Is this enough for Christmas??

[FootballGrump]

Every year, “Father Christmas” brings our children one gift. One gift only… it could be a scooter or a lego set or a Tonybox or similar, they are still young and their taste is not extravagant.
Both sets of grandparents also get one gift per child that goes under the tree, typically something smaller (a dolly, a toy car etc).
In total, each child will have 3 or max 4 gifts to open on Christmas day. One “main” gift plus 2-3 smaller ones from close relatives. Plus a stocking full of bits and bobs.

We think this is ample and our children are delighted with it. Most people these days seem to spoil their children way more so I guess my AIBU is regarding what to do now my eldest is aware enough to start comparing with friends.
Some friends have hinted they think we don’t give our children enough toys.
I disagree, I think they are very fortunate and I already feel they don’t have enough respect for their toys (breaking things, losing the small parts, not putting stuff away). I remember being really attached to my toys and treasuring them, I would like to see more of that in our household.

Well mine are coming down to two. Yes I am angry because this is the reality for many people especially these days.

Feel free to send me a huge pile to gift to them, in the meantime, maybe try and be a bit more thoughtful that not everyone has a choice, some kids wont be getting anything.

Why does there need to be a big pile of presents? I’m sure her kids appreciate what they get and it’s more meaningful for them than getting a pile of presents and being over whelmed and hardly using any of the presents because they have too much. Where does it end? You’ll end up buying things for the sake of it because it doesn’t look like you have enough and the pile isn’t as big as last years.
can’t believe the comments saying it’s shit and miserable because her Christmas tree isn’t over flowing. Some parents can barely afford presents and it doesn’t mean their kids will have a shit Christmas.

This is what I do, they get 6 or 7 main gifts, then they get a few outfits, shower stuff, some games, books and craft stuff and then chocolate ect, fidget toys,

They could end up with over 30 presents but over half of it isnt really presents in my eyes ( but is to them ) its stuff theyd be getting anyway throughout the year.

So thanks for making me feel crap that they will be getting a shit Xmas

No one forced you to come and read the comments, you knew what the thread was about before you opened it. You've made yourself feel crap

The issue I have with this thread is that many many parents at the moment simply can’t afford much.
Many many parents have never been able to afford much

Everyone has a right to comment though, ( in a polite way I’d like to think ) that’s why OP has asked

I will say I’m shocked when some say they buy 10/15 and the dad buys the same! Plus family presents too.
Now That’s ridiculous in my opinion but as you say Scorpio…..’each to their own’

My parents gave little and sometimes nothing at Christmas and had the financial ability to be more generous . I personally don’t think I would want the same experience for my children. I have loved spoiling my kids with their favourite crafts, games, toys, books, clothes etc and they all say as adults that they have very happy memories of Christmas - and they now love spoiling others.

My parents didn't do stockings - or elves, 1st Dec or Xmas Eve boxes, or any of that, this was the 70s and 80s! So I wanted my DC to have stockings and I always did them until they were adults, but of course the contents changed as they grew up. They would generally have one more expensive present (perhaps up to £50) and others of £5-£15 but in total I would generally spend about £100 each. Then they would have something from each set of grandparents, aunty, godparents, maybe a school friend or two, and in total it was enough. I would also do what others have said which is to wrap up needed stuff like pyjamas, a character t shirt, fun socks etc.

Comparison is the thief of joy - tell your kids that 😆

We all have stockings and we’re all adults now.
Why did you stop once they grew up.
Did they think it was too kiddy?

It sounds lovely OP and I'm sure your children will have wonderful Christmas memories. I do it differently because I grew up with a more piles of present approach, but I think children don't actually really compare much. They accept their home traditions for what they are, which is great.

The op asked for an opinion on their situation. I'm well aware some parents can't afford much at all. In the OPs case, money isn't an issue.

Well I agree. I realise some parents cannot afford much. But like I said this is about the OPs situation in which this a choice. So my opinion is, I don't think it's enough really.

Actually I read the title "is this enough for Xmas" and wondered if it was someone feeling the same way I am at the moment. Came to offer support, and I did to the OP and her choices. The comments about "joyless" and "a bit shit" were unnecessary and I voiced that.

But thank you for showing what kind of mindset you are taking into the festive season.

I think myself and several others have already gone out of their way to underline your circumstances are completely different to the OP's. I'm at a bit of a loss as to why you continue to come back and keep telling everyone that they are making you feel bad, which surely in turn is just making you feel worse. I've had christmas' where we had v little and things were frankly dreadful generally, but they were still great. Your kids will love what they get especially if they know you've struggled, i know i did, focus on that

OP asked a question and got answers from people. Nobody was talking to you,

I'm not sure what my mindset is aside from not victimising myself online

I think that at Christmas that old Mumsnet something you want something you need etc is a bit crap. Within budget & reason it should be ‘something they want’, something they want’, ‘something they want ‘ & something they want’. I’m excluding laptops & 3D printers!

