I’ve lost 4 stone and not one person has noticed

[Lilyflame]

Just that really
aibu to feel a bit miffed.

The point is don't assume everyone loves a compliment and people have many varied reasons why they might not mention weightloss or any appearance compliment. It's not my 'fault' either, somethings just are.

Life is too short for all this overthinking.
Complimenting someone is not showing off.

Well done, and for doing it slowly, which is healthy.
What is your target?
If people are seeing you in clothes they recognise, they may not notice so readily.

My reply wasn't to you, but to the person saying she will never compliment someone on their hair again. It's a very extreme reaction and will be an overall negative.

Congratulations. From experience, I know how tough that probably was for you. I bet you feel amazing. Well done you 👏👏🎉🌹

I may notice if it there was a big difference but would never comment, no more than I would if they had gained weight. It matters not one bit to me how fat or not someone else looks and as others have mentioned, it’s not always a positive to lose weight.

I know larger people who yo-yo. Some people coo over them when they lose but those same people will also notice when they put it back on again even if they don’t say it.

Do it for yourself, not for other people

I don't mention weight, but will tell friends I think they are looking lovely or fabulous or whatever, which gives them the option to just say, 'Gee thanks, Piggly' and leave it at that or 'Glad you noticed! I've been on a kumquat and boiled potato water diet for weeks.'

As an enormous person with no will-power I am always in awe of my friends' self improvement efforts and always acknowledge them.

I would say "You look fantastic!" but not "You've lost weight!" unless I knew them very well and knew they had been trying to.

I was being sarcastic! Was that not apparent?
Luckily my friends are not that touchy.

I don't have time to pussyfoot around wondering what will offend people. I won't ,mention weight- once bitten etc etc- but I will continue to compliment people on their hair or shoes or jewellery.

As someone who lost 7st and put it all back on, I can assure you that all the praise for losing only serves to fuel your worthlessness and shame when you gain it back. I'm not saying you will, and I really hope this is permanent for you if you're happy.

I genuinely think people are a little more careful now with weight based compliments so it may not be that it is not noticed.

Well done, I know how hard it is

I completely get where you are coming from happened to me too. But if you are still wearing the same style of clothing it sometimes disguises you a little so they wouldn't necessarily see - it was only when I got myself a few clothes that were more form fitting that people noticed mine

Brilliant effort, well done you.

I wonder if people may think you're doing weight loss injections and that is one of the factors for not mentioning it, plus there is a natural reluctance to mention weight loss and appearance for many good reasons.

Most people shy away from mentioning someone else's weight. If they say 'Oh, you've lost a lot of weight' they might feel they were saying you were large to begin with.

I said if they compliment themselves it is showing off, there are people who announce how fabulous they look, how much they love their new hair ..etc and in this case it's very safe to assume they would be happy to receive compliments.

It's a thread on why nobody noticed a weightloss, a conversation on compliments and I gave my perspective.

I bet they have but it's not polite to raise people's weight in 2024!!

I would never comment on weight loss. It's like saying they needed to, or they might be unwell or something. It's a personal remark, so best avoided. I hate people commenting. Im overweight too. Well done though!

The bigger you are, the longer it takes people to notice, but I agree that 20 stone to 16 should be easily visible by now. I have lost three stone in a year (gone from just over 13 to almost 10, but was previously 14 stone at my biggest, 3 years ago. Very, very few people have commented.

I think there is are several reasons for this:

The people who think Wegovy is cheating. They don't want to congratulate you on a race that you won by unfair advantage.

The people who assume (probably correctly) that you are on Wegovy and they don't want to embarrass you by asking how you did it, in case you feel the need to lie.

They are still big and they are so envious they can't stand it. They see anyone achieving weight loss as a direct judgement on them.

They are big and are loud and proud about 'body confidence'. They see telling someone 'well done, you look great' is traitorous to those who claim to be proud and happy being obese, with no intention of changing.

There are those who think you should never comment on anyone's weight ever, regardless of whether it's because they've gained it or lost it. Either because of manners, or political correctness or not knowing the reason why someone may have lost weight, it may not be the welcome thing we all assume and they could be ill. I have some respect for this, as much as I love being told I look great. But I know I look great, and I know they know, so I don't really need to be told it. Knowing is enough.

We went for lunch with some friends we've not seen for a year recently. The wife said 'wow look at you! You look amazing! How much have to lost?' as soon as I took my coat off.

Her DH said nothing. She said 'Look! She's lost three stone!' He just grunted, pulled a face and looked uncomfortable as if she shouldn't be mentioning it.

People you see all the time won't notice so much as it happens gradually.

They may also not want to comment unless you bring it up.

It's a huge achievement but like you say you still have a way to go until you're a healthy weight, so it won't be as noticeable as say, someone who was 13/14 stone to begin with.

External validation is nice but try to find it within yourself.

People shouldn’t say things like, ‘you look so much better now’ or crass stuff like that, but personally if someone notices I’ve lost weight I love it.

It depends on your shape and style of clothes whether or not it’s that noticeable. I met up with a relative I don’t see often and she said she’d lost nearly 4 stone and I honestly hadn’t noticed but obviously made all the right noises.

I wasn't sure to be honest. I've seen so many posters on here turning over backward to please people that I thought you might be serious.

With all due respect to those who are suffering, we cannot and should not all behave as if everyone we meet is mentally ill.

Well done op. That’s a huge achievement.

are you wearing the same clothes, or similar? Baggy stretchy type stuff. I find that can often hide a lot.

I’ve lost two stone, going from 15 to 13 and everyone and their dog comments, but it’s very noticeable and I dress differently. It’s noticeable as my stomach has shrunk significantly and my face looks much slimmer.

a lot of people on here don’t comment when freinds or family lose weight, but in my circle we do, and pass a comment and compliment.

some folks have some signficant issues, they don’t like their aappearance to be commented on, so don’t comment on others, or feel they are being judged or something if someone says they look great, but in my circle we know when someone has been unhappy with their weight, so we all compliment.

If you haven’t mentioned your weight loss journey at all then it is entirely predictable that no one else has mentioned your weight. I would never comment on someone’s weight unless they had made it clear that they were trying to lose weight and open to comment - otherwise I would consider it rude to mention it. I don’t like people commenting on my weight, even if they think it is a compliment (I’ve been up and down the stones too times to remember - I know people notice but…please don’t mention it when I don’t!).

People should be cautious with weight and appearance compliments, not everyone appreciates them, mental illness or not.

Remind yourself why you wanted to lose weight in the first place?? to look better? to be more healthy? to have more energy? You have lost 20% of your body weight that is absolutely massive. You look fabulous strut down the street with your head up and your shoulders back.