Is this enough for Christmas??

[FootballGrump]

Every year, “Father Christmas” brings our children one gift. One gift only… it could be a scooter or a lego set or a Tonybox or similar, they are still young and their taste is not extravagant.
Both sets of grandparents also get one gift per child that goes under the tree, typically something smaller (a dolly, a toy car etc).
In total, each child will have 3 or max 4 gifts to open on Christmas day. One “main” gift plus 2-3 smaller ones from close relatives. Plus a stocking full of bits and bobs.

We think this is ample and our children are delighted with it. Most people these days seem to spoil their children way more so I guess my AIBU is regarding what to do now my eldest is aware enough to start comparing with friends.
Some friends have hinted they think we don’t give our children enough toys.
I disagree, I think they are very fortunate and I already feel they don’t have enough respect for their toys (breaking things, losing the small parts, not putting stuff away). I remember being really attached to my toys and treasuring them, I would like to see more of that in our household.

You do what works for you. If 3 gifts and a ticking works for you then great.

When the dc were little they would have a room full of presents as I did when I was little. Now they're 19 and 24 they probably have shock horror 30 ish presents each plus stockings. But that's my choice.🤷‍♀️ they haven't grown up into spoilt adults, they've always taken care of their belongings and they've grown into generous adults. But that's tradition in my family. My way seems odd to you as yours to me. Doesn't mean either way is wrong.

But the thing is ......why do you want to know what other people do, if all you're going to do is get antsy when they say they buy more?

I think what you do with your kids works for you....Great!

It wouldn't work for me because the paucity would make me feel sad and grinchy

I'm not right for you. Youre not right for me

I think the fact that you've started this thread is either because deep down you think you should be buying more or it's a reverse type stealth boast

What about things for your kids to actually do and learn from though, and things for you to do/play with them? Books, jigsaw puzzles, board games, arts and crafts things? I don't think kids need more hunks of plastic tat, but you can never have too many books or board games.

I’m not worried. Perhaps you could apply a little more depth to your thought processes int future to avoid making yourself look like an idiot like this.

We do similar...though grandparents presents are opened at grandparents house. There's usually between 2 and 4 things under the tree each (and a new book for Christmas eve). We do the stocking on the 6th Jan.

DS1 is 8.5 (so old enough to compare with friends) and has never seemed bothered. He's at a very multicultural school so he knows everyone has different Christmas traditions or has different celebrations instead.

I get the DC things throughout the year as their interests change or things get worn out (e.g. art stuff, bits of sports kit). My DM buys little random treats when they visit (eg a new hot wheels car or a funny pen).

Over the years on here I’ve observed that the children from well-off families who get few presents at Christmas, usually get bought stuff/hobbies/trips throughout the year.

Regardless, 1 reasonably expensive/ very wanted present plus stocking and presents from the family sounds fine. People are being very judgy. I suspect, conversely, op is also trying to look down on people who do the opposite to them.

Have to agree with others, sounds shit for the kids.

But are you going to out and buy them more presents? If not then I don't understand why you are asking.

When you see people with massive piles, generally those piles include lots of consumables, books, arts and craft supplies, clothes, things for their room, etc. People who do more modest gifts tend to see these as basic necessities and buy though the year when needed. What is more likely to make a child spoilt - having a single day of extravagance, or getting new things constantly whenever needed/wanted?

However, I think there are two types of people - folk who think the worst thing you can be is extravagant, and people who think the worst thing to be is un-generous. They will never agree!

@temperance81 you're my Christmas twin! mine are 18 and 26 and I do around 30 gifts plus a stocking

Shoot me

My children give me a list, I have a budget and I buy what I can off the list. My son’s list was under my budget this year so I’ve brought him a few extras.
I’m thinking up to now your children have been quite young? It doesn’t feel workable with teens, for example my 17yr old daughter may ask for a couple of items of clothing, is that one or two presents? I don’t see that as waste as she’s stopped growing so generally will get a lot of wear out of them.
I think if your happy then you do you but after 17yrs of parenting I refuse to have opinion on what other people do unless asked.

