Page 8 | Am I being silly re Christmas dinner/day.

Hairisbad · 2024-12-18T20:55:12+00:00

I knew for a number of months that DD is working over Christmas. Won't be home until 6pm so is going to have her Christmas day with her family at 7pm. Live 5 miles away. Back in boxing day. But have just been told by DS that him and his family are going to his wife's friends house for Christmas day. No plans to see us. Lives less than a mile away. Going sales shopping on boxing day. As a family we are getting together at the weekend after Christmas day. This means that DH and I are on our own. Yes we can get nice food in and watch what we want on TV. It seemed as though they didn't care we were on our own. We are retired so it will just be a normal day for us. Am I being Silly to feel left out.

Tvp123 · 19/12/2024 09:47

Personally I don't understand the upset people who live so close to their family feel about not seeing them on one day of the year. Do you see them plenty the rest of the year? If so, what is one day?

Itiswhysofew · 19/12/2024 09:48

Christmases change. Enjoy the day. It'll be different, but that's fine

BarbaraHoward · 19/12/2024 09:49

ISeriouslyDoubtIt · 19/12/2024 09:02

To all these posters( many of whom do not have adult children ),saying it's perfectly fine for the son, who lives only a mile away, to not see his parents on Christmas Day, I wonder whether you'd be as blasé if your own adult children did not see you at all on Christmas day, especially if you had recovered from cancer?

Our four parents have had cancers nine times between them, with seven full recoveries. If we worked Christmases around recovery as well as treatment we'd be screwed.

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 19/12/2024 10:19

ISeriouslyDoubtIt · 19/12/2024 09:02

To all these posters( many of whom do not have adult children ),saying it's perfectly fine for the son, who lives only a mile away, to not see his parents on Christmas Day, I wonder whether you'd be as blasé if your own adult children did not see you at all on Christmas day, especially if you had recovered from cancer?

'Recovered from cancer' doesn't really have anything to do with Christmas day though. Unfortunately cancer is very common, think it's 1 in 2 people now. If you had to visit every relative that had had cancer on Christmas day you'd only be there an hour max.

I'm sure OP would far rather she saw her son every fortnight or whatever, chatted on the phone, popped in to check on her while recovering etc and had general decent contact than him just turning up on Christmas day and not seeing her rest of the year.

It's amazing OP has recovered and I wish her all the best, but it's not something for her to flex to control what her adult kids do on Christmas Day.

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 19/12/2024 10:22

BarbaraHoward · 19/12/2024 09:49

Our four parents have had cancers nine times between them, with seven full recoveries. If we worked Christmases around recovery as well as treatment we'd be screwed.

Show quote history

Exactly, and our parents live almost a 12 hour drive apart!

BarbaraHoward · 19/12/2024 10:31

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 19/12/2024 10:22

Exactly, and our parents live almost a 12 hour drive apart!

Show quote history

Ouch, an hour and a half is logistically painful enough for us!

doitwithlove · 19/12/2024 10:36

My dh is alone till I get home from work on Christmas day - once home it is just us two. Perfect, to us it is just another day

ButterCrackers · 19/12/2024 10:38

Plan a nice Christmas Day for you and your dh. Is there a local charity you could help out at for an hour or two? That would help you to do something different and it would be helping others.

ISeriouslyDoubtIt · 19/12/2024 12:18

Reading this thread with all the horrible people who don't want to visit their parents even on alternate Christmases even if they live round the corner, don't want to eat dinner with them, don't think Christmas day is different to any other day and don't care one bit if their parents want to see them on that day, has made me even more grateful for my own wonderful children, siblings and parents( now just my mother).
Of course over the decades with husbands' and wives' families not everyone can see the parents on Christmas day, but all have always made the effort to do so if at all possible, and we would all absolutely hate to think of anyone or any parents being alone on Christmas day, it just wouldn't happen.

TheFormidableMrsC · 19/12/2024 12:56

ButterCrackers · 19/12/2024 10:38

Plan a nice Christmas Day for you and your dh. Is there a local charity you could help out at for an hour or two? That would help you to do something different and it would be helping others.

They are going on holiday, OP has updated.

RawBloomers · 19/12/2024 13:03

What a great way to take life by the horns and turn things around, OP!

Merry Christmas! Hope you both have a lovely time.

StampOnTheGround · 19/12/2024 13:09

Great idea OP - have a fantastic holiday in Tenerife!

FrenchandSaunders · 19/12/2024 13:18

Lovely update OP, it's high 20s out there at the moment and that's exactly what we will be doing if we end up having a Christmas on our own in the future.

TooManyBloodyMarys · 19/12/2024 13:25

Fab update. Have a brilliant time on your holiday and family day.

Lightswitchup · 19/12/2024 13:29

That’s fab OP. You’ve obviously had a rough couple of years and you deserve to have a lovely time!

MaltipooMama · 19/12/2024 13:57

ISeriouslyDoubtIt · 19/12/2024 12:18

Reading this thread with all the horrible people who don't want to visit their parents even on alternate Christmases even if they live round the corner, don't want to eat dinner with them, don't think Christmas day is different to any other day and don't care one bit if their parents want to see them on that day, has made me even more grateful for my own wonderful children, siblings and parents( now just my mother).
Of course over the decades with husbands' and wives' families not everyone can see the parents on Christmas day, but all have always made the effort to do so if at all possible, and we would all absolutely hate to think of anyone or any parents being alone on Christmas day, it just wouldn't happen.

