of presents that barely get used

I like the idea one poster had of wrapping some
stuff they would otherwise get anyway (like clothes or art supplies etc).

Do not start gift wrapping clothes they would otherwise get anyway. These are NOT gifts, they're necessities 🤦‍♀️

I don't think it sounds shit

Trouble is most posters on MN not only give their kids loads on Xmas day but also a boxful on Xmas eve!

I think it sounds exceptionally sparse. 3 presents to open regardless if it’s from Santa, Granny or Mummy and Daddy is not that much.

When the children are small, it’s easy to get a lot of stuff for not much money and they have no idea about the cost and don’t care.

I tend to get a lot of the same stuff every year to pad out their sacks - pack of felt tips each each, new play doh, cuddly toy each, selection box, new drawing pad, pyjamas, classic board game like Guess Who, Twister etc, novelty bubble bath, hair bands, key rings, puzzles, new drinks bottle, new rucksacks. If the kids are under say 7 and aren’t in to brands yet, all of that doesn’t cost much if you go to Home Bargains or B&M and yet it looks loads when it’s wrapped up under the tree and fairy lights are twinkling on the wrapping paper. Is a lot of it shit? Yes! Is it a waste of money? Yes! But they’re small children and it’s what my parents did for me in the 80s and it’s what I’ll do for my children.

You are overthinking this op, unless you buy for your dc all day every day there are probably a few things you could get them they would love. Also your dc are not you so just because you did/didn’t like something in your childhood doesn’t mean it applies to them.

In our house Father Christmas brings the stocking presents and from what you said they’re quite similar to the kinds of things you do. The presents under the tree are from us or close family. Ages ago I read a thing on mumsnet which I’ve tried to stick to of giving four presents - something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read which I’ve found helpful and encourages us to save things to give that they would have had anyway. As they’ve got older (they’re now 11&14) it’s been helpful to have the presents under the tree from named people as it means when their wants or needs become more expensive (eg a laptop or a 3D printer) we can talk about cost and have joint gifts from several close family members. I’m not saying it’s perfect but it’s worked for us. We haven’t had lots of comparison with other families and when it’s come up we just talk about what we do as a family and why.

So our approach was same as we both had as kids. One main present from Santa/Father Christmas plus a stocking. Other gifts from us and GPs etc., also second stocking from us. I can't imagine a scenario where parents don't buy anything and Santa does it fir them

Well I strongly disagree on that. They always get new pants for xmas, started as a joke because when I was a kid my aunt always bought my sister and I pants or vests for gifts (she was very much about being practical, God forbid kids should have fun) and they were always miles too big. We made a joke about wearing them on our heads.

so now I buy them for my lot and we have "Xmas Pant Head" where no one is allowed to open any other gifts without a pair of pants on their head, I heartily recommend it! We have a wonderful photo of my entire family, parents, sister and BIL included all with pairs of pants on our head because I stuffed them into crackers instead of paper crowns (harder than it sounds with y fronts) and the memory of my 70 year old father with a neon green lace thong on his head is joyous.

So how many gifts do they have to unwrap on Christmas day in total?

My son is 6. He gets roughly 10 presents from me and DH. And a stocking from Santa.

Then he'll have about 8 presents from extended family.

Then an additional 3-5 from family on boxing day.

So I'd say in total he has 18 presents to open on the day plus a stocking from Santa containing anywhere between 15-30ish gifts to open.

I assumed this was a relatively normal amount but I could be wrong.

I haven't mentioned cost because those 10 presents plus a stocking could range any where between £100 - £1000 depending on what's being bought.

For us personally we budget about £150-£250 for DS.

Items can be anything from big ticket like consoles, bikes, etc. Or they could be books, chocolate, clothes, £10 toys.

OP I'm really surprised at the comments too. I think the overall amount of presents your kids will get is fine, taking into account family presents and stocking presents. You could always add a couple of small ones if you did want to give them a bit more. But I massively agree with you that it shouldn't just be about more and more 'stuff', which we are all overloaded with now these days!

That's all well and good but I was talking to the OP.

And?

You do realise that this is a public forum right? Not a private chat room?

I think like you ( would prefer one main gift and stocking bits) but my husband thinks otherwise, and wants loads of gifts.. our house is a mess…

I hate the false dichotomy these conversations come down to - you either get your child one gift or you are mindlessly buying piles of plastic tat and ‘cheap ugly shit’ and turning them into spoilt, materialistic little brats who don’t know the value of anything.

Yes OP, to me it sounds a bit joyless and it’s significantly less than we get for my DD. However, if you feel it’s enough and your DC agree and you are confident that they’re happy and having a special Christmas then it doesn’t really matter what I think.

Theres nothing we’ve bought our daughter this year that hasn’t been thought about and chosen specifically with her, her interests and what she will enjoy in mind. Some of it is second hand.

I don’t have any expectation that my daughter ‘treasure’ her possessions and don’t feel the need to create a false scarcity so that she will feel more grateful for the few things she does have - I know that’s accepted wisdom but I don’t actually believe that’s how gratitude works. I do expect her to look after her things as far as is age appropriate, and she does so.

A big part of why Christmas is special to ALL children is the presents - however distasteful your more adult sensibilities might find it. That’s not to say that the family time, food, baking or crafts, music and lights etc don’t all become core memories and are not incredibly meaningful. But it’s the presents has them waking up at silly o’clock in the morning and running downstairs to see if ‘he’s been’. It doesn’t make them spoiled or materialistic - it makes them children at Christmas.

I think part of the magic of Christmas for young dc is coming down in the morning and seeing a tree with some shiny wrapped presents underneath. Part of the joy of being a parent at Christmas is buying your child something that you know they will love. Buying more doesn’t mean having to buy rubbish, nor does it mean you can’t focus on the other parts of Christmas.

My youngest is 8 and will have a stocking plus around 15 or so presents under the tree. He will get a few presents from grandparents too.

This is exactly the point
It’s not how many presents it really is just about whether they get that special something they really want