To think she could have made an effort for 5 minutes?

[1Rainynights]

I'll start off by saying that I haven't said anything/told this person how I feel and I won't either, before anyone jumps on me. I just wanted to get other peoples opinions.

I'm making my rounds this week, dropping off presents to family and friends. The days running up to Christmas will be busy, the same for everyone I'm sure. I'm also working until Christmas Eve and wanted to get things done early rather than running around like a headless chicken the day before

I bought some presents for my friend's children and asked her last week if I could pop by on Thursday (yesterday) which she said yes to as she had no plans. I wanted to give plenty of notice as I know everyone is busy this time of year. I messaged her yesterday morning to check all was ok and she replied that she was having a lazy day with the kids and could I come on the weekend instead. I already have plans this weekend and wasn't sure if I'd have enough time (she lives an hour away). I mentioned this and just asked if I could leave them by the front door instead which she agreed to. She messaged me a couple of hours later saying thanks.

AIBU to think this is a bit, well, shit? I'm pretty sure they were sat in the living room when I dropped them off. I'm not sure I could just sit there and not even say hello if a friend was outside my house. I understand it was my choice to get them something, but if someone had made the effort for my kids, I'd certainly acknowledge/speak to them, even if it was just for 5 minutes. Being ill or having something crop up is of course different situation, but they were literally just sat on the couch watching a film by the looks of it...

This. I'm sorry that happened.

I do the same as you as it gets overwhelming leaving it to the last minute. However I would maybe not make so much effort next time.

No I think YABU. Nothing annoys me more that having to ‘people’ on a day when I don’t want to see anyone. I am at my limit by this time of year, so much so that I wrap, buy and drop off all presents to friends and family before 10th december. I can’t cope with the socialising and rushing around after the 18th, between work and kids stuff I’m just burnt out. I would rather not receive the gifts!!

if you’re friend was having a chill day and relaxing with her kids, and was clearly setting a boundary, then you weren’t being mindful of her needs IMO. Not everyone copes well, or likes, this time of year for different reasons. I am definitely the friend in this situation!!

She doesn't sound like a friend to me.

Then don't agree for them to visit near Christmas.

Do you use stuff like this as an excuse to drop in on people for a couple of hours? That’s how I’d read it.

YANBU OP. At least she said "thanks". It sounds like a rather one-sided friendship to me and I don't think that I would try this again next year.

Even so it was bad of her not to make the effort. Does she bother coming with presents for you? If not, I’d be rethinking santas good or bad list for next year.

If someone lets you know they’re dropping something round the least they can do is get dressed when you arrive and offer you a drink and biscuit. She’s not your friend and is rude.

Of course she was rude - but this is MN, where it's apparently okay to ignore your friends and answer the door, even though you've pre-arranged a visit!

Yes, refusing to even speak to someone who driven an hour to get there is shocking behaviour. That said she effectively cancelled the plans so it may of been wiser to not go. If the kids got their presents late that wouldn’t have been you fault.

I think I’ve swayed the other way since this morning tbh

If someone had gone to the effort to bring gifts for my children and I was literally sitting there with my children, it would be really hard to just sit there.. unless it was a clingy person I didn’t want to encourage.

Decent people don't treat friends like this. To let you drive an hour there and not even invite you in for a quick cuppa? Wow....

I would not be contact this friend again and let her do the running in future - if she doesn't you know where you stand, she's telling you she really isn't that bothered about seeing you.

Did she get your ds anything?

@1Rainynights hmm I think you might have crossed wires, even if she was in the living room she may not have spotted you if watching TV, or might have expected you to ring the doorbell if she actually was up for a quick chat and then was mystified when you literally dropped the presents off silently?

I'd have considering punting them through her fecking window

If its any consolation:

My elderly mother, cancelled twice on me recently, and today called to my door unexpectedly, with a Christmas bag with chocs, biscuits and wine in it. She promptly told me, she wasn't coming in, someone had given her that gift, and she came straight over (en route to her home) and gave it to me. My teenagers weren't in, no need for a long visit, if they had been she would have presented the chocs and biscuits to them.

I offered her tea and she came in and had a cup, then left again.

She was busy as she was babysitting for my sister this evening, and spending the day with my brother and his boys tomorrow (as his wife is working). Sunday she will be shopping.

So I got pencilled in for a drop off, of a re-gift.

She is a Christmas avoider. She masks for other people but not for me. She likes to be needed, hence the upcoming babysitting. She likes to present well in front of certain audiences. (I don't need her it seems, hyper independent like her, so I get the doorstep re-gift, primarily for my kids). She doesn't mask in front of me, however in a group situation she does.

I think she is neuro diverse.

It was rude. As you say, unless there was illness or something had popped up suddenly, to allow someone to drive over to drop off gifts and not even invite them in for a quick tea is poor form.

You asked could you quickly drop the presents off. You did that. What’s the problem?

It sounds like you want to create a drama.

Why? She’d made it clear she didn’t want visitors.

You didn’t knock?

Are you sure she must have seen you? We have delivery drivers up and down our path all day (at least it seems that way!) at this time of year. Unless I was looking directly out of the window at the time I probably wouldn’t have realised it was someone I actually knew. I pretty much ignore a shadow walking up the path until there is a ring at the door as assume it’s someone dropping off a parcel.

I mean, I think she was a bit rude to cancel on you on the day, especially given how far away you live, but you may be reading more into this than is the case.

Decent people don't treat friends like this. To let you drive an hour there and not even invite you in for a quick cuppa? Wow....

Seriously? She’d made it really clear that she didn’t want visitors. Why should she overhaul things just because OP wanted “a cuppa”?

Exactly. As an introvert, if I was ill, I would definitely not be wanting to make people cups of tea. Sometimes you just want to quietly fester, oops chill, at home.

She is being a bit unreasonable yes. Although I get a bit funny at lots people wanting to ‘pop in’. No, it’s 3 days before Xmas, I need to clean, hoover and run errands. I don’t have time to sit all morning. I find being introverted I need days without seeing people. I wouldn’t expect someone to drive an hour and leave on step though.
Maybe only buy presents that you can post - light toys, clothes, books!

And she'd have known this presumably. Drop like a hot potato OP.

Mothers- if you are close- are different. Imo anyway.
If I was lucky enough to have my mother live nearby such that she could pop in, she could pop by any time. And if I couldn't make time, I'd still let her in and then tell her I was busy.

Looks like she was embarrassed as she hasn’t bought you anything so is staying away,
I wouldn’t bother again,
buy yourself something instead x not worth the hassle x