Is this enough for Christmas??

[FootballGrump]

Every year, “Father Christmas” brings our children one gift. One gift only… it could be a scooter or a lego set or a Tonybox or similar, they are still young and their taste is not extravagant.
Both sets of grandparents also get one gift per child that goes under the tree, typically something smaller (a dolly, a toy car etc).
In total, each child will have 3 or max 4 gifts to open on Christmas day. One “main” gift plus 2-3 smaller ones from close relatives. Plus a stocking full of bits and bobs.

We think this is ample and our children are delighted with it. Most people these days seem to spoil their children way more so I guess my AIBU is regarding what to do now my eldest is aware enough to start comparing with friends.
Some friends have hinted they think we don’t give our children enough toys.
I disagree, I think they are very fortunate and I already feel they don’t have enough respect for their toys (breaking things, losing the small parts, not putting stuff away). I remember being really attached to my toys and treasuring them, I would like to see more of that in our household.

When I look back at christmases from
my childhood, I barely remember what presents I got. Apart from one or two here and there. Christmas was always magical not only because of presents.

Yes, I just don't know why you aimed your irrelevant story at me after quoting my post to the OP?

The OP has said that her children are still quite young. Unless they have woken up in other children's houses on Christmas morning and found themselves comparing their loot unfavourably with others', they won't feel short-changed, and nobody here can judge how magical or unmagical their Christmas is. Likewise, unless they are waking up to gifts every morning, the day will be special and magical.

The OP is doing great by not building a rod for her own back in setting up massive expectations in the years to come. I say this as someone who sadly did this in trying to match my daughter's aunt and grandmother who went to frankly vulgar extremes.

The money just isn't there for many people, and the world at large is buckling under overconsumerism, wastefulness, and inequity. The momentary dopamine hit (not sure we can really say it's true joy) that children get from unwrapping numerous presents isn't enough to justify the waste and - for many parents - stress of financial strain. None of my daughter's gifts have been particularly expensive. I'm still looking at January and not quite sure how I'll make it through or whether I'll be able to pay her extra-curricular hobby fees. It's withering and is the reality for many.

I absolutely love Christmas, but it really is just another day - one that tends to fly by very quickly - and the amount of stuff under the tree or the size of the discarded wrapping paper pile is not childhood-defining. I'm not religious at all, but I can't help but be absolutely grossed out by just how consumerist it is, looking at the absolute state of the world right now. The day can be made special in so many ways.

I don't understand why people are so quick to judge the OP as "mean", "miserable", or "stealth-braggy" - she is perfectly entitled to feel a momentary wobble or insecurity and look for a little support. Stick to your guns, OP!

If that’s what you do then that’s what you do. Everyone does Christmas different. I personally buy by kids loads (probably too much!) but that’s just what I do and what I feel happy doing. As long as you and your children are happy then that’s all that matters

What's nasty about it? 1 present and told to handle their toys with extreme care, no mention of fun, it's the very definition of miserable, the original post is entirely absent the spirit if giving. We had comparatively little every year too, we're successful and popular too, we also grew up to be generous and giving.

Why do you think the OP's children don't get excited at the 3-4 gifts that they get.

Christmas isn't just about presents, or it shouldn't be. There are so many other parts to Christmas that can make it magical.

So many people making ridiculous leaps here - the OP at no point said that she tells her children to handle their toys with extreme care. she also said that Father Christmas brings one main gift but that they also get gifts from relatives and a stocking with bits and bobs. There are many ways in which she can make the day fun for her children and create memories that don't revolve around ripping off sellotape and giftwrap.

Lots of posters very quick to imply that people who are more restrained are not generous: generosity is a spirit, not an action. Presumably the OP has selected gifts for her children with even greater care because they are getting just a few. Therein lies the generosity. Not to mention the OP is likely doing far more good for her children's attention spans down the road.

