What do you think of a proposal with no ring?

[Brainded]

Just this really. Wanting to get opinions. What would you think of a proposal with knowing and in fact nothing special going, just the question “will you marry me?”

I don’t want this to turn into a debate about weather proposal is the right way to go. I just want to know how you would feel if you were proposed to with not even a dummy ring. Would it bother you?
so
YABU- it would bother you
YANBU- it wouldn’t bother you

My proposal was without a ring, we bought the ring together the next day. All good 15 years later.

I would hate the one knee and/or a little speech. I would find it cringe making and clichéd.

DH didn't propose, we had just talked about getting married and one day somehow that conversation became one about saving to pay for a wedding and for a house. We began to save and when we had enough, we made an appointment to see the vicar to choose a date. At that point we told our friends and family so I guess that was our 'engagement' but I wasn't bothered about a ring - we had other, more important things to spend our money on. Neither DH nor I are into big showy romantic gestures. And that's fine because he shows me he loves me every day by the things he does, like getting up earlier than he needs to when it's cold so he can clear my windscreen and warm my car, by taking on the majority of household tasks because I work and he doesn't. Like always being a handsome on dad and now grandad - he is the main childcare for our grandchildren. We've been married almost 45 years and there isn't a diamond in the world that I would swap for him.

Really?

Really?

A proposal is not an instaworthy moment, a couple should have a serious discussion about building their lives together when they start thinking about living together and getting married. The ring is trivial in that discussion, plus surely you want to be involved in the choice of your most expensive piece of jewellery.

There's a lot of factors that can influence how people would feel about proposals. What matters is what the people involved would like.

Thid

This. A ring is trivial compared to a proposal. My DH proposed and then we went ring shopping. The ring was stolen 22 years ago and was replaced.

Id think thank god. But we don’t have context op so it’s hard to say in your case. And i wasn’t proposed to and i dont have an engagement ring. But have been married for 23 years. He puts a hot water bottle in the bed when I’ve been at the ice rink watching our daughter, that’s worth more than a ring.

does he love you, care for you. Are you a partnership?

As the marriage has ended anyway I really wouldn’t waste my time thinking about it.

I dislike sharing my proposal story. I make it sound better than it was partly to protect DH and partly so people don't think that's all I deserved.
DH had gone shopping, bought a second hand tiny, worn out thing. I have thick sausage fingers.
We'd been away for a few days. On our last day about to go home he rolled over in bed and asked me. It was amazing to be asked and unexpected. We then had to hurrah up and go down for the B&B breakfast but didn't tell anyone.

The ring looked ridiculous, everyone was very kind and made the right noises. The timing was weird, I've never asked if he was panicked or unsure or just wanted to avoid the whole one knee.

I often wonder how selective people are with a proposal story. I know a few over planned, over photographed type moments that miss the surprise element, it's basically just acting then suppressing the organising memories.

DH has gone on to be rubbish for all celebrations. I've been very hurt over the years but he is good day to day.

I will never marry again, I can't risk doing all the emotional heavy lifting again.

It ok to look back, it's healthy. I hope you look forward to.

Personally I didn't care about a ring, or a fancy proposal and didn't bother getting a ring, when my mum passed I started wearing hers even though it's a different metal to my wedding band.
I think it comes down to what's important, the commitment or the show off factor? (And the same is true when it comes to planning the wedding itself)"

We were in a place of natural beauty, looking over the fields from the hill top, sat on the rug picnic spread around. We were saying how lovely it is, and how we just don’t appreciate the beautiful countryside just down the road from us. He commented this is the perfect place to propose, would you say yes if I did ? I replied maybe , depends on if there’s any wine left 😂, he poured out the last glass and said we better start sharing then.

soooooop cheesy soooooo perfect, no ring.

My husband proposed without a ring, not on one knee or anything else fancy. We were driving back from a weekend away, had stopped to look at something, and he just seized the moment. Nearly 25 years on, it's one of my happiest memories. I do tease him about the not on one knee, but he was holding me in his arms, and honestly, it was lovely. We went together to choose a ring, and in fact had one made because I am awkward...

Both my Ex husband and DP proposed with rings - both had secretly measured other rings to get the right size (although both got rings too big in error lol)

My Ex had designed the ring himself, knowing exactly what ring style I'd appreciate. My Mum hated it but to me it was/is perfect.

Although my DP choice of ring wouldn't be my choice, he had reasons for the stones and design he chose. For that reason, I'm glad he chose rather than myself.

However, it was the sentiment behind both proposals, not the ring that made me say yes. Marriage is a huge commitment and I needed to be sure they knew that wasn't to be taken lightly.

Deep down you know if the proposal was reflective of the attention and care it needed to be to convince you that you're worth it. If the answer is that it wasn't, then I'd personally defer any marriage. It isn't about the ring. It's about the commitment behind the sentiment.

XDH proposed in the middle of a Scottish island, DH proposed one morning while he was getting dressed. In both cases we chose the ring together a week or so later.

I understand your reflection OP, and it's probably deeper than the proposal.

I've never done anything very conventionally, not because I chose not to, more that it just never happened that way, and I allowed that. So looking back down the years I wish I'd been more assertive about what I wanted. I think my seemingly laid back approach attracts people who think I'm easily pleased/low maintenance. That's not their fault, it's mine.

The song Always a woman fascinates me. The woman treats him like shit but he adores her. I know high maintenance women who are absolutely put on a pedestal. Nice women come last sometimes

My OH proposed without a ring, and we chose one together. I think he was relieved as he said the one we chose was very different from what he would have chosen on his own! The only slightly awkward thing was figuring out budget as I wasn't sure how much he had been planning to spend!... Happily married for 10 years now and his proposal is such a happy memory for me

It's OK to reflect on things, to decide whether you can learn from upsetting memories and move on, or whether it is time to let go of them and move on.

What's not OK is to ruminate and prolong the upset. You cannot change the past. You cannot change what other people have done. You can only change yourself. Having a vision of what 'should be' is unhelpful to you, when you have no control of it.

No it wouldn't bother me at all, in fact DH did propose without a ring, we chose a ring together afterwards. We have been married 15 years now

My DH knew not to pick my ring. He knows what I’m like and that I’d want to do it. It’s so expensive that to get it wrong is devastating. Ok, first world problems but why you’d be happy spending thousands and not getting what you really want is beyond me.
Anyway, he proposed. We didn’t tell anyone till we went and got the ring a week or so later. Then it was ‘official’ and we got married 6 months later.

My first H proposed with a ring,he was a jeweller,had it specially made. I absolutely hated it! It was a large plain very expensive ruby. Everyone looked at it, went ",oh, how sweet (meaning small and unimpressive) and said that as they had much bigger fingers they would need a"much bigger stone ", they all got a minute diamond in a fancy"illusion " setting. When our DD was born,he bought me an eternity ring that I picked. I had the most enormous expensive platinum wedding ring, again no input. He was a violent controlling arsehole. Got divorced, this time, over 35 years ago, Im not telling you what he said to propose,as this is MN. I can hear everyone saying"I wouldn't marry anyone who said that to me ". I picked myself an antique ring, never worn and married with my lovely DM wedding ring.

My husband proposed without any speeches or one knee shenanigans, to be honest I’d have found that quite cringey really . A ring didn’t cross my mind at the time , we went and chose one together another day . 40 years next year !

It wouldn't bother me if it was the right person.