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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell them they can’t drink in their own home?

413 replies

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 20:23

Hi, I am a single mum to a toddler and have been invited by my family (parents and siblings) to spend Christmas with them and stay for the week.

I sent out a text a few days ago to basically say that I’d really appreciate it if people withhold from consuming alcohol around my son, excluding Christmas Day. I explained that most nights he goes to bed by 6/7pm so obviously still plenty time to drink in the evening. Reason being is that I just don’t like the atmosphere of people being drunk, especially when it brings out an aggressive/argumentative side which I have seen in certain family members. I wouldn’t take him to a pub everyday for the same reason. It’s also a safeguarding concern as a few months ago one family member was watching my son and he had a fall, resulting in a lump on his head and bruise lasting a week. I didn’t know they had been drinking, apparently it was only a couple, but I really felt like the alcohol was partly to blame. Maybe I’m being paranoid and it had nothing to do with it, but that’s how I feel.

2 out of the 3 adult family members have responded with yes that’s totally fine but the others have not. Not a peep.

I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not. Personally I don’t really care for alcohol, could go months without touching it, so doesn’t bother me. But appreciate others do enjoy drinking a lot more than me.

OP posts:
IdylicDay · 22/12/2024 02:25

You are trying to micromanage everyone to wrap your son up in cotton wool when he wouldn't even notice or understand arguments. He wouldn't even notice. What you're trying to do is very unhealthy.

IdylicDay · 22/12/2024 02:28

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 21:01

I did say in my post excluding Christmas Day. Im talking about the other 6 days.

Show quote history

You need to stay for a whole entire week, and you're only 4 hours away? I know people in the UK can't drive 30 minutes to visit someone without needing to stay overnight, but is there any reason you need to stay an entire week? 2 or 3 days is surely enough?

Buttercup198 · 22/12/2024 05:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ElizabethanAgain · 22/12/2024 05:24

I would seriously disbelieve the family members who replied to OP's request, especially the one who replied "absolutely".

Surely they were having a laugh at her expense.

SnappyCroc · 22/12/2024 05:49

thesunisastar · 21/12/2024 23:48

I'm in the minority but I understand perfectly where you are coming from.

I love a drink as do most of my friends and family, but we are all generally cheerful and very moderate drinkers. Unfortunately one family member is a terrible drinker and becomes maudlin, argumentative and and confrontational. As adult it is tedious and rather depressing to be around, but for children it is really unsettling and potentially quite frightening.

Why should the crappy behaviour of one family member mean that another family feels they have no choice but to exclude themselves? I think the fact that it is their house is a red herring. Everyone should be prioritising each other irrespective of whose house it is, and if you're a problem drinker then you should take it on the chin when someone calls you out on it. Which thankfully is what seems to have happened in the OP's case.

I agree with you but the problem is that obnoxious drunks usually don't take responsibility and admit they have an issue. So they're more likely to be outraged by the request than agree, because they don't acknowledge or they minimise their behaviour.

MsJilly · 22/12/2024 06:07

If there are 2 problematic drinkers, I wouldn't believe them if they promised not to drink, first of all.
Also, I don't know if I'll fancy a wine on Boxing Day, so I wouldn't agree in advance either way.
If you have a problem with the 2 problematic drinkers, don't stay for a week with them, I wouldn't believe.

PreferMyAnimals · 22/12/2024 07:20

IdylicDay · 22/12/2024 02:22

You sound way, way, way batshit crazy over-the-top and have Precious First Born syndrome. Please get a grip before you lose family and friends.

I didn't want people getting drunk and obnoxious in front of my fifth one either.

Bagwyllydiart · 22/12/2024 07:29

This must be a reverse, no real person would be asking this.

tuvamoodyson · 22/12/2024 07:35

YABVU and I’m practically teetotal!

TubeScreamer · 22/12/2024 08:55

Reverse or completely fabricated

Nobodyknowsitall5 · 22/12/2024 08:58

Hahahaha!! Amazing post. Seriously op? This has to be a wind up post.

NerrSnerr · 22/12/2024 09:51

My family used to be problematic like this (most of the problematic ones are now dead because of alcohol). Before I had kids I just put up with it for a couple of days but after I had children I refused to let them see people in that state so we just didn't see them often and when we did we stayed in hotels so we could go back to the room as soon as they were drinking.

