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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I’ve lost 4 stone and not one person has noticed

352 replies

Lilyflame · 20/12/2024 08:34

Just that really
aibu to feel a bit miffed.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/12/2024 08:35

It’s not really polite to bring up someone’s weight. They may worry that it’s because you’re ill/depressed.

congratulations. It’s a great achievement. Have you bought yourself some lovely new clothes?

AnImaginaryCat · 20/12/2024 08:37

Do you think this because no one has commented?

It's not the same thing. I'd say people have noticed just don't want to comment on a person's weight.

JengaCupboard · 20/12/2024 08:37

Don't worry; I'm sure they have. However it can be awkward (and maybe considered rude!) to say essentially 'wow, you're not as fat as you were'.. or you could have lost weight through illness or some other negative... I think people are a bit wary of offending, which I see to a point. Well done on your weight loss!

WaitingforStrike · 20/12/2024 08:37

I wouldn't comment either - people can lose weight through illness and stress too so I wouldn't necessarily assume it was a good thing. If you mentioned diet or exercise I would then feel free to say you were looking good!
but also people just aren't that observant.
Well done - 4 stone is a lot!!

AnImaginaryCat · 20/12/2024 08:37

Well done by the way!! It's a great achievement.

Lentilweaver · 20/12/2024 08:38

I never comment on peoples weight. They get angry sometimes because they are on Ozempic or depressed or ill.
I am not chancing it.

OrigamiOwls · 20/12/2024 08:39

Well done on your weight loss!
Like others I wouldn't comment (unless you brought it up first) for risk of offending.

Ihavearedbag · 20/12/2024 08:39

another mum at the school gate lost loads of weight and I didn’t bring it up because I was worried she was ill! Eventually I found out she wasn’t (at a Christmas do when she told me about her diet) and I told her she looked great. But people are cautious about mentioning it particularly if you lost it fast

Parky04 · 20/12/2024 08:39

I never mention anyone's weight loss/gain. I did it once, and the reason why they lost weight was because they had Chohn's disease, and they got upset.

InThePassengerSeat · 20/12/2024 08:39

I never comment on someone's body size/shape, even when it's obvious.

Well done on your progress, it's a huge achievement and you should be really proud of yourself.

MrBiscuits24 · 20/12/2024 08:40

‘you’ve put on weight’ is very rude.

‘you’ve lost weight’ is a compliment. But it shouldn’t be.

I think it’s a good thing no one has commented on your body, it’s none of their business.

TiramisuCheesecake · 20/12/2024 08:40

People will have noticed. I lost half of what you lost and people noticed. But it's a bit of a taboo subject. People know it's really not OK to talk about weight gain/loss in a way it was 20 or 30 years ago, so they will have noticed for sure but just haven't commented.

Pottedpalm · 20/12/2024 08:41

Are your friends overweight? Sometimes people can be jealous and either ignore your weight loss os say you looked ‘better’ before.

RosesAndHellebores · 20/12/2024 08:42

This time a year ago, @Lilyflame, I had lost 2.5st. Nobody mentioned it. O lying now, a year on, are people starting to.

Well done. I bet you feel fab.

Floranan · 20/12/2024 08:42

I never mention people’s weight, is they’ve put on, well you just don’t ! And if they’ve lost it could be for so many reasons but also is a way of saying you were fat but now you’re not 😂.

if the person looks well and happy I’m more likely to say ‘ you look soo well, I love your dress/hair/?

Crojo · 20/12/2024 08:43

I wouldn't mention weight loss to anyone unless it was someone I knew was trying to lose weight. As others have said, you don't know if it's intentional or due to illness or stress etc.

dillonbarks · 20/12/2024 08:43

aibu to feel a bit miffed.

Yes. Presumably you didn't lose the weight for other people and/or their comments.

Onlyvisiting · 20/12/2024 08:45

Well done!
I wouldn't comment because I despise people mentioning my weight, it's basically them saying 'gosh, you aren't quite as fat as you were are you? I totally noticed how ugly and fat you looked before and judged you. But well done you on being less fat and ugly now' 👏

But also I probably wouldn't even notice as I don't notice people's looks or body especially. I also wouldn't notice if you had a hair cut or where wearing glasses. I'm not very observant as its not something im focusing on unless I think about it.

And depending how much overweight you were then it might not be that obvious, I could lose several stone and not look much different.

ChickenNuggetFromSpencies · 20/12/2024 08:45

Yeah. As others said. They noticed but can't say anything. Bit annoying in some way, so get you. Luckily people around me know me so when I lost they comment. Oddly it helped a bit? Like you are not losing weight for them, but it's a hard work so it's in some way nice to hear if that makes sense

LadyDancelot · 20/12/2024 08:46

Of course no one has mentioned it - if a friend told me she’d lost four stone I’d pretend I hadn’t noticed she was overweight in the first place. I would however show some interest in what she’d done/changed as in my experience that level of weight loss requires immense discipline and focus.

ueberlin2030 · 20/12/2024 08:46

Lilyflame · 20/12/2024 08:34

Just that really
aibu to feel a bit miffed.

What do you expect them to say, bearing in mind that it's considered rude to comment on folk's weight?
Out of interest, how did you lose the weight?

FestiveFruitloop · 20/12/2024 08:47

Well done, 4st is awesome. Haven't RTFT but just wanted to say, not everyone does comment on a person's weight loss. I don't myself unless the person brings it up first. Partly because I feel a person is more than their body size and shape, partly because I always worry that commenting carries a subtext of having noticed the person was fat before, IYKWIM, besides which people don't need my opinion on their body.

I totally get that it's disappointing after all your hard work, but I think most people will have noticed even if they haven't commented. Don't let it mar your pleasure in your achievement!

Lentilweaver · 20/12/2024 08:47

Onlyvisiting · 20/12/2024 08:45

Well done!
I wouldn't comment because I despise people mentioning my weight, it's basically them saying 'gosh, you aren't quite as fat as you were are you? I totally noticed how ugly and fat you looked before and judged you. But well done you on being less fat and ugly now' 👏

But also I probably wouldn't even notice as I don't notice people's looks or body especially. I also wouldn't notice if you had a hair cut or where wearing glasses. I'm not very observant as its not something im focusing on unless I think about it.

And depending how much overweight you were then it might not be that obvious, I could lose several stone and not look much different.

Well, this makes me even more determined never to comment. I can't win.

Chasingsquirrels · 20/12/2024 08:47

To be honest, I don't notice other people's weight movements really.

And when I lost weight myself I wasn't bothered other people's comments about it, I was losing weight because I wanted to, for me.

Shadow1986 · 20/12/2024 08:47

I once commented on someone losing weight, she looked great so wanted to let her know but I worried for ages after that she would have taken it wrong and might have thought id been suggesting she was fat before. Commenting on weight is dodgy category. I would talk openly to people about how hard you’re trying to lose weight and it’ll open the door for conversation and I expect then you’ll start getting some comments. Either way it’s a huge achievement and you should be very proud of yourself!

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