Is this enough for Christmas??

[FootballGrump]

Every year, “Father Christmas” brings our children one gift. One gift only… it could be a scooter or a lego set or a Tonybox or similar, they are still young and their taste is not extravagant.
Both sets of grandparents also get one gift per child that goes under the tree, typically something smaller (a dolly, a toy car etc).
In total, each child will have 3 or max 4 gifts to open on Christmas day. One “main” gift plus 2-3 smaller ones from close relatives. Plus a stocking full of bits and bobs.

We think this is ample and our children are delighted with it. Most people these days seem to spoil their children way more so I guess my AIBU is regarding what to do now my eldest is aware enough to start comparing with friends.
Some friends have hinted they think we don’t give our children enough toys.
I disagree, I think they are very fortunate and I already feel they don’t have enough respect for their toys (breaking things, losing the small parts, not putting stuff away). I remember being really attached to my toys and treasuring them, I would like to see more of that in our household.

Can you afford more? If it's all you can afford is one thing, if you can afford more then you should.

I agree it sounds miserable.

Perhaps because I remember Christmas being so magical as a child - despite my parents struggling massively with 4 children, they made an effort and bought throughout the year so we had plenty of things to unwrap which is half of the excitement.

I recreate that magic with my young children now.

I had friends who weren't allowed to open presents until after dinner - that sounds utterly miserable to me too! We were all downstairs about 4am - happiest memories

Everyone does things differently, we don't give a large present from father Christmas, partly because I want to avoid the why did father Christmas bring Johnny a pony and Janey only got a puzzle, but also I think it's important from a young age that children know their parents work hard, earn money and some of that is spent on presents, but that money isn't limitless and they won't get absolutely everything they want.

We're financially able to give DS what he wants because we're aren't struggling and his wants are modest, but no one goes through life getting everything they want, so there will be some things I'm she he would like that he won't get. Having said that when I asked if he wanted to write a list for father Christmas (who does the stocking) he said no it's ok, I'm sure I'll like whatever he chooses.

Sounds really ... miserly tbh. A bit bleak. Fair enough if you can't afford more but you're the living embodiment of that pious little poem about buying something that went / something they need etc etc

Fine I suppose when they're little but you'll struggle when they're teens.

So my opinion is it sounds boring

You think I buy cheap ugly tat for my children? Based on that one small comment? Big brain time.

I'm on this thread to be straight.

You're saying in one breath you think your kids have more than enough but that your friends disagree.

In another breath you're saying you don't want to get it wrong and you're worried about your eldest comparing with their friends.

So you've only got two choices.

Stay as you are or buy more shit 😳

I think one gift from Father Christmas is stingy, they're only young and believing for such a short time and it's lovely to spoil them a little.
I don't mean getting a huge stash but it's nice to get them a few toys, crafts, a bit of chocolate, books and pyjamas.

When I was a kid our presents were always in a long pillowcase and I can still remember the excitement of crawling into it to get the last presents out.

Same here. One main present from me, then smaller presents from family members plus stocking stuff. They have got so much stuff and I have a finite amount of funds.

They've always been happy and not found it 'shit' or 'miserable'.

When I read your one small comment I literally pictured that meme where there are presents piled under the tree and it was all shit.

Some people value quality over quantity. I just didn’t get that from you. Sorry.

I’m not sure about this. I grew up relatively poor and didn’t get toys throughout the year, but we always had lots to open at Christmas. It meant it had a real wow factor and the excitement around it was amazing. I’m much better off now, and I do get my children a fair amount of stuff, probably because I want to give them a similar amazing christmas experience to what I had growing up, but in reality they get what the need all year round so it isn’t the same. I do get a lot of joy out of getting them nice things that I know will be appreciated, so it’s as much for me as it is for them. But I think if they’ve never known any different and they are happy and you are happy then that’s fair enough.

It's loads, can't believe the answers on here are serious but it seems that you're seeking advice from people you wouldn't hang out with in real life.

It's a bit.... joyless, isn't it? 'One present so they'll take good care of it' is all very admirable, but but they are little children who will lose and break things sometimes.

It doesn't need to be vulgar but yes, they should have a few things under the tree to squish, guess, open, squeal about. To use your example of a 'Lego set' - would it really be so awful to get them a Lego set, a colouring book and pens, a mini baking set, a couple of books and a soft toy? For example....

It all sounds very sparse.

Sounds perfect, OP. I find the piles of presents really depressing and not in the spirit of Christmas.

Children get overwhelmed by lots of stuff and they should be taught to appreciate and look after the things they have. They should be taught that consumerism may one day destroy their future and that an excess of over-indulgence is morally wrong.

Hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas!

Wow 🤣

Don't be ridiculous. It's not 'loads'.

You might consider it enough, but in no world is it loads.

I think I would probably add a few more to be honest as otherwise unwrapping is over before it is even started!

Loads if you are Scrooge yes..

Max 4 presents is not 'loads'. I don't think it's even about quantity in this instance, it comes across to me as if the OP resents the frivolity. We didn't get lots of toys during the year so Christmas was so huge to us. I don't know anyone who gives their child of any age a solitary gift

In our house, Father Christmas fills the sacks (not huge, roughly pillowcase size). The elves can't make tech gifts, they're unable to transport live animals, and there isn't space for anything big. Main gifts come from mum and dad. That helps us keep their expectations realistic and allows us to vary the budget each year.

So from Father Christmas they will get maybe 12 or 15 things, ranging from maybe a medium lego set and a board game down to books, chocolate, gloves, socks, bath bomb, art or baking bits etc.

And from us they get 3 or 4 presents under the tree, including the main one (some years it's been a console, tablet or laptop, others a far cheaper option like a large lego set, bike, scooter, roller skates...).

This feels like the right balance to us. Plenty to open, but not piles and piles of stuff to find homes for and half of which will barely get used.

It sounds a bit miserable, if you can afford to give more then do. How often do they get toys during the year ?

How about adding a Board Game, books, art stuff, bits to go with existing toys, another toy, whatever. Maybe a gift from yourselves.

It does sound joyless one gift and a stocking.

Wow. I’m really surprised by the number of people on the thread thinking it’s shit or miserable, or not enough at any rate.
I want Christmas to be magical for my children but I guess I also want them to put less weight on the materialistic stuff and more on the Christmas spirit, the being together bit with friends and family and cooking and good food going on, baking, music, etc.
We are comfortable financially so money is not the issue here. It’s more getting the equation right between making it magical without overwhelming them, spoiling them too much, and buying a whole bunch of stuff that will eventually end up in landfill. Maybe I am a bit sanctimonious, I recognise I totally into being more green even at Christmas time!

I like the idea one poster had of wrapping some
stuff they would otherwise get anyway (like clothes or art supplies etc). That will require us being a bit more thoughtful in the lead up to Christmas. Probably next year

I can see your reasoning but we do more (maybe? -- you do say there's a stocking with bits and bobs): about 10 small things from Santa Claus and 1 from parents. I think 10 you get the excitement of 'lots' without being overwhelmed. This year it's only 2 toys with the rest being things like socks, dress, book, slap band, pringles.

They will get 5 or 6 more presents (usually toys) from other relatives. It is often junky stuff that often breaks easily but I just allow the experience and move it on if it breaks or is too much. Again, it's the world we live in so I indulge it a bit.

I figure I'm more minimalist but my kids do live in today's consumerist society so I try and strike a balance. (The same will apply with technology when the time comes. I don't want to expose them too much but I also don't want to raise Luddites when they have to interact with their peers.)

I think it’s about bigger picture. I know some people buy a lot for birthday and Christmas but practically nothing in between other than replacement school shoes and pencils. Our approach with Dd was always to buy her a lot in between so she never had a lot for Christmas. E.g she would rather get scooter for Easter when the weather was more suitable. And if she needed a new clothes or something for her room we would buy it. So maybe your approach of just a few presents at Christmas is fine.
However your remark about children not having respect for their toys sounds a bit off putting. It’s like you can get more for children but you are deliberately not doing this to show them that they don’t deserve many toys? And it’s like making point that you’ve had just a few things for Christmas so they should have only few too. It’s a bit mean, I’ve had black and white tv in my childhood it doesn’t mean my DD should be stuck with it too.

This is such a perceptive post. I think a lot of parents subconsciously do the same - when their children don't have the anticipation because of treats throughout the year.

I always am grateful on these threads that our DC are loved and cared for by a village, as that village takes care of the pile of presents. It would be weird and wrong for us to add even more.

I didn't realise how uncommon it was.

I also think there can be a tendency to more gifts in families where parents don't live together. That seems only natural.

Although none of our friends overdo Christmas we all have houses overrun with toys. But then we're a village to each other who pass things on, receive from many etc
I can see how families eho are more isolated may want to buy more presents themselves.

Again I’m sorry 🤷‍♀️ Just my immediate thought.

Father Christmas always brought our DC one gift and filled their stockings. However they then got tree presents from DH & I when they woke on Christmas morning too. They usually had 8-10 gifts to unwrap including FC, often consisting of 1 large gift, 3 medium, 3 small, clothing, dressing gown or oodie and a selection box.