I’ve lost 4 stone and not one person has noticed

[Lilyflame]

Just that really
aibu to feel a bit miffed.

My friend has recently lost 4 stone, due to having a severe eating disorder. Everyone has been commenting on it and telling her how great she looks now, which has been fuelling it and driving her to lose more because in her mind everyone must have thought she was fat before (she wasn't). I would never comment on someones weight loss because it may not be intentional or healthy

I met a colleague I hadn't seen for several months. She had lost so much weight I thought she had cancer or other disease. So I didn't say anything.
Turns outvshe had a gastric band.
Similarly, I've congratulated someone on her pregnancy. Won't ever do that again!

I have a friend who has lost weight because she was prediabetic. She has introduced regular exercise and changed her diet and habits. She borrowed a recipe book from another friend whilst I was there so I knew it was a conscious lifestyle change. She has lost nearly 2 stone so far. She looks great and I told her so. But only because I knew her story. If I hadn't I wouldn't have said anything.

I do not really notice someones size unless they are extremely thin or obese. I just look at the persons face when I can. I never even notice what they are wearing most the time unless they are dressed up

Congratulations on your perseverance and determination! I hope you’ve treated yourself to some fabulous new clothes for Christmas.

I tend to worry if I see people losing weight, in case they’re ill. Saying “You look wonderful” would be awful if they were actually fading away. So I understand why people are a bit cautious, to avoiding offending.

I would never comment on anyone's weight. I think it's very rude to say anything. Even if someone has lost weight it often sounds like it's something you've been looking at and judging them on. Tbh I don't really study people that hard anyway. I think you can tell when someone feels good about themselves be it that theyve lost weight or had their hair done. Instead I tell people they look great.

Well done you, that’s awesome! Ultimately you should be losing it for you though. Others have noticed, maybe they just don’t feel comfortable mentioning it.

I had cancer a few years ago (I'm all clear now) and as a result of anxiety and appetite loss I lost quite a lot of weight. It was weight I needed to lose and it was the only silver lining of an awful situation, I bought new clothes and have managed to keep it off through hard work and will power. However not one person mentioned it, I presume because it was clearly weight lost because of a horrible situation. Which I understand but I still remember wishing people would notice and comment! I was conscious that people must be noticing and choosing not to say. As a result I think in future I would try to acknowledge it but not necessarily frame it as a compliment, maybe more of an enquiry e.g "looks like you've lost some weight - how are you feeling about it?" Or something.

Oh I'm sure they've noticed! They probably just don't know how to compliment the new slimmer you, without offending the old 4-stone heavier version of you!

Congratulations by the way! Hope u feel healthier

Have you ever told them you are aiming to lose weight?

That's the only time I'd comment. If I already knew the person had that aim.

One of the things I have learnt on Mumsnet is that a lot of people who are trying to lose quite a bit of weight find it really intrusive and patronising when people comment in any way.

I love it when people say "You've lost weight!" but this discovery made me think I had been naive in my assumptions about what other people might like to hear.

Previously, I would have been a bit cautious about commenting, for all the reasons that previous posters have mentioned, but thanks to what I learned via MN I decided to err much further on the side of caution and never to make any potentially intrusive comments of this sort again.

Well done! My friend was always losing weight, but she was quite big so her losing a stone and a half wasn't noticeable. I never judged her whatever she looked like, she is just my friend. She is now on Wegovy because she has cancer and needs to lose weight so she can move about more. She has been on it 2 years and I can only now see the effects

I would never comment on someone else's weight. Even just saying "you look great" implies that you didn't look great before, and that the way you look is important to me, neither of which are true.

But if you raised it with me I would certainly tell you how impressed I am with such a huge commitment/achievement (which I've never managed myself!) and I would ask you if you've noticed a difference in your health.

Are you pleased with your own progress, and do you feel better for it?

Unless you have mentioned you were actively trying to lose weight then they might think you are ill.
Don't want to tell someone they have done really well with their weight loss only to find out it's cancer / crohns / they're in denial about getting checked out.
Although, I would hope that close family would mention it.

Also, everyone gets so offended these days over anything, people may e reluctant to say anything for fear of HR

4 stone is brilliant. You're a star!!

Do you look different?
Have you bought new clothes? It's often easier for people to comment on clothing or hair than weight.

My DH lost loads and people mentioned it to me but no one said anything to him. I think people just don’t know if it’s ok to say anything these days. Well done though smashing achievement

Congratulations that is a lot of weight to lose it isn't easy. I had lost 3 stone a number of years ago and tbh some of the comments weren't great that I would have preferred people had said nothing. Things like oh you look too thin, oh if you keep losing you will disappear, you look ill and so on.

As long as you are happy and feel healthy that's the main thing

I have recently lost just under 6 stone and it's only the last couple of stone people have started to say anything. Up to 4 stone and no one said a word.
Now I can't shut people up it's doing my head it.

That's amazing well done!

Personally I wouldn't comment o would wait for you to mention your weight and then say how I did notice etc

As PP have said, people will have noticed but not said anything so as not to upset you. Well done BTW. Do you feel better for it? I have lost a stone and a half since September and certainly do.

Congrats and well done 👏

It depends how much you weighed to start with. It will take longer for people to notice if you are bigger but maybe some people have learnt not to comment on others bodies.

I have recently lost 5 stone, very few comments, which I am glad about. I don't want a fuss or to be told I was really fat before. Only comments have been from people who know me really well and know it's intentional.