To think that all the dietary requirements these days is taking the joy out of hosting?

[ChristmasMenuDrama]

Across my family and their partners, we have:

• Allergic to all fruit
• Allergic to nuts & seeds - won’t eat anything that “may contain” just in case.
• Allergic to Seafood
• Vegan
• Coeliac
• Legumes set off his IBS

And then there are other people who are just plain fussy like the person who won’t eat anything with cream, creamy, or that is too similar to cream in their opinion.

Then you factor in children and I start to lose the will to live.

I really try to be an accommodating host and I always find something everyone can eat eventually but is just me or is it getting worse?

It was fine when it was just one person with a “requirement” but a lot of the ones I have listed aren’t very compatible with each other.

It really takes the joy out of it when I have to keep vetoing things or replacing them with very expensive substitutes!

Don't cater to fussiness. Don't cater differently for children. The rest you can't do much about.

I mean you can give me milk if you like, but your bathroom is going to be occupied for quite a while. People don't tend to make this stuff up.

@Berga I’m not saying that they do! I’m saying that it’s hard!

Can't they take their own food? I wouldn't expect a host to have to deal with so many different requirements.
I'd feel safer with my own food too.

I get your pain OP.
But I'm also severely intolerant to dairy (over 20 years now). Most of the time I just don't eat anything at a gathering because there's nothing I can eat, so I eat beforehand or take a packet of crackers.
So I'm not sure what the answer is.

Allergies fine, no problem with taking the utmost care over allergens.

But preferences, temporary diets, aversions based on reading something on an alternative internet site, fads, unscientific rumours, pickiness….

I did a dinner for some old friends.
No red meat (but not veggie, just ‘not good for you’)
No wheat (no allergy / intolerance, it just might not be good for you, it’s glue…)
No dairy (not vegan, see above minus glue but add ‘it’s for calves not suitable for humans)
No chilli / hot spices (actual physical reaction)
No tomatoes (an inflammatory food)
Veggie (fair enough)
No aubergines, fish, ‘pink food’ including radishes, walnuts, mushrooms and other random foods (just don’t like)
And, once it was all prepared, two of them said;
Nothing cooked in Teflon (even though my Teflon pan is not at all scratched)

I sympathise. You want to accommodate everyone and ensure that nobody is ill, but it does make catering a chore, rather than a joy which is a shame for the host. My ds is lactose intolerant, his gf is vegetarian, my dd doesn’t eat anything spicy and her boyfriend is a coeliac with type one diabetes. I was doing well with a roast until ds’s gf came along! She is lovely and very accommodating and will happily eat a roast without the meat, but am still searching for the perfect dish that everyone can eat.
edited to add - DD’s boyfriend is allergic to sesame too.

Thank goodness. I don’t have friends who are fussy. Proper allergies, of course I’m super careful. Generally if you’ve people coming over and make enough different food everyone will find something they’ll eat.

Those of us dealing with multiple allergies usually offer to bring our own food but are generally breezily assured it'll be fine. They we arrive and it's really, really not fine. It's either not allergy friendly after all (the party with only cucumber was a low point), or it's accompanied by a huge amount of complaining about how hard it was. We know it's hard. We live with it daily.

I carry food in my handbag for DS these days.

DS had six allergens at one point, DD one but it was a different one.

Demanding what cooking equipment can or can’t be used is beyond ridiculous. At that point I would have just laughed that anyone would even begin to think it ok to make such a request

This 💯 %

I think at a certain point you have to just tell people that it's too difficult to cater to every unique need/preference and work together to find a solution. As a PP suggested, potluck is a good way around it. Either that or don't do a sit-down meal. Personally, I sometimes wish it were more common to have gatherings that weren't focused around food.

6 of the things you list are allergies or serious health issues, and veganism is a not exactly an extreme diet these days.

Can you really not find any enjoyment in cooking for these people at all? Isn't it a creative challenge to work out things that will work for everyone, and won't it give you the chance to try something different?

Of course it's easier if there are no allergies but people aren't inventing dietary requirements to irritate you.

Laugh I did, and said they had to be sure to invite me to their Teflon induced funerals (they had already eaten much of my carefully crafted Teflon contaminated dinner by the time Teflon was raised. )

I think this is a perfect idea. I’m always happy to bring a dish. It doesn’t need to be complicated. Being together and having fun beats the perfect sprout any day.

I don't think it's that hard if you make a variety of things which don't all have one of those things. Not everyone has to be able to eat everything. People can pick and choose what they eat. Just clearly label them as "nut free", "no fruit" etc. In a massive font. So people know the effort you went to!

You think hosting is joyless? Try having coeliac disease and having to meticulously plan all meals away from home. For the rest of your life. Often ending up with nothing or a bowl of olives (this actually happened) despite being assured there would be something safe. And having ignorant people slag you off for being "difficult". I would swap with you in a heartbeat.

I have a wheat allergy and it’s rubbish. I’m bored of trying to work out what I can eat / what I can’t / what to have for dinner. It limits eating out and suck the joy out of food!

You have my sympathy OP it’s very much annoying and sucks the fun out of cooking!

Maybe it's time to feed back to this group that you find catering for them a joyless chore and refuse to host from now on.

OP, I fully understand your situation. Both my sons are vegetarian and DIL is vegan so I tend to a 'Mediterranean Xmas' meal (stuffed vine leaves, vegan koftes, salad, hummus, cacik, salad, roast potatoes, chicken and paxo stuffing balls! Good luck with whatever you decide to do and people - stop being harsh on the OP!

Tbh I have to deal with my gluten free meals, DS's handful of severe allergies and DD's SEN beige eating.
I do sometimes want to cry in the supermarket. It's usually three different meals every night. Unless it's pizza.

I hope it becomes more normal for people to bring their own food and have it heated up at host’s house. Or to all order a takeaway so people can suit themselves (appreciate this may not work well for some allergies).

Tying yourself into knots trying to create a menu that works for everyone, is not too complex to prepare, and tastes nice is indeed joyless.

Yes I agree. It is pretty joyless now

It makes catering hard work instead of a simple pleasure - but I only cater for allergies rather than don't likes!

Last year, I'd taken huge care cooking for 15 meat eaters alongside 2 coeliacs... made sure every single item that I cooked was GF apart from 2 different gravies that were in different jugs. My Mum then took the 2 GF plates and covered them in the wheat based gravy ........ so this year I'm making GF gravy for everyone. Lesson learned.

Here here!
Also coeliac and recently went for a spa day with afternoon tea with my partner. Website clearly stated all dietary requirements were catered for and I made them aware when I booked. When it arrived it was laughable. No sandwiches, nothing savoury, just a tiny slice of lemon loaf cake, a small brownie and a coconut macaroon. My partner however had a lavish affair... I obviously complained.

OP, I always bring my own food or offer a dish to make it easier for the host. I know it can be annoying for those cooking and if I'm completely honest, I like to ensure I am going to get more than a plain chicken salad 😂