Is this enough for Christmas??

[FootballGrump]

Every year, “Father Christmas” brings our children one gift. One gift only… it could be a scooter or a lego set or a Tonybox or similar, they are still young and their taste is not extravagant.
Both sets of grandparents also get one gift per child that goes under the tree, typically something smaller (a dolly, a toy car etc).
In total, each child will have 3 or max 4 gifts to open on Christmas day. One “main” gift plus 2-3 smaller ones from close relatives. Plus a stocking full of bits and bobs.

We think this is ample and our children are delighted with it. Most people these days seem to spoil their children way more so I guess my AIBU is regarding what to do now my eldest is aware enough to start comparing with friends.
Some friends have hinted they think we don’t give our children enough toys.
I disagree, I think they are very fortunate and I already feel they don’t have enough respect for their toys (breaking things, losing the small parts, not putting stuff away). I remember being really attached to my toys and treasuring them, I would like to see more of that in our household.

That’s complete crap. Giving children three or four gifts from Santa is not going to make a child miserable and materialistic or equate love with stuff.

If the OP can afford more, it is miserable her current set-up.

I think kids like what they’re used to. If they’ve only ever received a couple of things at Christmas they don’t know any differently and it’s fine. They might start to notice that you do things a little differently from the norm when they’re older - if so, and you’re worried about it, you can re-evaluate the approach then. For now I think it’s fine and you’re overthinking it.

To be honest id rather christmas didnt involve so many presents, your way sounds great, though i am a bit of a minimalist. My worry would be that they'll get to an age where they realise father Christmas is bringing their friends a lot more than he is bringing them. My DC probably have about 10 presents each, including a few small ones (we don't do stockings)

Well you thought wrong 👍🏻

I'm confused!!

So father Christmas gives them a present under the tree and also a stocking full of gifts? Plus they also get a gift from you and grandparents and another?

That sounds like ample.

Why is father Christmas giving a stocking and an under-tree gift? That seems like more than most kids would get??

How the hell is it loads ? What age are your children and if you celebrate Christmas - what did you/Santa give your children ?

why are you asking on here if you think what your giving is reasonable?

if that’s all you can afford then yeah you have done your best for the kids

if not I can’t under why you wouldn’t want to spoil your kids

It does come across a bit sanctimonious as of course the amount of presents you receive isn't in competition with the Christmas spirit and spending time with loved ones. Nothing was wasted in our home, ever, couldn't afford to be and we all knew the real meaning of Christmas wasn't gifts. Indeed we knew from an early age there were many children who were less fortunate than us, none of whom i ever heard of getting one gift from santa. Your children are only young once.

A sprout and a lump of coal is most sufficient OP.

Our local social services dept gives £300 per child allowances for Xmas gifts. If that is what looked after children get them I would imagine that is quite a good yardstick.

I also want them to put less weight on the materialistic stuff and more on the Christmas spirit, the being together bit with friends and family and cooking and good food going on, baking, music, etc

The two are not mutually exclusive though.

My children spend plenty of time with family at Christmas. Talking, cooking, music, playing games etc. That's just how we are. And that would be the same whether they had two presents or twenty two.

I think it sounds a bit mean to be honest, particularly if you could afford more.

It doesn't have to be expensive, or plastic 'tat'. Things like cheap colouring and activity books you can get for less than £1 and is something else to occupy them in the morning. You could add clothes and underwear you would otherwise be buying them through the year anyway.

Kids do start to compare and I think they will notice they get less sooner than you would think.

It depends what you buy, if you buy cheap tat it breaks easily, either way whatever is best for your family but be prepared for my friend has an iPhone or ps5.

In our house santa brings the stocking and one small low value gift from their list. Stocking has useful bits in, socks, undies, bath bombs, crafty bits etc.

Then they get one main present and a few smaller presents too. I try to stick to something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read.
They also get presents from family.

