It's ok to disinherit a firstborn if remarried and have a new family, right?

[Eatcabbage]

Or am I being unreasonable for feeling a bit hurt?
I feel like it is saying you aren't my daughter anymore, though this is about the billionth way this has been said over the years.
According to my mother, my father "should have got nothing" when they divorced as he did "f-all" and stayed at home with me after I was born when my mother went back to work, "and I paid your school fees", so why should I inherit anything from her?
I'm not bothered about the financial side of things and don't expect anything from my mother or anyone else and I never have, I'm fiercely independent, but I do get hurt by rejection.
I have two step siblings, and my father not recognising them in his will is apparently another reason why I have been disinherited by my mother.
I'm genuinely interested to know what is normally done in situations like this. Am I just being oversensitive? I know I am very sensitive to rejection and easily hurt by it.

Yanbu, you are still her child. That's an awful way to treat you. Seems like she is punishing you for how she felt about your dad.

Why would your father recognise your mother's new spouse's children in his will?

Your mum sounds horrible. She is punishing you for things that you dad has done.

Are your step-siblings the children of your mum's new husband? If so, why on earth would she expect your dad to include them in his will?

I’m confused.

mum and dad divorced, mum angry that dad got money, dad remarried? But in his will leaving money to you not step siblings so your mum cut you out? Or mum remarried and your dad not leaving stuff to her step dc (why would he) so she’s left you out?

either way mum leaving you out of a will is very difficult to come back from, there’s been countless threads on this sort of thing over the years and even when the parent back tracks it’s never the same. Get yourself some therapy and decide how you want the relationship to be going forward.

Guessing, because she thinks he has got her money from when they divorced and owes her.
Actually, when he was at home doing nothing looking after me when I was a baby, he was also doing his own work and totally renovating the houses they lived in, from derelict with no windows, including all the plumbing, electrics, exterior everything.

Your Mum sounds very...... strange (being kind).

On second thoughts, tell her to go to hell, drop all contact with her, cherish your relationship with your Dad. She's a nasty bitch and totally wrong.

You don't need someone like that in your life.

The step siblings are my mother's children also, to clarify

Then they're not step siblings - they're half siblings. But that makes no difference to my advice above.

Sorry I’m still confused. Who are the step children’s parents?

In your situation I would also be a little hurt, so I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. As you say it’s not about the money but the lack of acknowledgment that you are her daughter. I think I would find it hard to maintain a very close relationship with her under these circumstances.

Then they're your half siblings, not step siblings?

Why would your father leave an inheritance to children your mother had in a subsequent marriage. That doesn't make sense?

This is actually heartbreaking to read 💔
@Eatcabbage please don't ever think this is on you. This is very much your mother's problem - she is completely in the wrong!! And I'm sorry you are paying the (very high, very hurtful) price.

I think OPs parents divorced then OPs mother had further children with a new partner `(half not step siblings). OPs mother has cut OP out of her will but somehow believes her ex husband should provide for her younger children (and in no way related to him) in his will. This is very bizarre thinking on the part of OPs mother.

I made a mistake, half siblings. They are my mother's and her new (not so new) husband's

Sounds as if she’s taking her complex feelings about the split out on you. Horribly unfair and messed up. I would try to disengage as much as you can.

Assume you are not in Scotland ? As it would I think be illegal there

your mother sounds horrible and bitter. I wouldn’t be putting too much effort into that relationship going forward. She punishing you for the failure of their marriage and her deal in the divorce and that’s outrageous .

They're not step they are half. Totally different things

I've said nothing about it for years, but last night we were talking about something unrelated and she, by way of trying to think of something nasty to say about someone known to be abusive, said "What's he going to do to force him, threaten to disinherit him?". I was tired and failed to bite my tongue and said actually, I find that a bit difficult to listen to in the circumstances and it all literally exploded from there with her saying she was going to have to tell my half siblings that they now have a serious problem because I am after her money. She now isn't speaking to me and we were supposed to be joining them all, including half siblings, after Christmas and I don't think I'll be at all welcome now.
Needless to say, I didn't sleep last night.

They didn't have a legally split divorce, she got a lot more than my father.

You are correct, you can't disinherit your children in Scotland. My MIL tried to, but DH and siblings tracked down the estranged child and made sure they got their share. It was the least they could do after MIL abandoned them.

OP I can understand why you are so hurt. Your 'D'M sounds like a complete narc who will never be done punishing you for your parents' split. You poor thing. Have you thought about counselling?

I've never heard of a mother disinheriting her children because she paid more than her husband for them growing up. The net effect is that you'll be left less than your siblings which doesn't seem fair. It's not you being iver sensitive. As others have said, it's you being punished for how she feels about your dad's behaviour

Woah, I didn't realise you were in active contact. Have a look at the Stately Homes threads on here if they're still going. Read up on FOG (fear, obligations and guilt). Get some counselling. Redraw the boundaries and reduce contact. You don't need to continue to pander to your mother, you can redraw your relationship and find peace.

And don't go at Christmas.

you are right , dm is hurting you to get back at df. You had no control over dm choices and I’d ask her why you are getting the fall out from her decision to divorce… and back off from her. your step siblings can provide any support she needs moving forward.

She says I'll inherit from my father so I don't need to inherit from her as well, but like I said, it's not about the money, it's about the emotional implications.
If you followed her theory though, if my father remarried and I had half siblings on that side, I'd have no parents left.