About this odd wedding situation

[BrummieBab]

DH and I got married two and a half years ago. DH remains close to a large group of his school friends who were all invited. He is also still sort of in touch with (but much less close to) a wider circle of school friends who we see sometimes at parties or weddings but don’t really socialise with independently.

At the time we got married, one friend, Dean, was part of the second category of friends, in that we saw him now and then at other people’s events but he wasn’t ever invited to our events and he never invited us to anything. He wasn’t invited to our wedding because we just weren’t close at that time. Since then, we’ve got a lot closer as a result of him reconnecting with one of DH’s best friends who we see regularly. He now comes to all our group events and I’d say we’re good friends with him now, we invite him to parties etc now.

Apologies for the big back story. The issue now is that Dean is engaged and last week sent out wedding invitations. Everyone else in the close group of school friends has been invited. DH and I aren’t invited. We aren’t bothered by this at all - Dean has a large group of friends so can’t invite everyone, we’ve only been close for the last year or so, plus it’s taking place 100 miles away so we would need to stay overnight and we have young kids and will have a 6 week old baby when the date comes round. So we honestly didn’t think anything of it.

The weird part is that Dean texted my DH especially to say ‘sorry you’re not invited but you know we weren’t invited when you got married.’ DH thought that was a bit weird but just texted back ‘haha no worries, hope you have a great day and look forward to seeing pics’. Then Dean comes back again and is like ‘well now you know how it feels to be the one not invited’. DH replied
‘What do you mean?’ And Dean replies ‘just that. Now you know how it feels to not be invited.’

AIBU or is this weird? Dean wasn’t invited to our wedding because we weren’t close then. We’re closer now, but not to the point where DH and I would assume we would be on the guest list, but it’s like he’s making sure we know we’re deliberately excluded as a tit for tat?

DH has no idea how to respond. I’ve said just leave it and see if things settle down but he’s worried that if it’s not addressed it will make things awkward with the friendship group.

I would perhaps apologise that he was upset about not being invited to your wedding but just be honest and remind Dean how the relationships were at the time and reiterate that you are not offended by not being invited. Don’t say anything about the kids; it’ll make it sound as if you are just trying to further make the best of not being invited.

I'd honestly ignore it.
He may have been hurt at not being invited but this is childish.
I'd have no problem at the lack of invite but this tit for tat make me wonder if the friendship was worth it.

I would ignore it.

That’s how I feel. There were no hard feelings at all about not being invited but if he wants us to feel deliberately excluded as some kind of punishment then what does it say about the friendship overall!

You weren't close friends then so he's just being petty. Don't bother to reply again

Is Dean a 14 year old high schooler???

Pathetic thing to do for a grown man. I wouldn’t reply OR this is the perfect situation for the thumbs up emoji 👍

Fancy using your own wedding to make a point.

I would probably address it too if I was your DH. Maybe he needs to take him for a pint and say it wasn't meant maliciously, the friendship has grown since then, he would never have meant to hurt him, he's sorry and hope they can move on etc. I'd probably be a bit wary of getting too close after this (this seems pretty childish and vindictive) but smooth things over for the sake of the group.

Dean is a wierdo. End of.

Blimey ouch.

Id reply “yeah, I know mate - it would be amazing to see you get hitched, but I know exactly how it is - it’s impossible to invite everyone. We’ll look forward to seeing you and the new Mrs X in 2025. Best of luck with all the planning and congrats again.”

I either wouldn't reply or would just say, Sorry you feel that way. But I definitely would show the messages to my other friends! Hard to be friends with such a petty, resentful person.

Dean is not a nice person deep down.

I'd question if I want to be friends with someone so petty.

Blase is probably the best approach. "We remember what it's like, you can't invite everyone!! Hope you have a great day "

This.

I think all that needs is 👍
Wouldn't give it any other headspace.
(And Dean is odd to say it!)

What do you mean?’ And Dean replies ‘just that. Now you know how it feels to not be invited.’

I would probably just send either ‘ok’ or 👍

let Dean feel like he’s got one over, but really you don’t care, in future I guess decide if he gets invited to more events of yours but really would he be a great loss as a friend, if this is how he thinks?

I'm cringing for Dickhead Dean

Dean isn’t very nice is he?

I’d probably reply and say sorry you feel that way, but we won’t really that close when we got married so don’t really see what the problem is.

Dickhead Dean the Drama Queen

God he's really embarrassed himself there OP, and shown you what a dick he actually is! Pathetic man...I couldn't (and wouldn't!) stay friends with such an arsehole!

I would totally ignore. How embarrassing for him. Or literally just reply 😂

But probably ignore - he’s looking for an argument.

Guy’s a tosser. He’s aware you weren’t close enough at the time of your wedding. He’s being petty and pathetic.

I would reply🥱

He’s being childish. Personally I would respond because as I get older I can’t be arsed with people behaving like this and would respond something along the lines of Dean, as you know we were not close at the time of our wedding, we have become friends again over the past year but we were not expecting an invite anyway, however your childish behaviour makes me realise why we weren’t close in the first place

Dean sounds unhinged.
I would ignore it.
I would also pull back sharply from Dean, don’t invite him to any events you organise. Remain polite if you are in his company but that would be a clear sign for me to distance myself from this weirdo.

Cross posted with Vextable that’s a great reply.