Page 15 | To tell them they can’t drink in their own home?

Toddlertantrums222 · 2024-12-21T20:23:14+00:00

Hi, I am a single mum to a toddler and have been invited by my family (parents and siblings) to spend Christmas with them and stay for the week. I sent out a text a few days ago to basically say that I’d really appreciate it if people withhold from consuming alcohol around my son, excluding Christmas Day. I explained that most nights he goes to bed by 6/7pm so obviously still plenty time to drink in the evening. Reason being is that I just don’t like the atmosphere of people being drunk, especially when it brings out an aggressive/argumentative side which I have seen in certain family members. I wouldn’t take him to a pub everyday for the same reason. It’s also a safeguarding concern as a few months ago one family member was watching my son and he had a fall, resulting in a lump on his head and bruise lasting a week. I didn’t know they had been drinking, apparently it was only a couple, but I really felt like the alcohol was partly to blame. Maybe I’m being paranoid and it had nothing to do with it, but that’s how I feel. 2 out of the 3 adult family members have responded with yes that’s totally fine but the others have not. Not a peep. I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not. Personally I don’t really care for alcohol, could go months without touching it, so doesn’t bother me. But appreciate others do enjoy drinking a lot more than me.

Bertielong3 · 22/12/2024 20:06

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CandiedPrincess · 22/12/2024 20:13

I'd uninvite you

Mamasperspective · 22/12/2024 20:15

You can't dictate that others can't drink over the festive period. You are responsible for your child while you are there so the accident scenario is a moot point. If you feel strongly about it then just don't go but why do others have to sacrifice enjoying their holidays or having a glass of wine while preparing lunch JUST because you've decided to have a child? (And before you come for me, I have a 2 year old and an 11 month old ... I would never dictate to others ... I am responsible for my kids and if I didn't like an atmosphere I have the choice to take my kids out of the room)

Djmaggie · 22/12/2024 20:28

This has to be a joke. Why would you think you can dictate this. I would want to have a drink just because of your audacity to be honest.

katter · 22/12/2024 20:29

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I think it's OK to ask but not to dictate. Probably depends on the family dynamics though.
Im a former addict so I wouldn't go to dinners where certain Kinds of of alcohol are served. People have always been understanding and refrained from drinking those.

Yabadabadu · 22/12/2024 20:30

I would just love to know who are these alcoholics voting that you are being unreasonable? No of course you’re not being unreasonable. Your toddler sleeps by 6/7pm. I’m sure these adult family members won’t die without an alcoholic drink until then. Anyone who thinks otherwise needs to check into rehab stat as they clearly have a drinking problem. It’s never too late to ask for help folks.

WibblyWobblyWabberWonk · 22/12/2024 20:48

I am essentially a non-drinker and I live with an alcoholic and I hate it. HATE IT! And I'm trapped here, but that's a story for another time. Point is, even i voted yabu. You cannot tell other people what to do at someone else's gathering.

IKEAJesus · 22/12/2024 20:50

Yabadabadu · 22/12/2024 20:30

I would just love to know who are these alcoholics voting that you are being unreasonable? No of course you’re not being unreasonable. Your toddler sleeps by 6/7pm. I’m sure these adult family members won’t die without an alcoholic drink until then. Anyone who thinks otherwise needs to check into rehab stat as they clearly have a drinking problem. It’s never too late to ask for help folks.

It’s not about the alcohol for me. It’s about OP feeling entitled to dictate what other people do in someone else’s house.

If she was hosting she could put whatever restrictions she likes in place.

NewGreenDuck · 22/12/2024 20:55

Yabadabadu · 22/12/2024 20:30

I would just love to know who are these alcoholics voting that you are being unreasonable? No of course you’re not being unreasonable. Your toddler sleeps by 6/7pm. I’m sure these adult family members won’t die without an alcoholic drink until then. Anyone who thinks otherwise needs to check into rehab stat as they clearly have a drinking problem. It’s never too late to ask for help folks.

I have a drink about once a year unless I'm going to a wedding for example. It's not the fact that she's asking people not to drink, it's the fact that it's another person's home. In her home, her rules, but not to dictate in another's. No.

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 22/12/2024 21:34

So many Brits are weirdly defensive about alcohol. I'm another one who thinks 'good for you OP'. You're putting the needs of your child front and centre, as the whole family should. They can survive without drinking alcohol before 7pm, and if not, if they are really struggling with that, it's a clear sign they have a problem with alcohol and this could prove to be a wake up call. I much prefer the company of people when they are sober, it's sad that people are so reliant on booze that they can't imagine not drinking during the day.

Mandaxx25 · 22/12/2024 21:37

Not your house and you're 100% responsible for your child. Either you go to bed with him and call it a night or don't go altogether. You can't dictate that everyone else doesn't drink at the one time of the year almost everyone has a drink. You're being ridiculous.

SameAsItEverWas24 · 22/12/2024 21:39

Mandaxx25 · 22/12/2024 21:37

Not your house and you're 100% responsible for your child. Either you go to bed with him and call it a night or don't go altogether. You can't dictate that everyone else doesn't drink at the one time of the year almost everyone has a drink. You're being ridiculous.

