It's ok to disinherit a firstborn if remarried and have a new family, right?

[Eatcabbage]

Or am I being unreasonable for feeling a bit hurt?
I feel like it is saying you aren't my daughter anymore, though this is about the billionth way this has been said over the years.
According to my mother, my father "should have got nothing" when they divorced as he did "f-all" and stayed at home with me after I was born when my mother went back to work, "and I paid your school fees", so why should I inherit anything from her?
I'm not bothered about the financial side of things and don't expect anything from my mother or anyone else and I never have, I'm fiercely independent, but I do get hurt by rejection.
I have two step siblings, and my father not recognising them in his will is apparently another reason why I have been disinherited by my mother.
I'm genuinely interested to know what is normally done in situations like this. Am I just being oversensitive? I know I am very sensitive to rejection and easily hurt by it.

I think this is what’s behind a lot of falling out when someone dies. Even though they might have written the will some time ago, it feels like a weighing up of what you meant to that person, and in a way it is. It’s also an explicit ranking and rewarding of the different people who were involved in the deceased’s life

Your Dad is not responsible for providing for children, that are not related to him in his Will. I find it bizarre that your Mother believes your Dad should be including her children she had with her second husband, just because they are your half-siblings!!!!! It makes no sense, let alone logical sense!! Honestly, she is using your Dad as an excuse to disinherit you, in favour of your half-siblings. Would she provide for your Dad's children by his second marriage in her Will (if he'd any)?!! Of course she wouldn't, she'd think the mere suggestion was ridiculous!! Your Mother is being a bitch, and quite frankly I wouldn't want anything to do with someone so nasty and vindictive.

I had a narcissistic mum and stepdad too, I remember very well hiding my reactions, trying to keep a poker face from 11 years old upwards whilst nasty things to cause the most upset were said to me. My mum and stepdad would be rowing and I’d be pulled to chose sides, obviously I could never chose them both and when they finally made up it was Me who got the blame. They had to have a scapegoat as they didn’t see they were ever to blame for anything.
Then only thing I had that I felt loved me at the young age was a beautiful cat, stepdad put him in a box, sellotaped it over and over again so there was no escape and chucked it in the river.

I'm sorry to hear about your cat @SpryCat, that's so cruel, I hope they floated and someone found them.
I came home one day and was calling and calling my cat, he would usually come running when I got home from school and jump into my arms. I had taught him lots of tricks, he retrieved different things on command and all sorts. My mother had given him to someone at her work and didn't even let me say goodbye.

What is it with narcissistic mothers and cats? My uncle has a childhood memory of his narcissistic mother drowning a litter of cats in the kitchen in front of some of the children, who were crying. She says it never happened.

These stories are just appalling.

Don't Apologise any more, it won’t get you anywhere, your mum is incapable of love, she sees your siblings as extension’s of herself so she isn’t loving them really, she is loving herself.
She has spoken to you about when you write a will, that you should include your siblings and have any money split three ways between them and your daughter. She is bigging them up to you in importance whilst putting your daughter down! So she can tell you how to write your will but goes batshit if you touch on the subject of her will.
I bet every family celebration she causes trouble, she falls out with you and enjoys you apologising, doing everything you can to get her to forgive you so you will be included. It’s all bullshit, a mind game of hers to beat you with.

Oh @SpryCat I'm so sorry.🌷🌹🌺

It’s about hurting the child, having the power to destroy something precious they love. My stepdad killed my cat because that’s what he wanted to do with me, get rid of me. He took away the one thing that loved me back.

I have two step siblings, and my father not recognising them in his will is apparently another reason why I have been disinherited by my mother.
🖕
This is a made up reason from your mum, she didn’t have your siblings when she met and married him so they are his Ex wife’s children. They are not his stepchildren, when your mum met your stepdad she already had you so when they married you became his stepdaughter. She is just making shit up as an excuse, she knows you wont argue the point because you fear her wrath, you fear being excluded so she uses that like a weapon against you.
Its her money and she can do what she wants with it, the truth of the matter is even if she left it all to you, it wouldn’t make up for the love she didn’t give you or her past actions.

God these are such awful stories. I am so sorry you had such cruelty to deal with

Some people (too many) hate their ex more than they love their children. That's what it comes down to , sadly.