Each to their own. I think a huge pile of presents is completely unnecessary...ugly even. That said, I don't obsess over the exact quantity. Mine gets a stocking with her Letter from Santa and one Santa present under the tree. Anything else is from me, family and friends. I've bought her six or seven things to unwrap along with her Santa gift. Some are things she needs. It's all about balance. It helps to manage expectations as she knows Santa brings one gift not 20....each to their own. Do what works for you

I am trying to remember what ours typically had. Usually something nice from both sets of grandparents, one present from the ILs, three or four from my side. From us they usually had a big present: Scooter, DS, Lego Farm, Toy kitchen, etc. Plus probably a book or three, CD, crafts, etc. Somewhat complicated because it was also DS's birthday.

Neither mean nor obscene with an emphasis on the meaning of Christmas. Clothes only came into play in their teens.

I think there's a massive difference between having very little due to straitened circumstances and having very little due to meanness. In the case of the latter there's rarely joy and laughter happens whether there are funds or not if there's generosity of spirit.

I think everyone is entitled to do Christmas in a way that suits their family. When I was growing up we never got toys during the year only for Xmas and birthdays and got loads at Christmas. I absolutely loved it so I do the same for my son. He's probably getting more than anyone else I know but it's all things he will really enjoy and get use from. I don't compare our Christmas to anyone else's I have no regrets they only get santa for a few years so why not go a bit overboard! We are sensible with money and budgeting for the rest of the year so why not 😀

We've never been very well off, but one thing I will never regret doing is stretching myself a bit when they were still "believers" so they had a pile of presents on Christmas morning. We didn't ever manage to create one of those massive piles you see on social media almost as high as the tree (just would not have the money to do it!) but if I had the money I probably would have. Now they are teens and the number of presents are fewer but of course more expensive per gift-I just try and make sure every present will be wanted and not a pile filler upper.

I think there is a middle ground to be found between 1 gift and huge piles that are probably a bit overwhelming anyway.

What a nasty comment.

My own children were raised without millions of gifts and grew to be popular, educated, fun and thoughtful adults who are not obsessed with "stuff".

Crack on OP. You are doing great.

The only thing I would add is that, while well intentioned, your approach may push them too far the other way...as soon as they have their own money it is possible they will want to useless tat etc. rather than saving... Like everything in life it's about balance. When it comes to consumerism the message I am trying to pass on to my DD is 'its okay to enjoy nice things, but don't tie your happiness to them'. You don't have to feel guilt or shame when receiving presents (something I struggled with for years).you don't have to deny yourself. Just keep perspective. If it all disappeared tomorrow would you still be happy? If the answer is yes, then there are no worries. You can test yourself too. How would you feel if you lost your mobile phone now? Marcus Aurelius has some nice insights.

Is there not a middle ground between both op? It’s like people who talk about decluttering- my pov is that my mum left us with no tangible memories toys/ books/ comics wise. Now as a parent I see why but the things you’re thinking of of tat- my sons will get eg yo-yos and annuals to read, a teddy, some will get Lego. We don’t fill our room with stuff but they’ll properly play with this stuff and keep it- so it’s not tat. One single present is very much ‘here is your choice of an enjoyable item that you must appreciate’

We stopped because we don't live in the same country at the moment, and prioritise other times of the year to spend together rather than Christmas, due to work commitments. In 2024, I was in the UK in August and October and DC visited me in March and July.

Or seeking applause and/or showing off?

I want Christmas to be magical for my children but I guess I also want them to put less weight on the materialistic stuff and more on the Christmas spirit, the being together bit with friends and family and cooking and good food going on, baking, music, etc.

You must realise it's perfectly possible to do both?

We'll do lots of what you describe in the run up to/over Christmas, but also choosing to buy a child a nice range of presents (e.g. this year from us DS is getting some LEGO, some painting/colouring/craft supplies/activites, some soft toys he specifically requested, some dress up outfits and puzzles/boardgames) doesn't have to equate to "spoiling" them.

Infact, DS loves and looks after all of his toys because that's what we've taught him to do from being tiny 🤷‍♀️ As well as encouraging him every year to work out which of his old toys he no longer plays with as much to donate them to a child who might be less fortunate than him.

I personally think we have a nice balance, but am happy to accept that every family does Christmas their own way.