Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do you think of a proposal with no ring?

197 replies

Brainded · 20/12/2024 06:29

Just this really. Wanting to get opinions. What would you think of a proposal with knowing and in fact nothing special going, just the question “will you marry me?”

I don’t want this to turn into a debate about weather proposal is the right way to go. I just want to know how you would feel if you were proposed to with not even a dummy ring. Would it bother you?
so
YABU- it would bother you
YANBU- it wouldn’t bother you

OP posts:
Wolframandhart · 20/12/2024 06:34

There are a lot more questions here. Was it said just to shut the other person up about marriage? Is a ring coming this weekend picked together? Have there been examples of pie crust promises in the past? Has a wedding date been set?

LivingOnTheVeg · 20/12/2024 06:36

I think it’s nice picking out the ring together afterwards, and then you know you’ll love it. I don’t see the point in a dummy ring at all. Presumably you wouldn’t wear it after you got your ‘real’ one so it’s a bit of a waste, IMO.

CheshireCats · 20/12/2024 06:36

I think it's absolutely fine if the plan is for you to go together and choose a ring. No dummy ring necessary.

Nc546888 · 20/12/2024 06:37

I’d want a ring or a dummy ring

CookieMonster28 · 20/12/2024 06:38

DH proposed with a haribo ring then we went ring shopping together. If he'd proposed with no 'ring' and suggested ring shopping together after that would have been lovely too...personally would want an engagement ring eventually but not necessarily needed for the proposal!

Wolframandhart · 20/12/2024 06:40

Op hasn't said there is a ring coning. Just that there was no ring, and nothing special. It sounds more like no thought or effort, rather then ‘lets pick a ring together.’

SometimesCalmPerson · 20/12/2024 06:40

I’d say no without the ring.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 20/12/2024 06:40

My dh proposed without a ring. We went shopping for one together. It didn't make me any less happy. Been married 27 years.

There is way too much emphasis these days on things being done for show rather than as a result of deep feelings.
I don't like it.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 20/12/2024 06:41

What matters is the marriage rather than all the show.

dragonfliesandbees · 20/12/2024 06:42

"What would you think of a proposal with knowing and in fact nothing special going..."

I'm not sure what this means.

gannett · 20/12/2024 06:42

Isn't the only relevant question what you think, not what anyone else thinks? Everyone will have individual preferences.

I don't wear rings (find them uncomfortable) so I don't want to be given a ring. I don't want to be proposed to either though, because I don't want to get married. If DP and I end up deciding to get married for whatever admin reason means it's easier, it'll be the result of a low-key conversation. If he tried to do a special romantic proposal I think I'd be horrified and dump him on the spot.

TeenToTwenties · 20/12/2024 06:43

I was very happy with a proposal with no ring, I wanted to choose together. Happily married 25+ years.

Jellycatspyjamas · 20/12/2024 06:43

I think someone being in the moment and proposing can be lovely, someone proposing to appease the other is rubbish. It depends which you think was going on here.

Original poster
Brainded · 20/12/2024 06:44

dragonfliesandbees · 20/12/2024 06:42

"What would you think of a proposal with knowing and in fact nothing special going..."

I'm not sure what this means.

What would you think of a proposal with no ring and in fact nothing special going on…no down on one knee, no little speech etc just “so will you marry me?”

OP posts:
ThatCoralMaker · 20/12/2024 06:44

DH proposed without a ring, in quite a casual conversation. I wasn’t bothered at all, he then asked again in the jewellers when we bought it.

MintSpiesAtTheReddy · 20/12/2024 06:45

For me the ring is such a trivial detail it's not even worth considering.

The point is to ask if the other person will spend their rest of their life by your side. Loving you. Caring for you. Being happy that you love and care for them. It's a serious question that deserves to be taken on its own merit.

Any ring can come later - or not at all, depending on preference.

Wallywobbles · 20/12/2024 06:46

DH2. We just discussed getting married. I said I'll use my grandmothers engagement ring. It will be nice to have a reason to wear it more. DH was sitting in the bath. I went and got the ring and put it on.

He proposed a few weeks later when we were in a romantic place. I was already wearing the ring.

Twas all good.

DH1 lots of angst and emotional blackmail from him. He proposed when I was sitting at the kitchen table in my dressing gown. Bit shit. It went downhill from there.

KimberleyClark · 20/12/2024 06:47

Bigearringsbigsmile · 20/12/2024 06:40

My dh proposed without a ring. We went shopping for one together. It didn't make me any less happy. Been married 27 years.

There is way too much emphasis these days on things being done for show rather than as a result of deep feelings.
I don't like it.

This. We’d been vaguely discussing it and he just asked. We looked for a ring later. Married 34 years. I wouldn’t have wanted a big staged proposal anyway.

MintSpiesAtTheReddy · 20/12/2024 06:48

What would you think of a proposal with no ring and in fact nothing special going on…no down on one knee, no little speech etc just “so will you marry me?”

My thoughts about one knee are the same as the ring. I don't need the fairy tale bs and honestly think it is a distraction from the seriousness of the commitment being asked for.

Not that I begrudge anyone doing that. It's just you keep asking we what think of things that - to me - have so little value when compared to the value of a long and happy life together as a team.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 20/12/2024 06:48

Brainded · 20/12/2024 06:44

What would you think of a proposal with no ring and in fact nothing special going on…no down on one knee, no little speech etc just “so will you marry me?”

Show quote history

If i loved the person and wanted to marry them, I'd be delighted

DeffoNeedANameChange · 20/12/2024 06:49

It depends. A ring is of absolutely no importance to me (and I also don't like the idea of a big shoe-stopper proposal). BUT if it was a case that the lack of ring/proposal was indicative of my partner's lack of enthuisasm/commitment for the actual marriage, then I'd feel differently.

So basically, none of the bells or whistles are at all important, so long as you are secure in the knowledge that both you and the marriage are deeply important to your partner.

JumpstartMondays · 20/12/2024 06:49

Brainded · 20/12/2024 06:44

What would you think of a proposal with no ring and in fact nothing special going on…no down on one knee, no little speech etc just “so will you marry me?”

Show quote history

Why not even down on one knee?

BendingSpoons · 20/12/2024 06:50

DH proposed with a bracelet he had chosen and we chose the ring together, which was perfect. It was also at a meaningful place to us. However I personally would find a spontaneous proposal a bit odd, in a 'are you sure?' kind of way. It wouldn't be the lack of ring though.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 20/12/2024 06:51

My proposal wasn't any less special because there wasn't a ring and he didn't go down on one knee and he didn't give a speech.
I remember every detail of thst day. It was so special.
It's not the instagram bits that mKe things special.

SoManyTshirts · 20/12/2024 06:52

I prefer it. We bought the ring together within days.
Another DH bought the ring beforehand and I hated it.