People turning up without warning- rude?

[notedbiscuits]

I find this behaviour rude and thoughtless. As the homeowners may have plans themselves or in the midst of a cooking marathon esp this time of the year.

Be nicer for them to message/call saying are you available to have a chat as in the area etc.

If you are one of those people who turn up at others without informing them first. Why do you do it?

And right on cue.

The famous response to everything on MN.

You forgot to advise the mandatory hiding behind the sofa and shaking with fear. And then promptly jumping on MN to ask who could it be at the door and if it’s reasonable to not answer it.

Mature.

Has anyone ever actually said that they hide behind the sofa 'shaking with fear' when someone is at the door?

Are you just making it up for dramatic effect?

If you can't provide a link to an example of someone shaking with fear behind the sofa (when someone knocks the door) I can only surmise you are indeed exaggerating and making shit up.

Most people are just downright antisocial, resent that an appointment hasn't been booked, or don't want anyone crossing the threshold into "their sanctuary"

Calling someone antisocial because they prefer to make a mutually agreeable arrangement is so passive aggressive
It's perfectly normal to say " Friday is fine with me, looking forward to it"
The hyperbole of "antisocial" when it's simply that people prefer a mutually agreeable time is really a code for " I want my own way and don't like being told no"
It's lack of respect and boundaries to foist your self on others, ignore the fact its not convenient and outstay your welcome.
If you have a pop in relationship with a friend or neighbour or family -great
It's not really those people being referred to but the socially inept ones who turn up when it's not welcome or convenient and keep doing it.

Cue snark, soooo saaad for you, everyone hates you type responses 🙄

You forgot to advise the mandatory hiding behind the sofa and shaking with fear. And then promptly jumping on MN to ask who could it be at the door and if it’s reasonable to not answer it

Talk about dramatic. Are you completely incapable of realising that someone preferring others to check in advance if they're actually going to be in to save them a completely wasted journey or its convenient means that they are shaking and sobbing with fear behind the sofa?

Like, really? you actually believe this garbage? If so, I dread to think how OTT you are about other more significant issues.....

@TowerBallroom 100% agree. There's an air of superiority and obnoxiousness around these posters who think people are being unreasonable to not want unwanted visitors, and YES, they are giving this 'I want my OWN WAY' type of vibe.

If I don't want people just dropping by without warning, and expecting me to drop everything I'm doing to entertain them (often for hours!) that's my right, and I don't have to explain myself to anyone. How fucking arrogant some posters are on this thread. Who do they think they are, trying to tell people how to live! (And then getting all snarky and sarcastic and passive aggressive, when people say they don't like uninvited visitors dropping by - expecting them to drop everything they're doing and let them in!)

And yes my home IS my sanctuary, and I WON'T let people in who drop by uninvited (most of the time,) and if people don't like it they can kiss my fat ass!

Yeah this! ^ I asked that poster to provide an example (on Mumsnet) of someone 'shaking and crying behind the sofa' when a visitor came to the door unexpectedly. Because they made a big deal of saying that they had seen people say this on here!

Seems they're still looking for those posts! 😂

You sure can tell who the entitled popper-inners are on this thread! 😆

It's so tiresome the way snark about 'appointments' always gets trotted out on thread like this. It's not about appointments, it's about respect for other people's time.

Exactly! It’s not an appointment - it’s an arrangement. And it makes sense for both parties. Even if people don’t care about annoying someone else by just turning up whenever, don’t they care about wasting their own time?

Yeah this! ^ I asked that poster to provide an example (on Mumsnet) of someone 'shaking and crying behind the sofa' when a visitor came to the door unexpectedly. Because they made a big deal of saying that they had seen people say this on here!

Yup- I dont think I have ever read a post on here where someone was cowering behind the sofa shaking with fear because someone knocked on the door.

I have seen people choose not to answer the door which in my opinion is no different to not answering the phone because you are right in the middle of something or not texting someone back within a second of them texting you. Why is answering the door any different? Do those people demand they get replies to their texts within 5 seconds of sending them too? Or, would they proclaim that anyone who doesnt reply to a text message immediately will end up friendless and alone forever because of it?

