DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

It isn’t really your family’s responsibility to get these children to school though. What would happen if you moved? I think it is expecting a lot from your husband and as a gesture of goodwill they could have included your child.

Another one for Team Husband here.

you might want to stop focusing on the minority of votes in your favour and listen to the majority-otherwise what’s the point in doing an AIBU?

Also, you may want to ask yourself why you’re inclined to take your shitty “friends” side in this rather than the man you share your life with. You know, that shitty friend that apparently is all about taking and giving nothing back? What with the free lifts your kind husband gives her kids every day and she can’t even invite your kid to a party??

If I were that child's mum, getting free lifts to school from the parent of another child, that child would 100% be getting invited to the party. It would be the decent thing to do.

This family is showing where they consider your child and family to sit in their friendship network. That seems closer to being a free taxi service than a close friend. If that doesn't work for your DH anymore, that's his choice. Can't say I blame him.

He’s not being petty. The friend sounds entitled as hell. She can enjoy getting her own kids to school from now on.

And if my kid said they didn’t want to invite the kids whose dad gives them a lift every single day, I’d say you bloody well are inviting them or you can walk three miles to school. If they kicked up a fuss I’d say no party then. I’d also pay the dad £50 a month or so for the trouble he goes to.

I agree with your husband
This is a slap in the face from your friend
If they were offering you petrol money or reciprocating in some way then it would be different. Your friend is selfish and entitled.

You need to tell her asap that you will no longer be taking her kids to school in the new year so she has time to make other arrangements

She is treating you like a mug and good for your husband for finally realising it

You should be supporting your husband not worrying about your friends kids .You just sound like a pathetic people pleaser

Totally up to your husband to refuse. It's his favour to offer.
And if marriage is a partnership then maybe see it from his pov.

Team husband, your friend is taking the piss.

I agree with your Husband, he is doing her a big favour and the least she could do is invite your children. You only feel awkward because she is your friend and she will be questioning you why he isn’t taking her dc to school, I would stay out of it and say she needs to ask your husband.

It's not about keeping your husband happy, it's about basic respect and appreciation to the family who is doing you a massive favour. I'm beginning to think this is a reverse, you're incredibly defensive.

Valid point but then your husband shouldn’t have to keep doing the school runs just to keep you happy either.

Aah come on now, we know that it's only when the votes tip over to 83% does it become a majority on MN...

😆

I suspect a reverse as OP isn't returning to the thread to comment very often and doesn't answer questions indicating she's the CF friend and therefore wouldn't know the answers to the questions.

Team DH here and if it were my DH doing the lifts, I'd be telling CF exactly the reason why there'd be no more lifts because I'd be backing him to the hilt on this one!

Wow! So your husband has been incredibly kind and generous to this ungrateful woman by taking her kids to and from school for ages without any thanks or reciprocity and you think HE is being petty?

Geez. As for the people saying he’s driving to school anyway, well the party is happening anyway so it cuts both ways 🤷🏻‍♀️

Some women completely take their husbands for granted, using them as wallets, sperm donors and household drones. While prioritizing other social and familial relationships over the poor chump.

erm actually yes you can, I would expect to try to keep your husband happy if he was taking my kids to school for free.

They are still children and what is wrong with mum saying you have to invite X & Y as remember their parents do us a huge favour every day. It is life lesson for the kids, but it doesn't look like they will get taught it as their parents are CFs do they will likely grow up the same.

Sorry but your husband is correct. you just don't like it because it has made you feel awkward

I am with your husband too - its a total pain in the arse taking someone else’s kids to school every day! For the mum not to acknowledge via a simple party invite is rude!

I would be really pissed off if this happened to me. I would also stop taking their children to school.

Man alert

It seems you consider the lifts to be a favour between you and your friend to help her out. Nothing to do with the kids and their relationship. No expectation this leads to anything else.

It seems your husband sees it differently. He’s doing something twice a day every school day that is a massive favour to your friend. He has to spend time with all the kids together, he has to accommodate and think about other children and take responsibility for them everyday. His children have to share space and time with your friends children, losing time with their dad each day. And they can’t even be bothered to extend a party invitation.

If your husband doesn’t want to carry on with this arrangement, he doesn’t have to for whatever reason. I don’t think this is a bad one though tbh. Getting her children to school is your friend’s issue, not yours to impose on your husband and your children. Are you and your friend expecting him to do this until the children all leave school?

You and her seem don’t seem to understand or appreciate the huge ask you’re making of your husband and your children. You’re both taking them all for granted.

What happens if your DH can't do the school run?

There is no “just” when it comes to keeping someone doing you a massive favour happy! WTF?
The cheeky mare obviously doesn’t give two hoots about keeping any of you happy so why should your DH continue going out of his way “just” to keep her (or you) happy?
Team Husband over Team Doormat all day long, good for him for drawing a line under being used 🙌

They’re not wrong, though, we often see posts from women who no longer love, or even like, their husbands but stay for the lifestyle.