RampantIvy · 22/12/2024 09:56

Nobodyknowsitall5 · 22/12/2024 08:58

Hahahaha!! Amazing post. Seriously op? This has to be a wind up post.

Have you read the OP's subsequent posts? A couple of the drinkers appear to be problem drinkers.

Original poster
Toddlertantrums222 · 22/12/2024 10:05

IdylicDay · 22/12/2024 02:25

You are trying to micromanage everyone to wrap your son up in cotton wool when he wouldn't even notice or understand arguments. He wouldn't even notice. What you're trying to do is very unhealthy.

It’s not that at all. My son is 2 and chidlren, even babies, pick up on peoples emotions especially when they are extremely heightened/negative. That to me is unhealthy.
I understand it’s a bit mad to ask, and in ideal world I wouldn’t have to, but I felt I needed to so I did.

OP posts:
SameAsItEverWas24 · 22/12/2024 10:42

eightIsNewNine · 22/12/2024 00:42

The YABU number is irrelevant.
Half of the posters didn't get over the headline.
Half of those who did inserted themselves and their drinking habits in the situation and feel offended someone would ask them when they have "no problem".

You are trying to find a way to make the stay with your family work and you actually have a good chance to get the critical mass on your side. Of course things can blow up anyway, and you know it, but it is absolutely worth trying.

This. OPs original post wasnt brilliantly written. But read the rest of her posts (there is a button to do this folks ) and it makes more sense. But seems like most YABUs didn't get past the first post. Pity really.

Phoebefail · 22/12/2024 11:26

If we went out we would leave a bottle of wine for the baby sitter.

SameAsItEverWas24 · 22/12/2024 11:43

Toddlertantrums222 · 22/12/2024 10:05

It’s not that at all. My son is 2 and chidlren, even babies, pick up on peoples emotions especially when they are extremely heightened/negative. That to me is unhealthy.
I understand it’s a bit mad to ask, and in ideal world I wouldn’t have to, but I felt I needed to so I did.

Show quote history

Asking people not to be twats is hardly "micro managing". It's pretty healthy behaviour. Good for you OP

AhBiscuits · 22/12/2024 11:50

SameAsItEverWas24 · 22/12/2024 11:43

Asking people not to be twats is hardly "micro managing". It's pretty healthy behaviour. Good for you OP

Show quote history

Asking people not to be twats is fine. Asking someone not to have a glass of wine is not.

Boomer55 · 22/12/2024 11:51

Their house, their rules. Of course you’re being unreasonable 🤷‍♀️

SameAsItEverWas24 · 22/12/2024 11:54

AhBiscuits · 22/12/2024 11:50

Asking people not to be twats is fine. Asking someone not to have a glass of wine is not.

Show quote history

What? The drinking leads to the twattery. Just like jumping in on a thread without bothering to read it properly (and making it about yourself) leads to twattery.

WhimsicalGubbins76 · 22/12/2024 11:56

Did you purposely post this for a pile on??

They’d be well within their rights to tell you stay at home, alone, for Christmas.

What a ridiculous, entitled post op 🤣🤣

SALaw · 22/12/2024 11:58

You are unreasonable. Your choice is go to the family or don't go but you can't dictate this

SameAsItEverWas24 · 22/12/2024 12:04

WhimsicalGubbins76 · 22/12/2024 11:56

Did you purposely post this for a pile on??

They’d be well within their rights to tell you stay at home, alone, for Christmas.

What a ridiculous, entitled post op 🤣🤣

Yeah. But they didn't. Some people have decent families

Parisienne123 · 22/12/2024 12:08

SALaw · 22/12/2024 11:58

You are unreasonable. Your choice is go to the family or don't go but you can't dictate this

If she was my daughter or sister Îd absolutely rather she asked for this reasonable favour ( not drinking around her son ) than not come at all. I could always say no , but given her reasons I wouldn’t.

Glittertwins · 22/12/2024 12:08

It is a bit weird to have even considered to ask but I wasn't brought up in a household that appears to revolve around alcohol so arguing and aggression isn't something that I've had to consider.