Budget aside, I can’t see how 2-4 presents is exciting? It’s not the quantity or size in itself, it’s that to me, there should be enough to entertain for the Christmas holidays, not just an hour or two.

I don’t buy gifts for them from summer to Christmas. Everything goes in the Christmas wish list. So we hold back most of the year (their birthdays are before summer) and go a bit crazy at Christmas. Some stuff is secondhand if good quality. I don’t spoil mine most of the year so on one day, I want them to feel spoiled and crazy excited!

MaMoosie · Yesterday 23:52
Just sounds really shit tbh.

That sort of depth? 😂 For someone who’s not worried. You keep coming back.

It would take a huge amount for a friend to say to another friend their child didn’t have enough toys (or indeed criticise any element of a friends parenting). Multiple friends saying the same thing to you should put you on notice immediately that you’ve taken a wrong turn on this. The part about treasuring toys also just reads a bit as if you are slowly controlling them by restricting toys when they do perfectly normal kid things like lose a bit of it?
However 3-4 gifts is a nice amount for a child to open and I don’t think you need to buy more for the sake of it. But if my own friends were saying similar I would not be dismissing what they say.

Sounds absolutely fine. Kids don't need most of the crap they get and don't appreciate them at all.

whats described in the OP is similar to what we do, apart from as they’ve got older the stocking bits and bobs have become 6-7 things £3-15 rather than just tat.
a main present from parents, two from aunties (budget £15 each) and one from grandparenr budget £40. XH’a family don’t buy for them so that’s it and it’s ample! Wouldn’t want to store much more stuff

Funny isn't it - I've seen the well off families be mean at Christmas too, but also mean throughout the year.

That's why money stays with money. The family in question are spending £30 per child - incredibly mean when they'd happily spend £20 on a bottle of vodka to guzzle at the weekend.

We are comfortable, my children get gifts throughout the year because I feel guilty for working and not being a stay at home mom, and Christmas we go mad and it is magical - for them and for us!

Last year dd had just one gift under the tree from us (Father Christmas), it was a Barbie house so was a huge present and still keeps her well entertained now. Sometimes one really good gift can be enough. She did get a few small gifts from family after that, but that was the one that made her Christmas.

You think you're doing the right thing. You have explained very clearly here why you think your way is better than other people's. So all you need to do is make the same explanation to your DC in age appropriate language. If you decide to parent in a certain way due to your values and convictions then i think you should be willing and able to explain your choices to your DC when questioned. In fact I think this serves as a much more useful guide than affirmation or otherwise on MN, as good choices come easy to justify and if you're struggling to do that, it's the time to have another think.

oh ok, yes I can see how a Barbie dream house could be the one and only present as it’s huge and there’s a lot of playing power there. A Lego set isn’t the same.

Because I’m reading the thread and keep seeing your silly little comments. Leave me alone.

That will depend on the lego set... have you seen the price and size of some of them these days?

It depends how the one big gift is wanted. And what ot is!
If it's something like a dolls house with no furniture nor dolls, or wooden train track without trains then of course that's not going to work. Is the single gift actually a set - eg a bike and helmet, not just a bike...? Because the accessories aren't going to fit in a stocking and would spoil the surprise.
If they're getting further gifts from grandparents, aunts & uncles and/or your friends then they could be getting lots overall.

I agree that 500 gifts lessens the joy of each new thing. They might love the unwrapping and the sight of it all, but certainly mine would've been less into each thing. But theres a middle ground between the two!

OP, do you not get the ‘oh they’d love that’ urge? For me, I love buying for my kids, getting things I know they’ll love. It’s part of MY joy as much as theirs.

I wonder if shopping maybe isn’t your thing?

I think dc can understand if their parents can’t afford a few presents but I think they would find it hard if they grew up with very few things that they weren’t really allowed to play with how they wanted to in case they broke them in a household full of money. It is controlling in an unpleasant way and not an environmentally conscious and understanding the real magic of Christmas way.

Have you got children?

I can confirm that we have piles of presents as a child, and at no point felt overwhelmed!

My children get piles of presents too, and do not feel overwhelmed. I feel overwhelmed with absolute joy watching their little faces open their presents