What do you think of a proposal with no ring?

[Brainded]

Just this really. Wanting to get opinions. What would you think of a proposal with knowing and in fact nothing special going, just the question “will you marry me?”

I don’t want this to turn into a debate about weather proposal is the right way to go. I just want to know how you would feel if you were proposed to with not even a dummy ring. Would it bother you?
so
YABU- it would bother you
YANBU- it wouldn’t bother you

A proposal IS special. And hopefully it's a one time event. I'd be major miffed if my OH had no inclination to make it feel special as it is.

…and did he then suggest ring shopping together or no? Because if not, then no I would not be happy with that. If he can’t even make any effort now, good luck going forward.

I'm really not into marriage, and it's not something that I want or is important to me BUT I wouldn't be chuffed if I was proposed to with no ring.

A man going down on one knee and making a little speech would make me cringe my face off, so if someone had to propose to me (which I'd prefer they didn't) this would be ideal.

My DH proposed almost exactly like this. He did get down on one knee but there was no speech or extravagant gestures. We went ring shopping a few days later.

It was perfect. He is a wonderful man who adores me (I adore him) and he treats me better than I could ever have dreamed.

Too often, social media makes us believe things need to be showy and a huge gesture. But what matters is the actual marriage.

I’d be more concerned that you felt someone asking you to marry them was “nothing special going on”. I find that hard to understand because I can’t see there would be a bigger thing going on.

A marriage is special and a one time thing.
I’ve been proposed to twice before DH and said no both times. Once was really flashy and in front of a crowd - I still said no as he was very much Mr Right Now (at the time) and not Mr Right.

Why?

We had a discussion about getting married. My dh said ok then "will you marry me". We had a glass of wine and toasted ourselves and went ring shopping at the weekend. It was lovely

I’m really not a ring person and said from the outset that the only thing I would ever wear was a wedding band.

25+ years later I still recall DHs proposal, outside on a crisp winter night, looking at the stars with great affection. No ring is totally necessary with the right person.

I think there needs to be something special. It's not about being glamorous or a Disney fairytale but something to indicate that it's a serious question and moment, that he is aware of the gravity of what he is proposing. That can happen sitting on the floor in the living room, but there should be some clasping of hands, gazing into eyes, loving words, peaceful quietness etc.

I'd also distinguish between a proposal and someone just testing the waters by bringing up the topic. I think that's a very reasonable thing to do but should be treated with the same level of commitment and seriousness as was put in. I wouldn't go book the church on the basis of "should we get married then" without a more serious follow-up conversation (which could be joint/initiated by me). I do believe in being upfront early about where the relationship is heading but that's not the same as a proposal for right now.

I think it will vary by person/context. If you have really strong preferences when it comes to rings, and your partner knows that, I can see why they might want to leave it for you to decide together.

On the other hand, if you feel like you're always taking the lead on things/you're not quite sure where things stand, I think I could find it a bit disappointing if my partner just said: "I really want to marry you!" but then the steps of it actually happening fell to me in practice (not that the ring is necessary to it happening but it normally is the first step - so doesn't set them up for taking a strong lead elsewhere).

Thanks, makes sense now. It's tricky to answer because everyone is different and some people would absolutely want a full on proposal. Others get engaged with no real proposal at all, just a discussion and an agreement that both people want to get married. I've seen several people on here say that they didn't have a proposal as such and are totally fine with that.

My husband didn't do anything elaborate but he did have a ring and he did go down on one knee. It was a total surprise and just one of those perfect moments. But that's all it was, a moment. It's still a treasured memory but my marriage wouldn't be any different if the proposal had happened in a different way. If I heard someone else had got engaged without a ring I wouldn't think anything of it really as long as the couple involved were both happy.

Obviously those are by far not the only two possible scenarios!

Same here - over 30 years ago. I would not have wanted to be presented with a ring that I had not chosen. I have big fingers so it wouldn’t have fitted anyway!

My husband proposed without a ring, it never occurred to me to be annoyed :) he still went down on one knee, it was very special as it was. Two weeks later I had a beautiful ring on my finger which we chose together!

DH asked if I would marry him, I said yes. That was special. No ring then or afterwards. I didn't want an engagement ring, I genuinely see no point in them.

I have a wedding ring, DH doesn't, but I am also not that fussed about wedding rings either. It's just a symbol.

In the past they symbolised you belonged to someone. I prefer to view mine as a symbol that I have chosen to be faithful to one other person. My choice, he doesn't own me.

DH proposed in a casual way, after we’d already discussed getting married. We went ring shopping together afterwards, which I much preferred. I knew what type of ring I would like and really wouldn’t someone else picking it for me.

A friend’s DH had a very expensive ring made for which I really didn’t like at all and I always thought after that I’d like to pick my own ring if I ever got married as I’m the one who has to wear it and look at it very day.

This is actually what happened to me well over 10 years ago…I always had an idea of what a proposal would /should look and feel like (wrongly or rightly) and it was none of those things. We had been going out for over 5years and I was tired of waiting…I had said something the night before and then he “proposed” the next day. I guess I just felt very let down. I’m ruminating now this morning over it, I suppose as it’s Christmas time. But don’t worry the marriage ended anyway…again for reasons along the lines of waiting too long for things for no reason and feeling let down.
and yes…we did pick out the ring together, I suppose I just wanted it to be different. Everyone else I knew got a great proposal and I felt mine was “meh” (should have known) why didn’t I say no and put forward my expectations? I don’t know…I was young? I didn’t want to rock the boat…I’m just sad this morning is all. I just wanted perspective but thank you.

My husband proposed without a ring and then we chose it together afterwards. He did pick a romantic spot and get down on one knee, though.

Kindly OP, there's not much point telling people what you expect them to be. If your approach to too many things is too far apart, then it's just never going to work.

It completely depends on the individual. Can you do some subtle snooping? SOME people totally love the whole "he got down on one knee with a ring under the Eiffel Tower at midnight on the anniversary of the day we first kissed" schtick.
I dropped heavy hints to the man who is now DH that I find performative proposals (fancy location, valentines day, yada yada) very cringe, and that if I was going to be wearing a ring for several decades then I would like some input in what gets chosen. Bless him, he was listening, and we chose a really lovely ring together that he probably wouldn't have had the confidence to risk on his own (it's a slightly unusual antique design).

Dh didn't propose. We had a few conversations about getting married and decided to get engaged. I chose and bought my own ring and then upgraded once he could afford to. I love the maturity of it all and it absolutely represents the way we work and make decisions together. Over 20 years together I have never felt I lacked some great gesture.

You've been together over a decade. You need to challenge yourself to change your mindset around this whole situation. You have a choice about the stories you tell yourself and it's a complete waste of time feeling negative about this. If you wanted a different proposal you'd need another man to do it. Let it go.

I asked mine basically. We agreed it's something we want and started the process. It was bit of a spur of the moment in otherwise really no special circumstances. It's just that we wanted to. We were bith minimum wage hospitality workers at the time. Spending money on ring was bit ridiculous to us.

I got a lovely ring couple of years later brought in from his country as a surprise. My wedding rings set was also from there and came obviously before the wedding.
13 years going on strong. I now have more jewellery from there than I can reasonable wear... But that's cultural thing a bit.

Every is different though and in different circumstances.

We were together…it ended anyway…