To think she could have made an effort for 5 minutes?

[1Rainynights]

I'll start off by saying that I haven't said anything/told this person how I feel and I won't either, before anyone jumps on me. I just wanted to get other peoples opinions.

I'm making my rounds this week, dropping off presents to family and friends. The days running up to Christmas will be busy, the same for everyone I'm sure. I'm also working until Christmas Eve and wanted to get things done early rather than running around like a headless chicken the day before

I bought some presents for my friend's children and asked her last week if I could pop by on Thursday (yesterday) which she said yes to as she had no plans. I wanted to give plenty of notice as I know everyone is busy this time of year. I messaged her yesterday morning to check all was ok and she replied that she was having a lazy day with the kids and could I come on the weekend instead. I already have plans this weekend and wasn't sure if I'd have enough time (she lives an hour away). I mentioned this and just asked if I could leave them by the front door instead which she agreed to. She messaged me a couple of hours later saying thanks.

AIBU to think this is a bit, well, shit? I'm pretty sure they were sat in the living room when I dropped them off. I'm not sure I could just sit there and not even say hello if a friend was outside my house. I understand it was my choice to get them something, but if someone had made the effort for my kids, I'd certainly acknowledge/speak to them, even if it was just for 5 minutes. Being ill or having something crop up is of course different situation, but they were literally just sat on the couch watching a film by the looks of it...

Outrageous behaviour on her part. Why are you bothering with her?

Sounds like my weird sister in law - we all just ignore her rudeness after all these years. I took presents around and she waved at me from the front room but didn’t even get up off the sofa! Luckily my nieces and nephews are lovely and my brother is fine.

Rude and ungrateful!!

When you arrived, did you knock or ring the doorbell? That would have prompted some interaction and she may have invited you inside. It seems strange that you left presents on the doorstep without even a hello.

She was very rude op.

It does sound a bit shit tbh

I wonder if she will get you anything do you have kids she better say a big thank you once the gifts are opened or at least a proper acknowledgement

Yep, could be something as simple as her house is in a tip and wasn't happy to have her round with it in that state.

Does she normally get presents fir you and family? A lot more people are struggling this year and maybe she couldnt afford to buy presents and felt embarrassed about it. Maybe next year say i think everyones struggling so ive decided to just buy for immediate family if thats ok with you. Easy way out for her as well. Lots of people have had to cut back.

Your friend was extremely rude. I wouldn’t bother next year. Post a voucher or in fact nothing at all. That’s just plain discourteous and disrespectful.

If she was originally up for it but bailed in the morning I would guess that she’d realised when you messaged that she hadn’t bought anything for your DC and so thought it easier to bail. If she’d have come to the door she’d have been embarrassed by the fact you’d travelled and brought gifts and she’d got nothing. I think perhaps you’re overthinking it, but yes I too would have opened the door if someone had come to visit, however briefly.

Yeah really crap and rude of her to be honest, not sure I would bother next year.

I have read your posts OP.
You have said perhaps you won't buy next year or wait and see if she buys first.
Do you actually see this friend through the year?
Is it worth just letting go if not?

If you were going to be in the area, giving gifts to family, why was it such a big deal for you that it wasn’t convenient for her to see you? After all, you were expecting her to fall in with her plans as you would be in the vicinity, Fact is, everyone is busy these days and she probably didn’t want to see anyone that day! You need to grow a thicker skin and stop obsessing about things that just don’t matter that much. And remember that the term ‘friend’ is used quite loosely these days.

She values your gifts for her children but she certainly doesn't value your friendship. Traveling to drop them off is madness.

Do you think that maybe she was embarrassed as she hadnt reciprocated? Maybe she couldn’t afford to and just couldn’t face you.

I would think about who I bother to give presents to next year. I think your list probably needs cut way back.

I’ve just realised you drove two hours to drop the presents and she couldn’t even ask you in for a cup of tea? She is not a friend.

She wasn’t. Sorry to hear you went through it though

I think clearly there was a reason why she didn’t answer the door. I’m guessing something is going on for her and it isn’t personal to you at all.
today a friend dropped me off gifts for my kids too, after I texted everyone over a month ago to say we’re not doing gifts this year and explained my reasons. She called me when already on the way. I told her we’re sick and she has a 2 week old so she said she’d drop something off at the door. Then she said while still on the phone we’re here and come to the door- thus suddenly I was expecting to be ready for her whenever it suited her and be grateful for gifts I specifically said no thank you to. I was so stressed thinking I need to buy her kids stuff now but my partner told me no- if she felt the need to do this for herself knowing what I’ve asked and they disrespecting my boundaries in several ways then that’s up to her. It doesn’t mean I need to be doing the same. Now it doesn’t sit right with me and I’m stressed wondering what to be getting her kids at this ridiculous time. But the same advice from my very horizontally relaxed partner can be applied in this case. You decided to do this when it suited you because you wanted to gift them something, good for you. Doesn’t mean people have to disrespect their own needs/selves and boundaries just to be polite.
we all have different standstill for things, I certainly don’t want friends or otherwise at my house when it’s a mess and I’m not up for it mentally. Let alone when we’re all sick like today.

Your choice to buy gifts, your choice to hand deliver them, her choice to act rudely.

Make a better choice next year.

You do you

Honestly OP, when she said she just wanted to stay in and have a lazy day after having already committed to you coming to the house that day, why didn’t you then just say ‘okay, no problem, the presents will be at my house, you can collect whenever you are over my way’. I think the message was loud and clear OP. For whatever reason, she isn’t interested either in the friendship or exchanging presents anymore. I’ve suffered severe depression and mental health for many many years due to a very violent and traumatic childhood, but I’ve never treated a friend like that, ever. Basic politeness is the very least she could’ve afforded you. If her financial circumstances had changed and she can’t afford presents in return, then that’s all she needed to say. I would make it the last time I do anything like that for her again.

Absolute knobish and entitled behaviour from your friend who should become an ex-friend!

In that case she could have offered to meet her somewhere and hours drive plus the fuel money it costs and to be ignored like that? Sorry that's not a friend.

I don’t understand why you’d put in such effort for such a shit friend. How rude of her to not even say hello!!! If I were her I’d be too embarrassed to just sit there whilst a friend came all the way round and hour’s drive to drop off gifts for my kids and not even say thanks or hello in person!! She should have invited you in for at least a cup of tea and tell her kids to thank you in person! Unless there was some sort of family emergency which changes things but by the sounds of it there wasn’t. Your ‘friend’ is rude and has literally no manners. Next time don’t bother to make any effort for her and also I think she needs to apologise to you so avoid contacting her unless she has something apologetic to say! Honestly you sound too nice to be friends with this crappy person.