As a child I was one who got very few presents and always felt a bit hard done by opening mine next to my cousins who always got loads. I try not to go overboard. But I also want my kids to get more than I did and not feel like I did

Some of the responses here saying the OPs children are receiving ‘loads’ or it’s ’ample’ are deluded.

1 gift for each child plus a stocking? Sounds utterly miserable and depressing.
I agree with the quality over quantity sentiment and that’s what I do with my children but your approach is miserly and I’m rather surprised you think you’re creating special memories for Christmas it sounds like another run of the mill day in your household.

They should be taught that consumerism may one day destroy their future and that an excess of over-indulgence is morally wrong.

What a heartwarming festive message 🥰

A bit more depth to your comment and I may have not been so quick to assume. The more you’ve posted though the more convinced I am that I thought right 👌

But that’s just me so don’t worry too much about it.

Sorry OP I also think it sounds miserable. I hope your kids don’t talk about what they get at school or they’ll be sorely disappointed.

I think every family does Christmas differently and you are setting a standard now and shouldn’t feel bad about your choices. One of my son’s friends doesn’t get much in terms of gifts when compared to my son but both parents are teachers so they all go on a lovely holiday together at Christmas instead.
I love Christmas and get excited about spoiling my dc with gifts but I’m an emergency responder who works wild shifts at this time of year to keep people safe which the whole family sacrifices for so I feel they deserve to be treated and don’t feel bad about it.

This is a perfect balance. I don't like piles and piles of tat. I don't like the OP's parsimonious Cromwellian Christmas.

DD's stocking is full of things I've collected that she likes. Tea, paint, chocolate etc. All fairly cheap and nice. Stockings aren't the main present here. I've never understood why women do all the work and a fat male housebreaker gets all the credit.

I think it sounds very miserly OP. How many presents do they get for a birthday? Christmas has always been bigger than birthdays in our family.

Also, 3 presents must take a few minutes to open, at most. What else do you do at 7am?!

I like the idea one poster had of wrapping some
stuff they would otherwise get anyway (like clothes or art supplies etc). That will require us being a bit more thoughtful in the lead up to Christmas. Probably next year

Oh joy of joys they will now get a pair of shoes to go with the Lego set 😂😭

Every family is different. If this works for you - great! It’s all about building that Christmas feeling and having those memories with your children and family. If having 4 presents works for you, keep doing it.

So do your DC think you get them nothing? That's the strange bit for me.

I love watching mine open presents. They don't have to be extravagant and expensive to bring joy.

You really don't have to wait till 'next year' for your DC to get more than one present. You could - shock horror - buy them a couple more things each this year. If it really must be limited to the things they will need next year, - art supplies / clothes - why can't you buy some of that now so they get more than one thing this year?

I feel a bit sad for them because I honestly think you have convinced yourself that more than one thing means they will become obsessed with consumerism and forget about the 'true meaning of Christmas' as though they are mutually exclusive. You have talked yourself into believing that this is the 'right' way to do things - and you can of course hold that opinion, but... you came on here and you asked. Buy them a couple more things to put under the tree, for goodness sake! And fwiw, it really doesn't have to be something they 'need' or would have got in the course of next year, it could be something FUN

Maybe I need to lighten up a bit.
My thinking process is that if you give children many toys all at once they tend to value and appreciate each individual toy a little less (certainly when they’re in that 2 to 8 age range). Hence my comments about giving less and wanting my children to treasure their toys more.
In terms of bigger picture our children do get gifts from other friends and family but that gets opened when it’s gifted, so typically before Christmas day. I also buy Christmassy books at the beginning of December so we can read Christmas stories throughout the month of December.
The stockings are full of little things from chocolates to card games, crafts, little curiosities and & accessories for the main toys or existing toys.
On the whole, everyone seems happy for now, so we might just stick with it for this year and focus extra hard on doing other “Christmas only” things they’ll love.
@IdleIdleIdle you rightly pointed out that there is nothing from the parents. Maybe we need to rectify that as it could look odd to them, especially as we are starting to teach them about gifting, helping them buy or make things for their teachers, grandparents and each other.