Am I being silly re Christmas dinner/day.

[Hairisbad]

I knew for a number of months that DD is working over Christmas.
Won't be home until 6pm so is going to have her Christmas day
with her family at 7pm. Live 5 miles away.
Back in boxing day.

But have just been told by DS that him and his family are going
to his wife's friends house for Christmas day. No plans to see us.
Lives less than a mile away. Going sales shopping on boxing day.

As a family we are getting together at the weekend after Christmas day.

This means that DH and I are on our own. Yes we can get nice food in
and watch what we want on TV.
It seemed as though they didn't care we were on our own.
We are retired so it will just be a normal day for us.

Am I being Silly to feel left out.

Sorry to burst your bubble petal, I love my parents, very much, and we’re all very close. But we’re grown ups and cook our own dinners 🤣 also none of us like to go out on Christmas Day-it’s a chill out and drink day, and none of us live in the same county.

What a weird assumption to make on one short post. Says more about you than anything else…

Have a wonderful time @Hairisbad - a very happy Christmas to you!

You're being ridiculous. Your adult children are entitled to spend Christmas Day how they want to and sometimes that will be with people other than you. You already have a date booked in to celebrate. Stop moping.

Quick update.
We are going out later today to Tenerife.
Hotel we have been before.
First we looked at.
Better get packing.
We have already got insurance
as we took an annual one after going to Majorca
in September.

I don't understand your son choosing his wife's friends over family.

Bizarre that so many posters can't empathise with you on this. And he lives a mile away!

Especially as you're getting over cancer treatment.

He could at least come over at some point of the day but choosing some friends over family isn't on, IMO, as it's not as if you live 100s of miles away.

???

So this has all changed and you're going to Tenerife for Xmas?

I personally wouldn’t go a Christmas Day without seeing my mum, shes either came to ours for dinner, we have gone to hers or we have visited in the morning before she has gone to my aunts for dinner.

my brother on the other hand couldn’t give a shit if he saw her on Christmas, if she was alone or where she was. As long as he is happy .

I still think your son is thoughtless and I dismay at posters who think that being an 'adult' means you ignore your family at special times. FGS.

So you moved the day? We don't spend every year at my folks, just like we don't spend every year at my SO's folks (divorced and in separate countries - nightmare). We alternate, sometimes this means one parent is all alone. We then have the celebration on a different day which, if I'm honest, sounds like what you've done, you've shifted it. So you're being very unreasonable IMO.

I think your son has been thoughtless, particularly as last year was difficult because of treatment (I really empathise with that as I've been there too). Glad to see you've found a lovely holiday for you and DH and I hope you have a lovely time with a nice family get together to look forward to on your return! Happy Christmas OP.

Did you ask or tell? Your wording implies you told them, which rarely goes well. Plus if someone tells me something about Christmas months before it there’s a 99.9% chance I’m forgetting.

I've never understood the obsession with Christmas day. In my mind it's all Christmas from Christmas Eve to New Years Day and maybe even beyond (the twelve days of Christmas and all that). What matters to me is that I see my family at some point within that long period to exchange gifts, have a lovely meal and a glass of wine together. It makes no difference if it's the 25th December or 29th. It's all the same.
When people obsess about seeing people on 25th December it creates so much pressure. There are so many different people to keep happy. You either try and see everyone in one day or risk offending certain people.
If you're having a family gathering the week after Christmas then that is your family Christmas. I can absolutely see why your son has made other plans for Christmas day. If he sees you, he'll offend his partner's family. If he tries to see you all, the day becomes busy and tiring. If he sees his partner's family you'll be annoyed. Seeing friends is the perfect solution.
I think you should just feel grateful that you have a family you'll be seeing. I know plenty of people who feel very lonely at Christmas.

OP, you're a legend. You read the advice and acted on it. Happy Christmas.

Love this OP, have a great time in Tenerife :)

That's wonderful, OP!

It will do your dc good to know that you they are not your only option.

Isn't that the benefit of being retired? Able to go somewhere with little notice?

Oh so glad that you sorted the trip OP. It sounds amazing.
I think it was a bit of misunderstanding as you were sorting a date for the get together it probably came across as being “the dinner” you mentioned. So I would be more specific and formal with the invites in the future.
Also as your DIL doesn’t have any living relatives she is used to think about her only not about someone else. It’s wrong that they were just focused on themselves so maybe you could have a chat with your son later about it.

Congratulations on finishing your treatment 💐

I hope you are with someone this Christams. 💐

Yes you're being silly. This is what happens when you have in laws etc. Sometimes it's their turn.
Do something brilliant that you couldn't have done if you were having the traditional family Xmas. Why not book a last minute stay in a fancy hotel with all the trimmings included - somewhere with nice walks etc

Every year my parents say it might be our last Christmas and all that guilt stuff.

They have never invited us. They always invited my brother and wife and children but never us as we don't have children. If they invited us we would go but they don't so we spend it just the two of us, together which is lovely. Now my brother's kids are in their twenties and have other plans it's back to guilt tripping.

If you want to see them just invite them.

@harriethoyle did you read the part about her having cancer last year and how she had hoped for a family Christmas this year? Perhaps try having some empathy rather than being so nasty. Shame on you.

OP I think that is awful of your son to do that to you with such little notice. Obviously it can’t be helped with your daughter. YANBU. I’m sure you and DH can do some things to make the day special then you can celebrate with DS and DD to the weekend and thereby have 2 Christmases. I hope you have a lovely time

That is such a lovely update. A good opportunity nowcfor new traditions. I wish you a very happy Christmas and the best of health going forward.

Lovely OP sounds perfect enjoy it!

Wow just read the Tenerife update! How exciting OP, have a lovely time 😊

Ooh just seen your update. Brilliant!

I hope you have a great time OP