People turning up without warning- rude?

[notedbiscuits]

I find this behaviour rude and thoughtless. As the homeowners may have plans themselves or in the midst of a cooking marathon esp this time of the year.

Be nicer for them to message/call saying are you available to have a chat as in the area etc.

If you are one of those people who turn up at others without informing them first. Why do you do it?

Is it not called being hospitable? Life is not just about appointments

This doesn’t actually mean anything, does it?

It’s nothing to do with people thinking they’re the centre of the universe 🙄 it’s just about politeness. Why make someone change their plans when it takes seconds to check?

I think the person who sees themselves as the centre of the universe is the person who would call to someone's door unannounced.
They see themselves as so important that they expect the person to drop what they are doing to host them. They think it's OK to put another person in the uncomfortable position of hosting them when they are in the middle of cleaning, not properly dressed etc

It's easy and it's respectful to drop someone a quick text in advance of a visit. It's just common decency.

Luckily for me my friends also see themselves as the centre of the universe, so I guess we're all full of ourselves and our own self importance and we lack common decency and respect. It's a wonder I have any friends at all.

A friend who isn't dressed probably wouldn't answer the door, or might hang out of the window to say to give her a couple of mins. A friend who is in the middle of cleaning would answer and either tell me they're not free, or chuck me a cloth and say I'm welcome to chat if I help with the cleaning.

I've had friends knock while I'm cooking. If I feel like it I'll invite them in and they'll make tea while I cook and we'll have a chat.

Because when I'm in my house I may well not have plans. I'm certainly very busy, but if I'm home for a few hours just doing housework or gardening it's absolutely fine for a friend to knock on my door.

OK. I can't relate to this.
Of course I do send texts as well, but I feel perfectly confident in knocking on a friend or neighbour's door if I'm passing.
I might be coming back from a run (I don't carry my phone) and think "Oh I'll see if Anna's around and see if she wants to have lunch next week".
She would think I was a bit dotty if she had seen me running past, then went home and sent a text to ask if I could pop over. She'd wonder why I just didn't knock.

I get it though, people are very different. Anna would tell me if she was busy and I would accept that and not be hurt.

HRTFT but I'm glad I live somewhere where it's still okay to pop round unannounced. If you're busy, you don't ask the person in, if you're not then you do. Simple.

If a friend called to my door unexpectedly and I wasn't dressed/was cleaning etc I would let them in. I would be friendly, make tea, chat etc.
I would feel uncomfortable the whole time but my friend would not know. I would not tell them as I would not want to make them uncomfortable.

It is the easiest thing in the world to send a text in advance.

I had someone drop in today who sat for 2 hours. So I was 2 hours behind on everything I'd planned today. It's a pain in the arse (I've asked this person to text, but they've steadfastly refused to do so).

I do it because that is generally what people do here (not the UK) - thank goodness. If someone calls and I'm doing something I stop (any excuse!).

When I was a teen I would sometimes be out on a Sunday drive with my parents and they would call in to see friends who lived on a farm. They had several kids, and the house was usually a mess, but the welcome we got was wonderful, and that's something that has always stuck with me.

Frankly I think those of you who need warning that family or friends are calling in are weird and I wouldn't ever want to be part of your lives. You are not my people.

We're all different, that's what makes the world go round.

Perhaps someone who calls people weird because they are different to them is also the type of person who likes to turn up unannounced.

If someone called to my house without checking it suited I would also give them a warm welcome. But if I was not ready for guests I would feel uncomfortable the whole time.

Now that people have phones it's so easy to send a quick text to check it suits.

Because you like visitors turning up unannounced that does not mean other people like it too. And most people would be too polite to tell you not to do it.

Well said, @Dontgetinvolved

Just because they were polite doesn't mean they weren't inwardly seething.

What would have happened if you'd said "oh, I wish you'd called beforehand, I'm busy right now so can't invite you in"

Or said that you could only spare 15 mins?

Family and close friends, open door policy. I really can't imagine telling anyone I am too busy to see them, I appreciate visitors and know I am also welcome at their houses at any time.

Because people like a text beforehand it does not mean that visitors or unwelcome in their home.

It simply gives them a chance to organise their day, get dressed, quick tidy before visitors arrive.

I would hate to think my visit inconvenienced someone so I would always check bebeforehand. A quick text would literally take me 5 seconds.

But what if you are too busy to see them? Presumably like most of us you only have a finite amount of time in which to get things done?

If you're that incapable of taking different POVs on board, I doubt many of us are crying into our cornflakes that we're not your people, tbh.

You must be joking! It's apparently completely normal behaviour on MN

Just like talking to people on the phone, causes stress apparently.

Are you saying people don’t have time for friendship any longer? How sad.

Frankly I think those of you who need warning that family or friends are calling in are weird and I wouldn't ever want to be part of your lives. You are not my people.

Right back at ya!

For goodness' sake. Of course not. Simply that these days it's harder to find mutually convenient times to spend time with friends, so it's polite and considerate to do a bit of planning and communicating beforehand.

You keep asking this question, even though several posters have told you they would feel uncomfortable doing so once the person was actually there.

Of course we all have to take some responsibility of our own, and we do all have the right to say no to a caller at the door. But why always put the onus on the person you’re visiting? Why doesn’t the responsibility work both ways?

I'm not against spontaneous hospitality but that still means a quick text in advance on the day to check if they're actually around and free. Surely you can't just arrive at the actual doorstep with zero warning??? How would the element of surprise make the socialising better for anyone???

I wouldn't ever want to be part of your lives. You are not my people.

Not sure many will lose sleep over that.

If they are locals friends / family no harm done. As they can pop in for 30mins - 1 hour 100% fine. But if they travelled and they would expect to stay for hours or even a day I would be well annoyed.
I can sacrifice a few hours unplanned but anything more i would be unhappy with.

I say that as we have had people unwxpectantly turn up at our house feom out of town and over stayed bexuase they travelled and I was blooming miserable as we were going on holiday the next day and I have 2 small children! It really put me out and my house was hectic from packing.

But what if you ARE too busy at that moment?

For example today I don't have much to do. I have a bit of work to wrap up, I'm going for a run, I'm going to make some biscuits then I have a late Zoom meeting with Americans. If someone texted to say they're in my area today I'd be very happy to see them and would organise the time around those things. If they just rocked up on my doorstep they could well arrive when I'm working, mid-meeting, out on my run or in the shower post-run. A text just enables everyone to organise themselves so the socialising can actually happen.