To think that all the dietary requirements these days is taking the joy out of hosting?

[ChristmasMenuDrama]

Across my family and their partners, we have:

• Allergic to all fruit
• Allergic to nuts & seeds - won’t eat anything that “may contain” just in case.
• Allergic to Seafood
• Vegan
• Coeliac
• Legumes set off his IBS

And then there are other people who are just plain fussy like the person who won’t eat anything with cream, creamy, or that is too similar to cream in their opinion.

Then you factor in children and I start to lose the will to live.

I really try to be an accommodating host and I always find something everyone can eat eventually but is just me or is it getting worse?

It was fine when it was just one person with a “requirement” but a lot of the ones I have listed aren’t very compatible with each other.

It really takes the joy out of it when I have to keep vetoing things or replacing them with very expensive substitutes!

You'd have to do gravy with vegetable stock rather than use the meat juices, separate vegan pigs in blankets, gluten free and vegan Yorkies, gluten free bread sauce made with soy milk or oat milk, roast potatoes roasted in vegetable oil not goose fat - it wouldn't be totally straightforward.

I'll happily cater for allergies. I absolutely won't for preferences or picky eaters though.
I would questions some of those allergies though, some seem very improbable....

Although that list looks daunting if you are an adventurous cook- most Christmas roast meals should surely work? Or any basic meat and veg combo with a meat alternative for the vegan.
Roast potatoes in (rapeseed? Yes/no?) Oil,. The IBS person can just not eat peas?
And I don't eat nuts anyway so don't have them around, but it's not hard to not have nuts in a main meal is it?
Desserts now would be much harder!

I think you'd need 2 probably to fit all those requirements.

A sticky toffee or syrup sponge or suet pudding.
You can make gluten free ones but I think its rank, I'd rather do something like a cheese cake with a GF biscuit base and fruit on for the celiac.

My biggest pet hate as a coeliac is being lumped in with the vegan option. Being coeliac is bad enough without a vegan meal and dessert of fruit

I do sympathise OP. I go to great lengths to accommodate any allergies, but I've always given children the same food as adults, and wouldn't be prepared to make anything special on Christmas Day for someone who was just fussy. We had our daughter and son in law living with us for much of this year, and trying to cope with a very strict halal and organic only diet proved to be very challenging! Thankfully my daughter ended up cooking for herself 😆

That's the reason I don't host. Thank goodness for restaurants.

OP isn't trivialising allergies, so no need for the sarkie comments. She's commenting on the fact that allergies are way more common now. Even 30 years ago, neither my children nor their friends had food allergies, I knew one person at school who had a very minor strawberry allergy, But not there are so many allergies that it does make catering really difficult.

@UpUpUpU i completely agree with you! I often have to order lunches for work these days and the other week the GF people had just green salad, despite me confirming with the organiser that they would have an appropriate substitute. I complained and they appeared with some potato wedges and fruit salad…

I ALWAYS try to make sure everyone has something decent which is why it’s so stressful when they are all mixed in together

People with allergies find it hard and limiting when they want to go out and enjoy themselves.

We always self cater on holidays as DS has allergies and it's just easier to cook rather than go out to local restaurants. That takes away from the holiday experience but it's what we do to ensure he is part of the family and enjoy himself.

Can I ask which allergies you think seem improbable?

Well that’s fine for two. The OP lists SIX sets of requirements.

It's not great for vegetarians. Now vegans are more numerous, most restaurants kill two birds with one stone and just present vegan options, a much more restricted diet than vegetarian.

I can't imagine lumping coeliac with vegan. I have gluten intolerant friend, and it doesn't make a lot of difference when you're home cooking. So I'd just remove the wheat elements from the main meal and do something separate for the vegan.

Absolutely, my own dietary requirements take the joy out of preparing food for just me.

I had my goddaughter visiting and she has a very, very severe peanut allergy. All I wanted to do was buy a small cake, absolutely impossible, all that I could find were produced in factories that may contain nuts. So I decided to make brownies that require 80% bars of choc, only two brands available, nut factory. I spent ages searching until I found things she could eat. It was not fun at all.

Yes. All of this.