Funny that the ones levelling accusations of meanness, etc., and placing the emphasis on materialism are the ones furthest removed from the actual spirit of the season traditionally. The kids who receive massive amounts on Christmas day in the Western world are a fraction of the people who celebrate Christmas worldwide. A bit of perspective wouldn't go amiss. And what about a bit of seasonal spirit in good faith for a fellow parent?

When I was young I remember that not only we got presents from our parents but from extended family members, friends etc too. So we did get a lot. My kids don't get this just from us and close family so we probably do buy them more.
I think it depends if they are getting toys throughout the year too. Ours don't, they only get new toys Christmas and birthday so I don't think it's unreasonable to buy quite a few different things.

She said it annoys her when toys are broken or bits are lost. These children only get a very small amount of toys and their mother resents when they use them. If that's the vibe coming across to me and others from her posts you can believe it is understood by the children. Generosity is indeed a spirit and the op admitted she does need to lighten up a bit. Giving a young child one present for Christmas can never in any universe be seen as generosity in action. You make massive assumptions re the real meaning of Christmas and having anything above the bare minimum for gifts, which is utterly detached from reality. You can treat your children and instill goodwill to all, generous giving and the birth of christ you know

I don't think she resents when they use them (or at least not the conclusion I jumped to), and she didn't say it annoys her. I think rather she is hoping to instill a greater respect for their possessions in them, which can only be a good thing - a move away from the ultra-disposable culture that has long been prevalent.

Generosity is relative, and the OP is treating her children with a modest amount of gifts and likely many unspecified experiences over the season that will be more effective at building memories. I make no "assumptions" at all in terms of the "real meaning of Christmas" and am firmly rooted in reality as regards all aspects of the festival: Irish Catholic schooling here, with years of experience of working in retail over Christmas, and a daughter who has had 14 years of getting far too much stuff at this time of year. When there's too much, children often can't see the woods for the trees and don't actually get the use or benefit of the toys. Everyone's mileage may vary here, but that's my experience.

Just because something has become the norm for a portion of the world's population on one day out of the year doesn't mean it's the only way or the right way. The OP will possibly find herself succumbing to the pressure when her children are older, but for now when they are little, they can absolutely experience joy (as distinct from dopamine) at unwrapping and playing with a really great gift or two, and this is much more likely to persist as a special memory alongside the festive smells, flavours, music, and ambience, which are where many people's best memories reside, in my experience.

This thread is depressing me now, so signing off. Have a great Sunday and Christmas, all! 🎄🌟

It's depressing me that you and a few others think children can't be instilled with any morals or values if they are also given the things they want and have fun. The mealy mouthed parsimoniousness is depressing. Poor children. I am an Irish Catholic, as a child before my aunts and cousins came up for dinner on boxing day we toured cribs in the chapels near us to see jesus in them, we were devoutly religious but my mother would have sold every bit of jewellery she had if it ever got so bad that we could only have one present each. Sorry you haven't been able to instill gratitude in your own daughter but note she also didn't get by on one present

If you can afford it and your main concern is your children not having respect, breaking toys and not putting them away and maybe not treasuring the toys like you did as a kid sounds a little joyless and transactional.

I am sure they will treasure these because they are not getting much else.

Did you only receive 1 present from your parents though?

Well it's a pointless thread. You are judgemental of others and certain you are right. It's a a context dictated by personal beliefs and monetary constraints which are obviously household specific.
Since you ask, sound like you are very tightly and strictly controlled. Not my style at all , but you did ask .

Hilarious; my daughter has abundant gratitude and grace. She didn't get by on just one present, but I didn't have multiple children to buy for. I just meant that she got so much stuff (from relatives mainly) that she simply couldn't play with it all - time-wise, attention-span-wise -and it got buried in piles.