She isn't dictating. She's asking. They've agreed. They're her family too. And if people can't wait till 6pm to drink, which is all she's asking, then they have a problem

CandyCane5 · 22/12/2024 21:40

Why agree to stay a week with them if you know alcohol is a main part of their Christmas? I'd rather be alone with my toddler and in peace, doing things my own way if I were you

NewName24 · 22/12/2024 21:45

Yabadabadu · 22/12/2024 20:30

I would just love to know who are these alcoholics voting that you are being unreasonable? No of course you’re not being unreasonable. Your toddler sleeps by 6/7pm. I’m sure these adult family members won’t die without an alcoholic drink until then. Anyone who thinks otherwise needs to check into rehab stat as they clearly have a drinking problem. It’s never too late to ask for help folks.

So you are suggesting 95% of posters are alcoholics ?

You are being ridiculous.
Most people can have a drink without becoming aggressive. It is the aggression that is the issue, not the alcohol.

But the simple line here is you can't go to stay at someone else's house and dictate that they can't have a drink.

It's not that I can't go without a drink. Mostly we take turns to drive when we go places so I regularly manage at parties / weddings / indeed Christmas Days without having any alcohol. I'm not dependent on it, but I happen to enjoy the taste of mulled wine, or some wine with a meal, or a baileys after the meal. There is no reason why I need to not have something I enjoy like that at a social gathering, because one other guest is laying down demands.

Laurmolonlabe · 22/12/2024 22:55

Really you can't spend Christmas with them if you feel like this- you absolutely cannot tell anyone they can't drink in their own home, no matter what you feel, it is completely unreasonable.
You have to spend Christmas alone if you feel you need to police people's behaviour in their own home, I'm not surprised you have had no response from some people- I would be absolutely disgusted by your presumption.

leia24 · 22/12/2024 22:56

No you can't do that. You stay sober, other people can do what they want, you can choose not to go

SameAsItEverWas24 · 22/12/2024 23:04

Laurmolonlabe · 22/12/2024 22:55

Really you can't spend Christmas with them if you feel like this- you absolutely cannot tell anyone they can't drink in their own home, no matter what you feel, it is completely unreasonable.
You have to spend Christmas alone if you feel you need to police people's behaviour in their own home, I'm not surprised you have had no response from some people- I would be absolutely disgusted by your presumption.

She can and she did. And they agreed. What kind of world do you live in where a daughter or sister can't say "please don't do that destructive thing you're.doing"?

Mandaxx25 · 22/12/2024 23:14

SameAsItEverWas24 · 22/12/2024 21:39

She isn't dictating. She's asking. They've agreed. They're her family too. And if people can't wait till 6pm to drink, which is all she's asking, then they have a problem

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So you've just told me that you're demanding and when your demands aren't met you'll turn it into other people being the problem. I often wonder why people are the way they are nowadays. You've helped clear up some of the steps anyway. Family or otherwise, she's in the wrong and so are you.

Emanresu52 · 22/12/2024 23:14

Just don't go. Their house so they can party as hard as they want. Think you've got a bit of a nerve tbh.

Laurmolonlabe · 22/12/2024 23:15

Read the post, some agreed, some didn't reply.
What world do you live in that you think having a child means you can dictate to people (even if you are related to them) what they do in their own home? You may think of drinking as destructive behaviour, but most people wouldn't agree.

fairycakes1234 · 22/12/2024 23:16

NewName24 · 22/12/2024 21:45

So you are suggesting 95% of posters are alcoholics ?

You are being ridiculous.
Most people can have a drink without becoming aggressive. It is the aggression that is the issue, not the alcohol.

But the simple line here is you can't go to stay at someone else's house and dictate that they can't have a drink.

It's not that I can't go without a drink. Mostly we take turns to drive when we go places so I regularly manage at parties / weddings / indeed Christmas Days without having any alcohol. I'm not dependent on it, but I happen to enjoy the taste of mulled wine, or some wine with a meal, or a baileys after the meal. There is no reason why I need to not have something I enjoy like that at a social gathering, because one other guest is laying down demands.

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Agree!!

SameAsItEverWas24 · 22/12/2024 23:17

Mandaxx25 · 22/12/2024 23:14

So you've just told me that you're demanding and when your demands aren't met you'll turn it into other people being the problem. I often wonder why people are the way they are nowadays. You've helped clear up some of the steps anyway. Family or otherwise, she's in the wrong and so are you.

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Thanks

Dontlletmedownbruce · 22/12/2024 23:20

If there was anything that would encourage me to day drink it would be your message. I'd also ask you to refrain from being a control freak while in my company.

XChrome · 22/12/2024 23:38

Boomer55 · 22/12/2024 11:51

Their house, their rules. Of course you’re being unreasonable 🤷‍♀️

Why are you assuming all the drunks live in the same house? It could be the actual owners of the house are not the problem drinkers. I don't recall OP saying whether or not they are. Mind you I haven't read every single post.

XChrome · 22/12/2024 23:44

I must say that I'm baffled by how extreme many of these responses are. I can only assume anyone who responds with howling outrage and proceeds to insult this OP is defensive because s/he has a drinking problem.