YANBU OP and the posters getting pissy and claiming you want your friends and family to get sick aren't reading properly. It IS hard work and it does totally take the joy out of socialising at home. I don't bother any more.

Agreed! The allergies I would do my best to accommodate, but people with such severe allergies or aversions that they won't eat anything that "may contain nuts" for example, I just wouldn't invite over, as there's no way I could guarantee my home kitchen is nut free.

I agree. I think the OP has had some very harsh responses. I have been cooking for my DS with lots of allergies for nearly 20 years now. It's part of life. I'm used to it and I am pretty good at it but no, I don't "enjoy the challenge". It is true there is a certain satisfaction when you complete a tricky free from recipe or create an alternative to everyone else's favourite meal and it turns out to be edible, but it's similar to the sense of satisfaction you get when you've walked to the top of an unpleasantly steep hill - you're proud of yourself for completing the task and know it's beneficial but the actual execution of it was a bit grim and you're relieved when it's over without mishap.
Since DS went to University and I've been able to cook whatever I like again I've really enjoyed cooking. I'd forgotten how much fun it can be when you don't have to worry. I don't resent cooking for him, it's just the hand life has dealt us and it can't be helped, but I don't enjoy it. If there was a magic cure we'd be delighted to take it. I dont know anyone with allergies or another medically required diet who wouldn't opt for an unrestricted diet if they could. I don't particularly enjoy dealing with it and I definitely wouldn't expect someone who isn't used to it to be overjoyed when presented with the list of restrictions. YANBU OP. There are ways round such problems but you're right, it's not fun.

Potluck is a fantastic process, people with serious dietary need are experts on how to feed themselves safely ( it’s very Darwinian ) and sometimes the food even tastes good! Turn the tricky customers into an asset and let yourself off the hook a bit. The anxiety for the guests will be way reduced too, everyone gets to feel happy. Just get everyone to agree to 180 degrees in the oven or a short shift in the microwave, covered dishes only. Everyone brings serving spoons for their dish(es)
Make a little of what you love and share it with those that can enjoy it with you. People with genuine need will most likely be very grateful to feel safe and have something nice to eat in company ( trust me it’s a rarity as previously pointed out)

I wasn't lumping you in with the vegan in the Christmas dinner menu, I'd assume you'd be eating the turkey, wheat free stuffing, veg, potatoes, cranberry jelly, vegetable gravy with the rest of us. And I'd adapt the bread sauce so everyone could eat it. As to the yorkies, I was responding to someone who said "couldn't the coeliac just eat vegan (or vice versa)", and I was saying ti wasn't that simple. In practice, I'd do gluten free yorkies for most of us, and separate vegan yorkies for the vegan. Same with pigs in blankets, most of us with gluten free sausages, vegan sausages and bacon for the vegan.

Sorry for the derail but wondering if someone can link me to some useful info perhaps:

The huge increase in severe allergies is alarming and terrifying for the younger generations.
It seems to be getting worse each year.

What is being done to find out why it's happening and slow it down?

My niece has but allergy and I always cater to her because I love her. But BIL's gf is just an attention seeking fussy eater. She said she couldn't eat cheese and proceeded to eat half a box of Domino's cheesy pizza and took the rest home 🙄 and she has a list of things she wouldn't eat including carrot, onion, common ingredients. She also told DH she hates foreigners when DH picked her up to dinner at ours. I'm a foreigner. She is never invited back to ours.

I'm struggling to see why this is a problem - • Allergic to nuts & seeds - won’t eat anything that “may contain” just in case.

Why would you risk it?

I am now at the stage that, if I am hosting, then I provide what I provide and people can make their own grown up choices to eat, or not eat. Gone are the days when I became a stress-head just in case a serving spoon used by a vegetarian may have accidentally touched some meat, or whatever. If your choices are SO limited, I am happy for you to BYO, or forage in my garden for something acceptable.

It's hard but nothing you or they can do about it. Make it a bring and share so that people all bring something they like and can eat, and then eat bits of things others have brought as they can/want to?

I'd rather not feed them than Jill them

That's a bit mean. If you're a good cook you can cope with making some changes to stop someone getting very unwell.