What do you think of a proposal with no ring?

[Brainded]

Just this really. Wanting to get opinions. What would you think of a proposal with knowing and in fact nothing special going, just the question “will you marry me?”

I don’t want this to turn into a debate about weather proposal is the right way to go. I just want to know how you would feel if you were proposed to with not even a dummy ring. Would it bother you?
so
YABU- it would bother you
YANBU- it wouldn’t bother you

We discussed getting married. There was no proposal as such.

I don’t wear jewellery at all so no engagement ring and no wedding ring.

I can see how it would be disappointing though it you wanted a big, romantic gesture and a ring.

I agree.
I'm so glad dh hadn't got the ring.
God knows what he would have chosen, bless him.
It's a lovely memory I have of going shopping for the ring.

I had a proposal with no ring.
Happy with that. Wasn't particularly bothered about a ring. Both of us got wedding rings.

If you’re not together anymore presumably your marriage had bigger issues? I’d let this go.

Even so I can't see that ruminating over a single point is helping you.

I don’t have even an engagement ring , I’m not a ring person so to me the rings are materials/ something commercial to follow the traditions. Not something that is needed to get married.

Your proposal was as lacklustre as the rest of your marriage. If he had done the whole show it wouldn't have made him essentially a different person so why are you thinking about it now? FWIW I've been married twice and neither was the one knee ring type man. Neither 'proposed'. One marriage was bad, one was amazing. The way you decide you get married has no bearing on the quality of the marriage.

I preferred it - neither of us had any clue what kind of ring I’d like (literally first piece of jewellery I’d worn apart from a Casio watch ) so it was fun going out shopping together to chose one I liked together.

moonlit proposal on the beach was pretty romantic - the ring later on was the icing on the cake!

Yeah I suppose it did in a sense. I have let it go really, it’s just sometimes especially around this time of year I ruminate on things and that’s ok. I was just looking for opinions as such. Sometimes my thinking can be skewed I suppose. Thanks

My now husband and I talked about marriage and he asked me to pick out several rings that I liked. He chose one of the rings, I liked (I had no idea which one) and then proposed several weeks later (I didn't know when). It meant I had a ring I actually liked and he proposed with my forever ring. I don't think there is a right or wrong way. I believe my Dad proposed without a ring, and then he and my Mum went ring shopping.

Sorry it wasn’t the proposal or marriage you wanted op. When life pitches below our expectations it can be painfully disappointing, buy at other times things turn out so far above what we hoped for and that is truly magical. I hope you find so much happiness in the future.

I'd prefer a proposal without a ring, and to go together to choose one shortly afterwards.

Really don't understand why this would bother you when the relationship ended anyway? I didn't get a proposal, it was something DH and I mutually agreed was the right next step, we then went and bought a ring together, and got married later that year without too much pomp and ceremony. It's a pretty good reflection of the respectful partnership we have tbh especially now as parents, he's not a big romantic gesture kind of guy, but he's a very thoughtful partner in other ways and I wouldn't change him for the world. 20 years in now.

A proposal doesn't have to be flashy to be special. But I stand by a proposal should be special and, ideally should be a one time event, just like a marriage. It's the front door to marriage.

Saying no to a proposal leads me to wonder - how did your partner get it so wrong to propose in the first place? I doubt anyone would propose expecting their partner to say no, so a proposal shouldn't be a surprise in the sense that it's what you both want, in your case it wasn't what you both wanted, and that should have been communicated to him much earlier than at the point of proposal imo.

Maybe he doesn't need outward signs of "ownership"?

It’s okay to reflect on things @reujkd

Not RTFT but that sounds more like a conversation to test the waters. If you want to get married, get yourselves to a jewellers and set a date.

@Brainded I guess but I just don't understand why it would bother you now you're not married? I'm sure there must be loads of things from a relationship that ended that annoy you now? Did you get remarried?

We didn't have a proposal. We had a sensible conversation about where the relationship was going. Followed by a phone call to the registry office.
We did have a nice trip to Hatton Gardens to pick out wedding rings but, as for an engagement ring. I dunno, it feels a bit "extra" to have a special ring for the idea that you plan to get married at some point in the future.
It's a awkward add on to the main event. Like Christmas eve boxes.
Maybe it's different if you really like jewellery. Or if both of you are rich.

I hear you OP. I think many of us like the romance of a special proposal. I didn't have it either

But, I don't think a romantic proposal is any guarantee of happiness, or a sign of how well suited you are

In your case, I wonder if you feel the lack of proposal was a red flag that you should have spotted. I don't think that's the case

My dh proposed to me in Antigua. He didn’t have a ring as he wanted me to choose it. We bought it there, so it didn’t bother me.

It’s how DH proposed (though he did give me necklace). We chose the rings together - he has one too.

20 years of marriage still very happy.

I think it’s much better to propose without a ring, just in case the person has always had a dream of what the ring would be like and hints can be misinterpreted (better, I think, to go shopping together afterwards)

Similar for the rest of the nature of the proposal itself - if someone has a dream of what it’ll be like, it’s all too easy to fall short.

Many many successful marriages follow from non-romantic proposals.

(I suspect SM is partly responsible for the current fashion of big splashy proposals, as it’s a factor in why a private event is now likely to be published)

My husband proposed without a ring and it was magical. He did go down on one knee. We bought a silver/CZ placeholder ring a few days later as we were travelling, then a "proper" ring a few months later. We've been married 10 years now.

It's only an issue if it matters to you. My DH proposed without a ring. I don't wear them anyway and don't have a wedding ring either. He also didn't get down on one knee. We were up a mountain and both had skis on. He would have never been able to get up again!