People turning up without warning- rude?

[notedbiscuits]

I find this behaviour rude and thoughtless. As the homeowners may have plans themselves or in the midst of a cooking marathon esp this time of the year.

Be nicer for them to message/call saying are you available to have a chat as in the area etc.

If you are one of those people who turn up at others without informing them first. Why do you do it?

I grew up in a home with an open door policy, people knocked at normal hours (ie not late and not around lunch / dinner). It was social and nice, I enjoyed the spontaneity.
as I got older I met people that found this rude and annoying, I’d never considered this.

i guess now people are busier and it may come across more annoying than a generation ago.

I hope I never tire of people turning up for a chat, saying that pre arranging is also welcome - more so I can have a quick tidy!

Same as me.

I don’t like it and so wouldn’t do it but still popular among older generation of family.

Now we have mobiles it’s unnecessary IMO
to turn up without a message or phone call.

Nothing I hate more than someone turning up without letting me know. When I lived in flats I would pretend I wasn't home but being out in the country with a car in the drive is a dead giveaway, plus they can see all my lights on in the house.

Reading some of these posts in actual disbelief - some of you belong on your own on a dessert island 🤔

You need fxxk off electric gates.
There is a reason people park their cars at the back of their house near the back door.
Impossible to see if you are in or not from the road.
My friend put them in because she had so many family where she lived and it was doing her head in.
Best money she ever spent, even though it was money she could have used elsewhere.

This 🙌🏼

How is a text message saying "sorry, I'm busy" different to opening the door and saying "sorry, I'm busy"? All these people who are hurt by being told on the door step that the person is busy are surely going to be hurt by a text message.

I've wfh for many years. None one thinks it's fine to disturb me. Maybe those people are a bit ignorant?

No because they haven't travelled to get told no. If I text a friend and they say not today but okay on another date it wouldn't bother me.

Just ring or text, not just turn up.

It’s a cultural thing. I live in Scotland (half Scottish but grew up in England) and people do it all the time here. I hate it! My SILs turn up randomly all the time and it does my head in. They are very nice people but I want a text beforehand to ask if it’s ok - and I never get one. So often I’m either just about to go out or not prepared for visitors. Because I hate it, I never do it to others - except my aunt because she really likes getting random visitors! But up here, it’s totally normal.

I don't have family living nearby, but if I did, it wouldn't occur to any of us not to text or DM before calling round. In fact, the last time I called round on spec was some time in the 1980s, when I was a student and your best hope of contacting someone was via their pigeon-hole. It wasn't awkward, because hardly anyone had phones and we were used to it, but I wouldn't do it now. There's no reason to and with a mobile readily to hand it would be rude. I'd also object to it for myself as I'm frequently busy and can't just drop things at short notice.

Can't see anything wrong with just popping in. Why does everything have to be by appointment? You just amend what you are doing, thinking how nice someone has bothered to come and see us

Why do you assume anyone can amend what they are doing? I mean, if you have a small child in the bath, you can't really amend that.
Or you are WFH.
Why assume everyone is sat around doing sweet fuck all.

I like an unexpected visitor. My granny's house was always swarming with comfortably proportioned older ladies with their shopping bags, as she lived round the corner from the shops and the bus stop and random friends would call in unannounced all the time. The front room - the parlour - was always kept childfree and immaculately tidy for these ladies, unless they were of the inner circle of gran's friends and would happily join us in the middle room by the fire, give us all squidgy 'auntie' kisses and tell us not to worry we were all still in our nighties as it was the holidays, or whatever. My life is sadly not as full of wobbly older ladies (though I am one now myself) but I am always pleased to see unannounced visitors. I think it's lovely when people think enough of you to interrupt their day or their journey to call in. I keep downstairs tidy enough so if anyone calls in it's not a midden, and as I never wallow around in pyjamas I'm always decently dressed. Love a guest, especially if they bring cake.

Ah, but it's easier for the message giver. Just as people will say things on-line that they'd never say to someone's face.

I love visitors - but the only problem is that we may be out or busy?

Always happy for uninvited guests - just gutted if I can't hang around. Yesterday I was wrapping presents in the spare room and told DH and kids not to disturb me. Friends turned up and I came down to find them having nearly finished drinks and about to leave - so annoyed with DH and DCs for not telling me, but my fault for saying DND.....!

Ideally - some warning would be preferred. But I'd hate to think people couldn't just call in,,,,,,

So many people say " I don't mind an unexpected visitor as long as they don't mind that I look a mess, the house looks a mess" etc

I don't get that at all. For me I mind if someone comes and sees me in need of a shower, sees my house messy etc. I like to present myself and my home nicely and I would feel very uncomfortable if someone arrived when that wasn't the case.

Even a 10 minute warning to pick up a few bits, get properly dressed, clean the toilet or whatever needs doing is better than nothing.

I think people who turn up unannounced
(unless close family or friends of course) are thoughless at best.

Personally I would never turn up to someone's house unannounced as I would not like to make them uncomfortable. It's so easy to check beforehand with a quick text.

Yep! They might say they don't mind the mess etc. I DO!

Not for me. I have always hated unexpected visitors.

It's not difficult to send a quick text 'hi, are you free if I pop round later?"

Now that everyone has mobiles it is the respectful thing to do.

Well for a start, it’s not all about the person doing the “popping in”. It’s much easier to tell someone via text that you’re busy than it is to turn them away when they’re already there.

Also, it’s one thing being hurt that someone doesn’t want you to come around - it’s another actually being on the doorstep and sent away.

Just send the sodding text!!

This!

But what exactly is wrong with making advance arrangements? Is it somehow less fun to meet up with people if they don’t know you’re coming?

Not assuming anything of the kind but assume that not everyone sees themselves as centre of the universe. Very very few things you can't adapt move sideways etc.
Is it not called being hospitable? Life is not just about appointments

Niw someone here is talking sense