To think that all the dietary requirements these days is taking the joy out of hosting?

[ChristmasMenuDrama]

Across my family and their partners, we have:

• Allergic to all fruit
• Allergic to nuts & seeds - won’t eat anything that “may contain” just in case.
• Allergic to Seafood
• Vegan
• Coeliac
• Legumes set off his IBS

And then there are other people who are just plain fussy like the person who won’t eat anything with cream, creamy, or that is too similar to cream in their opinion.

Then you factor in children and I start to lose the will to live.

I really try to be an accommodating host and I always find something everyone can eat eventually but is just me or is it getting worse?

It was fine when it was just one person with a “requirement” but a lot of the ones I have listed aren’t very compatible with each other.

It really takes the joy out of it when I have to keep vetoing things or replacing them with very expensive substitutes!

God forbid people don't want to be incredibly unwell through eating your food.

Would you prefer they didn’t come or were ill?

That’s a horrendous set of requirements.
My nuclear family has seafood anaphylaxis, vegan, lactose intolerance, no seed oils.
It’s much easier in the summer but still a struggle. Winter entertaining with your list would do my head in.

So you want people to play roulette with possibly their lives, em no thanks.

Allergies that are real can't be helped, everything else is choice

So i get the rest

I literally could not manage all that. It’s just too much to think about - it’d be like running a restaurant.

I hate hosting and avoid it like the plague. I am however a decent guest and give cash to hosts.

@Jingleberryalltheway @Tinselskirt obviously not.

@Marblesbackagain I didn’t say that at all - I said I always find something they can eat! My AIBU is it makes it joyless and is it getting worse

Allergies are one thing, but just fussiness is a no. Fussy people shouldn’t be giving people lists of what they will and won’t eat, and expecting people to cater for it.

Just don’t bother, serve whatever you want and sling a bowl of epipens in the middle of the table. They are clearly just being awkward not wanting to die or shit themselves at the dinner table!

That is tough.
My DS has multiple food allergies but there's only one of him so I can manage it fairly well.
I think I'd do a buffet, ask everyone to bring one dish and provide the basics like salads myself. Then hopefully everyone would find at least something they can eat.

Gluten-free or cornmeal porridge made with water for them all.

Won’t eat “ may contain “ needs to bring own food if truely allergic. I don’t keep the the allergy equivalent of a kosher kitchen sadly.
other than that I’m happy to put out a picky bits of everything that makes everyone feel accommodated. If I feel cooking it all myself is too much then M&S or what ever will supply.

In this case, potluck! Everyone brings a dish they can eat and will enjoy. You provide the fluffing out stuff like bread (including gf) and veg/salad.

Other then the vegan (which is pretty easy to cater seperately for these days) you can catch all of those with some simple tweaks especially this time of year as frankly a roast is pretty straight forward!
I think allergen cooking can seem a daunting issue and have to go for the more expensive free from stuff but reality a lot of things can be done which are naturally gluten free or do easy swaps.

I'm gluten free because it makes me very ill!

As with every aspect of life the problem is the bandwagon jumpers who adopt something real to take advantage of or simply to stand out and feel special.

I am vegetarian & don't eat eggs. 35 years in I'm not changing just so I can eat at someone's house.

I'm totally unfussy & wouldn't care if you cooked elaborately for you all & gave me a chunk of cucumber & an apple. Just don't omit to tell me if you've cooked something I can't eat & will make me sick (tomato soup with beef stick for example) or cheesy pasta ( and think I won't notice the bits of ham in it).

Yes but the flip side to the bandwagons is that they make life a lot more straight forward for us who have a medical need to follow a certain diet.
More demand = more produce/restaurant choice and awareness so its a bit of a double edged sword.

You don't sound very nice.

I have two close friends who have food intolerances. I care about them and therefore I've taken great pleasure in making enjoyable meals that won't make them unwell. Surely that's what a decent person does?

Something like Christmas Dinner would work fine for all of those requirements (use dairy free spread instead of butter, range of veg so legumes can be missed out for the person with IBS, gf bread to make the stuffing or gf stuffing mix, cornflour to make the gravy), with the exception of something to replace the meat for the vegan person. That'd be easiest via something like a nut roast, although because nut allergies can be really serious and there might be cross-contamination I guess that's probably a no-go. I'm sure there must be something made of pulses that your vegan guest could eat instead of turkey.

I've always prided myself on catering for various food allergies/intolerances and making sure that everyone can eat the same glorious meal. I love cooking and don't want anyone to have a "lesser" dish, so I don't want to just leave bits out for one person or make an entirely separate meal.

But having friends go vegan had broken me. It's fine if I'm just hosting for them - I actually eat mostly veggie and a lot of vegan food at home anyway. But to do it without what, dairy or nuts. Fuck me, but it makes cooking boring and planning a headache.

It’s annoying but it’s something you have to think about for one meal.

My daughter has numerous life threatening allergies and we have to consider what she eats carefully every day, three times a day for her entire life.

if you were a gracious host you could put up with the inconvenience for one meal

I'm sorry your getting such mean responses op. I think it's clear that you DO cater for all the necessary, which is good of you. But I agree of course it takes the joy from the process. It makes it a time consuming and concerning stressful experience, as you can't just make what's good, or what your good at , and instead have to be extra cautious around cross contamination and have multiple layers of allergy to consider. It's limiting. Stressful. And joyless.

Just to add that I know there are meals you can make, and I have done. But they're rarely dinner party worthy, and get boring if you repeat them every time.

I sympathise, but wouldn’t a standard turkey roast dinner with an oven ready vegan alternative main suit all these?

I hear you. It's easier to just find a few foods everyone can eat and do them every time you have a big get together.
eg. homemade tomato soup, jacket pots (plus a range of toppings, labelled, that everyone can choose)
It's dull but at least everyone will appreciate that they can at least eat!

Either that or tell everyone to bring their own food and you'll provide the booze