People turning up without warning- rude?

[notedbiscuits]

I find this behaviour rude and thoughtless. As the homeowners may have plans themselves or in the midst of a cooking marathon esp this time of the year.

Be nicer for them to message/call saying are you available to have a chat as in the area etc.

If you are one of those people who turn up at others without informing them first. Why do you do it?

I'd probably have felt awkward/mean. As I said, I've asked them before to give me a bit of notice, but what can you do when someone won't give you that courtesy?

I can never understand why people take the risk, especially those who drive a distance.. people might not be in, might be busy, and they've done a pointless hour round trip.
It's just better for everyone if people check.

Fair enough.
I suppose I want people to admit that it is not the caller who is being rude (as per the thread title), but that they do not have the sort of relationship with the caller that allows them to be honest; that instead they go along with feeling uncomfortable and thinking the caller is rude.

Whatever my relationship with someone, it’s still rude to me if someone turns up unannounced unless they live here. It doesn’t matter if I feel comfortable telling them it’s not a good time. Just send a text first

Oh I love people dropping by, reminds me why my grandparents always said cook enough for unexpected visitors or always have a drink ready. I tell my friends and family, the fact you have my address means come anytime xx

I know someone like this and she is probably sad not many people take her up on it.

I'm a non popper inner. At the moment we are chilling with our DS who has just come home for Christmas and the dogs. The house isn't 100% tidy and I'm putting tidying up off till later.

The only people I wouldn't mind popping in is parents and DSD. I do not want visitors.

It's a part of Christmas I love, and I miss it now I'm not close enough to most friends and family for them to just pop in.

As a child, relatives and friends - and even my Dad's workmates - popped in during the week leading up to Christmas Day. It was as much part of the build up as the Blue Peter Advent crown. Yes, my Mum would often be cooking, or Dad doing DIY, but so what?

As an adult I still love it, and even someone who said they had just come with a present or card would be invited in for a mince pie and a drink. Ha, I've even hijacked a couple of neighbours who were posting my Christmas card!

My family and friends are always welcome here, and especially at Christmas. Although, like my parents, I don't pop in on other people.

100% this.
I come from a family and community where people would ‘pop in’. I love hearing a knock at the door, not knowing who it is and then it turning out to be a friend/ family member.

However both my besties find an unannounced drop in stressful and know not to do it to them.

@mnreader pop in to my house unannounced anytime 😁

Of course it is the caller who is being rude. There are putting someone in an uncomcomfortable position when it so easily does not have to happen that way.

The polite thing to do is send a text beforehand. The visit can go ahead, the host can have time to do whatever they need to do beforehand and the guest won't have a wasted journey if the host is out.

I'll give you an example

Hi Katie, I'm in your area this afternoon. Would it suit if I called in for a catchup?
Hi Grace, yes it would be lovely to see you. I have a dental appointment at 2 but should be home by 3 so anytime after that would be great.
Hi Katie, great, I will call around 3.30.
Hi Grace, perfect, see you then.

This wouldn't happen with me, I don't work from home. If I am in I am available. It's not like I have hundreds of friends/family members and if a not close one would ask first but close friends and family not a problem.

It's called being massively entitled and needy, to rock up at someone's house, and expect someone to drop what they're doing, and any plans they might have to accommodate YOU and sit there chatting to YOU (when they had different plans!)

Why does YOUR desire to randomly pop to someone's house - uninvited - and sit there chatting and being entertained by the host you have foisted yourself on, trump the desire of the host and their wish to be alone/get on with plans they already have?!

So rude! To drop in without warning. It's not the 1950s anymore. Women have busy, hectic, full lives now, most women work, and most women have other pursuits and hobbies. As a pp said, some people assume that people who are at home are just sitting in the house doing fuck-all! And even if I am, I'm still not going to let you in if you come without warning, because I don't want you here. I don't want to 'move' or 'adapt' or 'change' anything. I just don't want you in my house when you have just turned up without warning.

.

