Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband walked out when I confessed

251 replies

LuckyAquaCat · 21/12/2024 23:27

Since I was a child I have had a psychological condition, I pull my hair out. It’s called trichotillomania. I had never told anyone I did it and hid it, I was very ashamed of it and thought I was the only person who did this (I’ve since found out it’s quite common).
Anyway when I met my husband I finally told him about this, after we’d been together a year or so. It was a big deal for me as I’d never told anyone. He was surprised but ok when I told him, but the next morning I woke up and he was sleeping in the spare room. He said he couldn’t handle me being ‘mentally ill’,no one in his family is mentally ill and if I didn’t stop it he wouldn’t carry on with our planned marriage. He has kept looking at my hair constantly and making me feel even worse about how I look. I found out I’m pregnant just after this happened, as planned, I’m so devastated as I feel I’m now having to be with him even though he’s being really unpleasant to me over something I don’t have control over.

OP posts:
Sakura7 · 21/12/2024 23:30

He sounds like an absolute weirdo OP, what a horrible attitude.

You say you feel like you have to be with him, but you don't, even if you are pregnant.

HouseMoveHopeful · 21/12/2024 23:33

How long ago did this happen? Are you married to him now? It’s a bit unclear from your post.

Either way, how is he treating you now? Has he accepted the mental health challenges?

ShortyShorts · 21/12/2024 23:35

I'm confused.

Did you two get married or not?

Apileofballyhoo · 21/12/2024 23:36

He doesn't sound normal, OP.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 21/12/2024 23:38

' planned ' marriage, but you refer to him as your husband

and have you split up or not, as you say he walked out

Ella31 · 21/12/2024 23:52

None of this makes sense. So you are married now? But he won't marry you until this stops? And you just found out you are pregnant, right after this happened, but have managed to get married since then??

Original poster
LuckyAquaCat · 21/12/2024 23:53

Edit: marriage was planned when we started trying for a baby. We got married after this came out in the open, even though he wasn’t happy about it and kept saying I was ‘mad’. Once I found out I was expecting I didn’t think I had much choice. He said he’d tell all our relatives that I pulled my hair if I didn’t stop doing it. I have tried but it’s so hard. I’m horribly ashamed.

OP posts:
Toopulululu · 21/12/2024 23:53

I’m unclear whether you’re married or not but either way, if that’s his response to this I’d be ending the relationship.

Abandonedbypals · 21/12/2024 23:58

I guess it's a bit late for this advice but - don't marry and have a baby with someone you've only known for a year, especially if they mock you for having a mental health issue.

Why did you want to marry him in the first place? Do you even like each other?

MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 22/12/2024 00:00

Have you spoken to a doctor or anyone professional about this OP, as I feel sure that therapy is available, as it is quite a common thing?

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/12/2024 00:03

Unfortunately the old adage is key, "marry in haste, repent at leisure".

You'll end up divorcing him, might as well start soon. He's an abusive, judgemental arsehole.

ErrolTheDragon · 22/12/2024 00:05

He's the one who should be ashamed. He's meant to love and support you, not be nasty.

holju · 22/12/2024 00:06

You have nothing to be ashamed of. If a relative told me they had this condition I would not think any less of them at all. He though is abusive and should be ashamed of himself.

SequoiaTree · 22/12/2024 00:07

I've pulled my top eye lashes out since I was 9. Often have very few. It may have been linked to my stressful childhood. I'm not sure it's a mental illness? Isn't it a compulsion like biting your nails?
Anyway your dh shouldn't have been horrible to you.

Maray1967 · 22/12/2024 00:07

He is not a good man, OP. It’s as simple as that, I’m afraid. You have to ask yourself what is likely to happen if your DC ends up needing support because of SEN, for example. How will he treat your child?

Laurabeee · 22/12/2024 00:14

So many people have habits like skin picking, twirling their hair round a finger etc. I see lots of people in my work with these conditions and there should be no shame at all. None of them are mad. He sounds like he’s a bit odd and doesn’t really get it. It would annoy me but you shouldn’t his actions get to you. It s huge thing for people to tell other people they have these conditions. It shows insight into their condition.

RedToothBrush · 22/12/2024 00:14

LuckyAquaCat · 21/12/2024 23:53

Edit: marriage was planned when we started trying for a baby. We got married after this came out in the open, even though he wasn’t happy about it and kept saying I was ‘mad’. Once I found out I was expecting I didn’t think I had much choice. He said he’d tell all our relatives that I pulled my hair if I didn’t stop doing it. I have tried but it’s so hard. I’m horribly ashamed.

YABU.

He said all this and you were unhappy. And you STILL went ahead with the marriage and getting pregnant.

The marriage isn't going to last. Cut your losses and end it now.

Miniaturemom · 22/12/2024 00:14

Life has so many ups and downs to navigate together, especially with a child. Kids do all sorts of things and parents can give them awful complexes if not handled with grace and patience. A kind person does not behave how he did. What if he were to get seriously ill and struggle to cope? Have a child with SEN? That he hasn’t come across mental health issues is uncommonly lucky!!! I’m angry for you.

Lastsatbeforechristmas · 22/12/2024 00:15

Your soon to be husband is just awful. This is a condition that simply cannot be controlled. I know from experience because my husband has it. I would never call him mentally Ill or make him feel ashamed. You really need to educate him. He should be ashamed of himself.

devilspawn · 22/12/2024 00:16

LuckyAquaCat · 21/12/2024 23:53

Edit: marriage was planned when we started trying for a baby. We got married after this came out in the open, even though he wasn’t happy about it and kept saying I was ‘mad’. Once I found out I was expecting I didn’t think I had much choice. He said he’d tell all our relatives that I pulled my hair if I didn’t stop doing it. I have tried but it’s so hard. I’m horribly ashamed.

Sorry if this is obvious because I don't know much about it, but I know there are "toys" and such where you can pluck the "hairs" out as a distraction/alternative, have you tried anything like that?

Moosicmad · 22/12/2024 00:17

I've plucked my eyelashes out since primary school, constantly getting bollocked off my mum ( I'm nearly 50 yrs old ), told my new partner and he's been brilliant, he gently reminds me to stop messing when he senses a plucking session is about to happen and suggested I see a doctor.

I do think it's a mental health issue as my compulsion is worse when stressed, I'm on the waiting list for CBT to see if it helps.

There's ways to hide our problem, fake lashes & wigs but he can't hide the fact he's a knobead!

Chonk · 22/12/2024 00:18

OP are you saying you were engaged at the point he made these awful comments and then you went through with the marriage as you found out you were pregnant?

Yousay55 · 22/12/2024 00:19

Well, let’s hope your dh doesn’t develop a mental illness in his lifetime!

What an appalling attitude he has. You shouldn’t feel ashamed for having this condition-it’s an illness, like any other illness, and not something you bought upon yourself.

I hope you get all the love and support you need and deserve and get better.

Mrsbloggz · 22/12/2024 00:20

This man seems simple minded/ignorant and nasty.
I'd say you're better off without him OP.

Agapornis · 22/12/2024 00:21

What a weird reaction from him. Are your families both from a culture where talking about mental health is taboo?

You and your baby deserve better than a shit husband/shit dad. Imagine your child ever feels mentally unwell and he'd react the same way. He can fuck off.

Swipe left for the next trending thread