To tell them they can’t drink in their own home?

[Toddlertantrums222]

Hi, I am a single mum to a toddler and have been invited by my family (parents and siblings) to spend Christmas with them and stay for the week.

I sent out a text a few days ago to basically say that I’d really appreciate it if people withhold from consuming alcohol around my son, excluding Christmas Day. I explained that most nights he goes to bed by 6/7pm so obviously still plenty time to drink in the evening. Reason being is that I just don’t like the atmosphere of people being drunk, especially when it brings out an aggressive/argumentative side which I have seen in certain family members. I wouldn’t take him to a pub everyday for the same reason. It’s also a safeguarding concern as a few months ago one family member was watching my son and he had a fall, resulting in a lump on his head and bruise lasting a week. I didn’t know they had been drinking, apparently it was only a couple, but I really felt like the alcohol was partly to blame. Maybe I’m being paranoid and it had nothing to do with it, but that’s how I feel.

2 out of the 3 adult family members have responded with yes that’s totally fine but the others have not. Not a peep.

I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not. Personally I don’t really care for alcohol, could go months without touching it, so doesn’t bother me. But appreciate others do enjoy drinking a lot more than me.

Hahahhaha stay at home, good Lord!

(we're on the bucks fizz at 11am)

This

I wouldn't be going somewhere where people will be arguing agressively.
OP has the choice not to go and her relatives have to chose if alcohol is more important then her attending.

I totally agree. If she’s that concerned (and in for a miserable Christmas by the sounds of it), then she shouldn’t even consider going. It’s her toddler, ergo she looks after it. What’s not to understand? 🤷🏼‍♀️

This!! How entitled!!

You cannot dictate what people are allowed to consume in their own home.
YABU totally.

As someone who grew up with a lot of drinking around the winter holiday which often escalated into arguments and aggression, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable and I’m sad to see I’m in the minority. I enjoy a drink as much as the next person, but people should drink responsibly around children. The obvious compromise is to have just one or two until children are in bed. If they can’t do that then they should refrain and wait until children aren’t around.

So, no one can have a drink with their Christmas lunch? I mean, come on!
If it worries you that much stay at home.
You can't tell other people what to do in their own home.

if you feel that strongly then don’t go. You can’t really be telling people they can’t enjoy a drink or two in the own home over Christmas of an afternoon. If they wish you to. No one should be getting so drunk they become argumentative around a toddler anyway, that’s just sensible, but a couple? No, you can’t be dictating to people who have invited you to their home like that.

mid your family can’t be trusted not to get so drunk it’s an issue then don’t go.

What exactly are you going to do if they decide at 4pm the bar should be open?! Go and remind them that they made an agreement? Am really sorry OP but this is madness. If they are so awful that you are worried that Auntie Sue and Uncle Chris will start smashing plates against a wall then you shouldn’t be going/stay in a bed and breakfast/hotel so you can remove yourself from the situation.

As a tee total for the exact same reason I do understand where you are coming from regarding your son. But it's your responsibility and yours only to keep him safe if things are getting out of hand take him out of the situation. You cannot expect anyone to not drink in their own home.

So what happens if they drink on Christmas Day (as they're 'allowed ') but have too much & there's an argument.

I think you are being unreasonable. I would react to the bad behaviour and remove your child and yourself from the situation.

It may have been reasonable to say something like: "I know it's Christmas & everyone enjoys a drink but it would be lovely if people didn't overdo it and cause unnecessary drama."

You are being vvv unreasonable

Wow. You'll be popular on the other family what's ap group because trust me there is one where they're laughing at your request.
I think you might find that your invitations to future events gets 'lost' next year/

I think what you are asking for is reasonable, but big drinkers will never agree!

I just kept my DC away from the situation. Not fair of me to dictate what all the grown ups can/can’t do, so we stayed home - a bit sad, but as least they never relived the Christmases of my childhood.

And it will be on Christmas Day itself, 100%. Because people with any kind of drink problem think that day is green light day,

I totally understand your concerns OP. I’ve never wanted my children to be around alcohol either - it changes people. I don’t see it as any different to them being exposed to drug taking or a bookies shop … but in someone else’s home it’s not your choice. If I was in your boots I’d be thinking about making your own traditions with your toddler going forward and inviting friends/family you feel comfortable with to celebrate with you.

No only are you totally out of line, unreasonable & a CF but when they start drinking after he goes to bed they will get louder, are you going to tell them to be quiet as well?

Just don't go if it doesn't suit your standards.

It's everyone else's Christmas as well.

You are being unreasonable. You cannot tell people what they can and cannot do in their home. People drink and consume alcohol on the holidays, especially the holidays. You can't expect them not to. And as long as they are adults and drink responsibly it should be of no concern to you. If someone is acting a little drunk, remove yourself from the situation. No need to make a big fuss about it. But making demands is going too far and if you really don't want to be around it, the best option is to stay home.

You're being completely ridiculous. The word "entitled" springs to mind (overused on MN but appropriate in this case IMO). Since you've already told people they aren't allowed to drink in their own home, your question is a bit disingenuous. I'm surprised anyone agreed to follow your rules. I'm not much of a drinker, but in your relatives' shoes I would tell you, "Not on your nelly."

Seriously OP? Blimey. Of course you’re BU. Just don’t go, you sound hard work.

I'd just avoid leaving your child with someone else, even for a second. If they were coming to you you could be more strict.

You are being unreasonable. They aren’t going to be looking after your child. My family always had lots to drink Christmas Day and evenings would have quite the party. I stopped taking my daughter until I thought she would be old enough. Would never of asked them to not drink. Was everyone’s day to unwind. If I had lived closer I could have gone in the morning until 2 and then left but I wasn’t so didn’t go.

What an extraordinary family! I’ve never heard of one that gets fighting drunk by 7pm on Christmas Day.