If you take a chance and randomly call on someone without checking they are in first then them not answering the door is a risk you take- tough shit really.

Exactly! Or start threads moaning about how friendless you are

Eh? I've declined to answer the door on many occasion - due to being in the shower, on the loo, having a nap, got my headphones on and didnt hear the door, had the flu etc, I've never once had a friend flounce off and dump me all because I didnt answer the door that one time when they called round unexpectedly.

What kind of entitled, shit friends do you have that would do this?

But it's not just 30 seconds to answer the door, it's however long the visitor has decided to stay, unless you want to risk them getting all hurt when you say you're in the middle of something.

My friends don't get hurt by me saying I'm in the middle of something. I don't get hurt if my friends are in the middle of something.

Guess what....I just turned up at someone's house!
I knocked on the door, Mum answered and I handed over a bunch of flowers and the Xmas present from my son to his GF (her daughter).
I said, "I'm just dropping these off". She said thank you and then asked me about my Xmas plans. I stayed for about 5 minutes.

I presume if they had been in the middle of something they would not have answered, or if they busy trying to get out of the house or whatever, she would have opened the door and told me as much, and I would have left and she would have got on with her day.

If any of that would be regarded as rude them I am not living in the same world as people.

Fine for you, then, but not everyone's friends/relatives are like that.

Of course. If someone is going to be hurt by their friend telling them they are busy then it indicates to me that the person needs to think about why they feel that way. That sort of person should certainly not knock on a friend's door. It doesn't mean the act of knocking on a door is rude per se.

Seems to me like a lot of faff that could be avoided with a quick “Are you free if I pop by later?” text.

Oh god,I hate it when people do this. Thankfully,it rarely happens now as it was my ex-husband's family who were absolute PITA for doing this. They'd just rock up at any time of the day or night (11 at night wasn't unheard of) and expect you to welcome them with open arms. Trying to pretend we were out was not an option as they'd see our car outside. This was pre-mobile phone days,but we did have a landline they could have called. I think the reason they never checked beforehand that it was OK was because they didn't want to give us the chance to put them off.

Fair comment. I just know I've had to witness a few whipped-puppy expressions over the years when I've had to tell people it's not a good time, part of why I stress about impromptu visitors now. 😬

Anyone guilt-tripping you about your being busy when they drop by is a twerp. Of course people are sometimes busy, that’s life.

But equally, dropping by on spec to drop off presents (and have a cuppa if convenient) is neither rude nor inconsiderate.

It’s happened twice this weekend so far, and it’s nice to see people. Also an excuse for a 10 minute break from food prep/cleaning etc.

It’s what always used to happen before everyone lived behind locked doors and only communicated by mobile. Life was a lot happier then. Full of unexpected surprises. More relaxed. I miss those days.

Hate people turning up unannounced. Only one person in my life does it - a neighbour - and I've started ignoring the doorbell if I'm in the middle of something (I work from home and she will often just pop round at 3pm). Separate rant really but people tend to see working from home as a skive and honestly, I don't stop, even for lunch. It's different as I run the business, so much of my work ethic is either the way I'm wired or just the inevitability of being a business owner, but either way, nipping round for a cuppa during the work day pisses me off no end, and then in the evening every bit of my time is planned and micro-managed. I can happily plan to see people but don't just nip over unannounced and barge through my plans.

I don't like unexpected visitors.
Sometimes it's inconvenient and I want a say in it.

Oh, tell me about it. I wfh too and while I thankfully don't have a serial popper-inner on work days, some people definitely seem to think it's fine to disturb a wfh-er whenever it suits them.

But people had more time then. Less time and more pressure now, for most people.

It’s not rocket science though it does seem like it. Basically if someone you really like comes knocking at your door you do everything you can to make them feel welcome. This is very rare. If the person is a bit needy, a bit of a bore then it’s an outrage! Ball on other foot… if you fancy seeing someone for a chat then going round seems very reasonable, if you ring and ask them they might say no! Over time, as you get older, you realise you can’t do that. The older you get the fussier you get. It’s great when you are very young and don’t know what you’re doing. In fact it’s part of growing up. Then social rules come in, formality and polite behaviour.

I agree with this but would change the last word to 'women.'