You're making wild leaps here - I don't think at all that children can't have morals or values if they are given the things they want, and nor am I mealy mouthed or parsimonious. I have gotten my daughter what she asked for and more besides. I was simply trying to defend the OP against the ludicrous and hyperbolic accusations just because she does things a different way and to gently stress that there are other ways to make the day special and that piles of stuff is not always the answer. There will be plenty of children getting by on one or two presents because their parents simply cannot do any more (I for one wouldn't have anything worth pawning or selling!), and we can't assume that their Christmas memories will be any less magical or somehow impoverished as a result.

Take care, and merry Christmas.

Yes, obviously a different set up but that’s why I still say lying, because there was still people growing up decades ago who got more than 1 or 2 gifts.
I didn’t say there weren’t those who only got that, just that there was also people who got more but some try and argue that it was always the norm and only in the last 10-20 years did it become a thing to get more.

As a younger child I don’t remember. But yes absolutely as a teenager I only got one main present and a stocking and then gifts from grandparents, aunts, uncles etc

Before you start dragging down the OP, please take into consideration that some parents have lost their jobs and don’t know how they’re going to feed their kids let alone buy presents for them.

Some parents are struggling to get bills paid.

Some people have lost family members and Christmas will never be the same.

Some people are fighting for their lives and Christmas shopping is the last thing on their minds.

For me this year, it's more important who’s around your tree rather than what’s under it.

Stay humble People ❤️🎄

That sounds about what I received throughout my childhood. You are doing brilliantly.

I love your post about “who is around the tree” being more important than what’s under it.
I am surprised by the momentum this post has gained, especially with all the people coming on to post how miserable / mean / shit / controlling / joyless this seems for my children.
Honestly when I came on I was just wondering if I’d someday regret not spoiling them a bit more at Christmas.
I never imagined there are people out there who buy their children 10+ gifts at Christmas. This has opened my eyes.
Anyway, I’ve given it a lot of thought, and in the good mumsnet tradition, I will now serve up a denouement to all the lovely and less lovely mums who have invested themselves in this thread :)

1. I realised that alongside Father Christmas’s gift and the grandparents gifts there should also be one from us parents. That was a miss! Otherwise I’m pretty comfortable with our approach ☺️. I don’t think my children want or need anything more to feel it’s magical. We have been baking, doing crafts, reading christmas stories and having visits from friends and family. Lots if cosy time together, exactly what this time of year is about for them & they love it.
2. The pile under the tree will be big enough with several children in the house. They take pleasure not just from opening their own gifts but from watching their siblings or cousins open. Because they are close in age they share a lot and so if one of them gets a yoto for example the others get to enjoy it too etc. They share books, technology, imaginative play toys, etc. I like seeing them get excited for each other.
3. Eventually they will start gifting each other, this year my eldest is doing this.

Happy to report back but I really can’t imagine them not being happy with all the above.

Thank you mumsnet for as usual providing a rich and broad range of views. It’s always interesting to read!

And Merry Christmas to all of you. Wishing you peace, love & joy.

Hi OP, I think your set up is ample. Best advice is not to compare with others although I know how hard that can be. IME, there has always been a huge variation in the number/types of xmas presents that children receive. I recall some of my family buying several very expensive presents for their children which I thought was completely OTT but each to their own.
Do what is right for you

Your doing great, no one on here or in real life has a right to judge the way you and your family celebrate Christmas

@PickledOwl1 yay!!! Lol at the end of the day I work bloody hard and if I want to spend my hard earned cash on my dc I will. It's not for everyone but it's how we do Christmas!!

Sounds lovely! My family always buy my little ones heaps and they are just overwhelmed opening everything and not everything gets played with! I always ask for them to just get one thing but they ignore me haha! So my children get too much and we are often donating bits throughout the year to keep on top of the toys they have. Especially because I’ve found the more they have the less they play! They play better when there isn’t as much choice. It sounds like your kids have a great Christmas!

Father Christmas just brings stockings in our house and then I go by something you want, something you need and something to read. So tend to get them one main gift, things they need like stationary, art supplies, toiletries etc... and a few books, and items of clothing including pants and socks etc... They also get presents from grandparents, aunties and uncles under the tree.