Sat here with my dad right now (as I do at least twice a week) and confirmed for him that according to you I am "horrible" because I live less than 10 minutes away from him and don't see him or have dinner with him on Christmas Day since my partner and I choose to spend the day having a relaxing time with our son and dog. He actually laughed out loud and said that unfortunately the older generation can be very entitled and he's glad that after 35 Christmases that I have spent with him, nothing makes him happier than to know he has raised me to be independent and self sufficient enough to be confident in starting new norms with my own family, exactly as he did 37 years ago. He also has said I'm the most thoughtful and kind person he's ever known and would have some choice words for you if he heard you say that in real life.

My dad is married now and will spend the day with his wife, but if he weren't I know I would have to drag him kicking and screaming to my house for dinner because as he always says, he's had his time and it was wonderful, now it's time to pass the baton.

Reading your post does make me glad that I have a parent like mine, and not someone like you. I sure hope my children are the same when they grow up and don't feel like they have to cater to me instead of finding their own ways of living.

Searchingforthelight · 19/12/2024 13:58

MuminCrete · 19/12/2024 08:30

I can understand feeling left out, but sonetimes with all the pressure over Christmas and who to spend time with, things get blown out of proportion.

Personally, I'd be having the following conversation if I was in your place and wanted to be included.

'DD: I completely understand that you're working and will be tired, but we'd very much like to join some part of Christmas celebrations. Of course I don't want to add yo your workload by expecting you to host/cater for us but is there some way we can join you for a bit? Could we join you for pre dinner drinks, or after dinner for a bit of Christmas pudding and watch the kids open some presents?'

'DS: we'd love to see you over the Christmas period - completely understanding and happy that you're spending the day with friends. Is there any possibility that we could join you for breakfast or just a coffee on Christmas moring before you head to friends house, if timing works? (Not sure if DS has kids) Or alternatively, can we meet after your sales shopping on b. Day for a purchase debrief - we can provide wine & snacks?'

Honestly I'd be so irritated by either of those suggestions!
The OP is already seeing her son and daughter the weekend between Christmas and NYear
Why try to insert yourself into another date within 48 hours of that!
The daughter sounds like she has her own kids who she'll only get to see in the evening, after a long days work
Or course she doesn't want the OP turning up

And no one wants to do a shopping debrief!

MaltipooMama · 19/12/2024 13:58

On another note, OP, I hope you and your DH have an amazing time on holiday and I wish you a very merry Christmas 🎄

safetyfreak · 19/12/2024 14:05

Hairisbad · 19/12/2024 09:19

Quick update.
We are going out later today to Tenerife.
Hotel we have been before.
First we looked at.
Better get packing.
We have already got insurance
as we took an annual one after going to Majorca
in September.

Brill! enjoy :)

This would be something I like to do when my DDs are grown.

Original poster

Hairisbad · 19/12/2024 14:14

My goodness it's been a very busy morning just leaving for the airport.
Bikini packed, shorts packed and if there is anything I've forgotten hard luck.
Don't think I've ever been this excited or organized.
Children and grandchildren shocked but pleased for us both.

Enjoy Christmas everyone.

OP posts:

NewName24 · 19/12/2024 22:01

ISeriouslyDoubtIt · 19/12/2024 09:02

To all these posters( many of whom do not have adult children ),saying it's perfectly fine for the son, who lives only a mile away, to not see his parents on Christmas Day, I wonder whether you'd be as blasé if your own adult children did not see you at all on Christmas day, especially if you had recovered from cancer?

Not that you have to have been in the same situation to be able to offer an opinion on any thread, but, as it happens:

Yes, I've had cancer
Yes ds lives locally to us
Last year he was working on Christmas Day
This year he is spending Christmas Day with his partner's family.
So if he comes to us (or we go to them) next year, that will be 3 years between us spending Christmas Day together. Though likelihood is, he will be working again.

Yes - that is fine with us.
We are all getting together (like the OP) at the weekend. One particular date doesn't make or break a relationship.

Peanutssuck · 19/12/2024 22:16

I agree with the OP, but I also agree with other posters. I'm not seeing my DS Xmas day - he is going to his MILs. I'm upset he won't be with me (widow) but happy and proud that I've brought him up to be a loving husband and father, who puts his wife first. However, I'm entitled to be upset, as is the OP.

Have a fabulous holiday OP

NoCarbsForMe · 20/12/2024 09:41

Hairisbad · 18/12/2024 21:04

Last year I was recovering from cancer.
We did mention after my treatment, that this year
they will have dinner with us.
That's when DD mentioned that she was working.

You mentioned that they WILL have dinner with you?

It's best to invite people op and let them decide.

PheasantPluckers · 20/12/2024 09:42

You are a couple - nobody is alone here!

NoCarbsForMe · 20/12/2024 09:45

Hairisbad · 19/12/2024 09:19

Quick update.
We are going out later today to Tenerife.
Hotel we have been before.
First we looked at.
Better get packing.
We have already got insurance
as we took an annual one after going to Majorca
in September.

Aw just read your update op. Great idea. Enjoy! 🎉🎉🎉