She'll never be the mum you want or need because you're your father's daughter. That will never change. She will never change.

If you don't want to go NC, then keep it as a minimum, small talk only, non committal, "that's nice", "ok" type comments and try your best not to bite. You'll never get the apology you deserve , instead you'll be made to feel like crap for upsetting her. When you do bite occasionally, because you're human, do not apologise and reject the guilt. Every action has a reaction. This is what she gets for failing to be a decent human being.

Your mother is cruel and unkind. Giving away a child's much loved pet is actually evil.

Please recognise that everything happening and happened is on her and not you.

Please protect yourself from her going forward and don't allow her to cause you any more pain.

Well I’m guessing it’s ok because my ex-twunt has done this to his one and only daughter 😢😢

Unfortunately we can’t pick our patents. Your mother is a despicable pathetic excuse of a human being. How could a mother treat her own child like that and to disinherit you too?! Disgusting really. As a mother I could never do that to my child. You’re better off without her. Don’t feel rejected, this is on her, not you. She’ll regret this one day.

I feel sorry for you and understand how difficult it must be due to some issues I have that are similar. I think your mother is being entirely unreasonable. If I had a child by a different partner there’s no way I would want them to be disinherited. I would leave her to stew with her money for a while, perhaps for all time.

Well sadly something similar has happened to me- my father is leaving 3/4 of his estate to his son by his second wife, despite the fact he supported his son all through his life and university , but refused to do so for me- he also lied about his financial position to keep me onside for over 40 years. I found out by accident he had been lying all this time- I confronted him and he still is going to leave 3/4 to his son. I had to make a straight choice, am I angry and upset enough to cut him out of my life, or do I continue to turn a blind eye.
This is also not about money- I was incredibly hurt when I realised he feels responsible for his son ,but not for me. I my case my Dad was punishing me for going to university when he couldn't- but apparently he got over that by the time DS went (he crashed out after a year) A parent taking their frustrations about their own lives out on their children is always very ugly.

OP, as someone who has a narcissist as a mother, cut your losses and run free! They will never change. I used to dream that one day she'd change and become the perfect mother I see others have. But they don't change and they don't deserve your love. We don't ask to be born yet they resent us anyway. Don't give her anymore of your tears, thoughts or time. Enjoy your own family and don't look back. Tell her to shove her inheritance where the sun don't shine!

Can you invite yourself (and your dc) around to your beloved aunt's for Christmas day?

I agree with this. Please use this opportunity to have a Christmas of your own without her. A happy time with no stress for you and your immediate family. You need to protect your children from her as she will show them similar behaviour at some point. I'd recommend getting some professional counselling so you can see how the way she treats you is deliberately nasty and you can give yourself permission to let go of the FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) and build your own life without her toxic behaviour. On no account ever be involved in caring for her in her old age. You don't owe her anything.

Have a look at the "stately homes" section of Mumsnet to see that you are sadly, not alone and how others cope.

No, your mothers’ children with her new partner are not your dad’s stepchildren. They are nothing to do with him, which is why it’s so odd your mother thinks he should leave them something in his will. If your father remarried and his new wife had kids from a previous relationship, they would be his stepchildren as he would be in a parental role toward them.

Your mum sounds awful and abusive. She clearly has issues she hasn’t let go of and needs to get some help. You don’t deserve this behaviour and you shouldn’t tolerate it. I would make other plans and give them all a wide berth. It shouldn’t be this way but it sometimes just is, you don’t need that crap in your life.

No wonder you have problems with rejection. Mum has not acted in good faith at all.

Sounds like the best outcome (not the sleeplessness). Have a nice Christmas doing something (anything!) else, and don't bother talking to her ever again!

You are still your mums daughter and she is being incredibly cold hearted.
You are not too sensitive what you feel is very real I can't understand any parent being this way.I'm sorry you have been made to feel this way by your own mum.
Keep being independent you and surround yourself with loving caring people you deserve it x

Absolutely not. Your mother started a new family and the children from her second husband (married or not) have nothing to do with your father. You are the only person to inherit from your father! It might be your mother tries to coërce,you into sharing your inheritage with your half-siblings but lawfully there is no reasonwhy you should. I suppose your mother knows this and is very angry about it - hence her harsh words.