Exactly this. ^ It's pure common sense. Most people I know are busy people with full lives and many hobbies, and/or they are busy professionals with a stressful, hectic job. The last thing they want or need is me turning up on the doorstep expecting to be let in for coffee and 'a chat.' 🙄

And as I said, I don't appreciate it being done to me.

I don't open the door unless I know a delivery is coming, repairs, or people warn me first. Ever.

Each to their own, keep calm ! But grow up. Er who is it that's entitled??

I'm the person who doesn't really like unexpected visitors to be honest so I would find this rude now for someone to just turn up but we're all different some people don't mind

My parents would have been upset if we had walked past their house without popping in to say hello. They would have considered that rude.
OP you would have hated the farming families around us. You were expected to just walk in and sit at the kitchen table.

I love having unexpected visitors especially this time of year. If I’m in the middle of something we just all muck in to get it done, then we can have a chat over a drink and something to eat. I like my home to be welcoming, as do most people that I know.

I grew up in the 1970's and of course being no mobile phones friends used to just turn up at the door. It was an accepted thing, our back door was always open as was most of our friends and if we weren't in and parents answered friends just went on to the ext. friends house in the hope of catching up! But then, parents didn't track teenagers and I'm guessing because of the culture of houses being open for friends they all assumed we were relatively safe even if they didn't know exactly where we were.
In my 20's and early 30's I lived in a city where it was quite usual for people to just pop by if they were passing, when I moved and had a young child I would yearn for the days of an unexpected visitor to break up the day. No-one ever took offence at not being invited in ,or being told you were too busy to chat, it was just part of life (texting was not common then either...)
It's sad to read that so may people find this rude - our society has really changed that someone who is likely to be a friend/relative might feel they were rude. Can't we just have an honest conversation?

I also feel its entitled to randomly show up at someone's house.

Obviously not a parent or very close family or friend. But anybody else I would always check first. I know some people probably don't mind random visits but no harm to text first as a lot of people don't like them.

I don't mean it in a mean way, but you don't work, do you?

It's weird, most people wouldn't really dropped by unannounced and uninvited to a place of work, so why do SOME think it's ok to drop in people's house? No difference!

SIL is the worst for this. Weekend mornings at mostly around 9am! I hate it. I work mon to fri full time and im busy at rhe weekends, housework, cleaning etc and at 9 still in pj or sweatpants, no bra, messy hair then she says i look ill cos i have no make up on.. DH (her DB) laughs n thinks its funny but hes normally out at work when she pops in..it delays my day.I Make her tea and listen to the same old repeated shite...
Jump to around tea time and my mother does the same except she just walks in..
Boundaries please!!!!

Is there a lock on the door?

Don't let them in. Simple

It's got nothing at all to do with anxiety, and everything to do with manners.

Crack on and bore people to tears with your chatter, if you like. Not everyone wants to hear it though.

YANBU.

I think there are people for whom this kind of stuff is the norm in their circle-and they all engage in it-so they're happy with it and they can crack on.

I personally don't like it when people come over unannounced. If it's family-I don't mind, but anyone else-notice is appreciated.

As much as people are trying to pretend that it's just oh so easy to turn them away if you're busy or play pretend at going out if you don't fancy entertaining them-it's not.

A lot of these types of people who impose themselves on people will find it the height of rudeness if they're not invited in and offered a drink and time for a chat. Which then turns the onus around on the person who was being imposed upon to then be viewed as "rude" when it was the person imposing that was rude in the first place.

Of course, there's a bit of a difference to have someone who is literally just in the area for something else and decides to knock on the door to say hello but open to leaving if not suitable time-and someone who purposefully heads to someone's house, unannounced, and expects to be let in and entertained.

People act like anyone who dares to disagree with unannounced visitors are rude, unsociable, anxiety-laden creatures and that is not the case. Many of us WFH, have lives that we're living and things that we're doing and shit, sometimes, you just want to be left alone and given advanced notice if any visitors are to drop by.

Also, don't get me started on the crowds who turn up unannounced specifically because they know you WFH and of course, that means you're absolutely available for tea and a chat. Seems those people forget that the the W in WFH stands for something.