To think that all the dietary requirements these days is taking the joy out of hosting?

[ChristmasMenuDrama]

Across my family and their partners, we have:

• Allergic to all fruit
• Allergic to nuts & seeds - won’t eat anything that “may contain” just in case.
• Allergic to Seafood
• Vegan
• Coeliac
• Legumes set off his IBS

And then there are other people who are just plain fussy like the person who won’t eat anything with cream, creamy, or that is too similar to cream in their opinion.

Then you factor in children and I start to lose the will to live.

I really try to be an accommodating host and I always find something everyone can eat eventually but is just me or is it getting worse?

It was fine when it was just one person with a “requirement” but a lot of the ones I have listed aren’t very compatible with each other.

It really takes the joy out of it when I have to keep vetoing things or replacing them with very expensive substitutes!

It's really not difficult. Not everyone has to be able to eat everything!

I’d echo this. As a coeliac, I wouldn’t want a host to go to the bother of serving gluten free bread sauce/stuffing/yorkshire puddings, not least because they’re vile and I’d hate them to be inflicted upon anyone else. I’d be happy just with meat/potatoes/veg. Make gravy with cornflour.

But I wouldn’t serve nuts around a person with a nut allergy, for example.

not as tiring as it gets having to deal with just one of those issues day in, day out, not being able to just grab something to eat when you want, expensive alternatives, few take away and eating out options, feeling a burden then logging on here to find out you're considered tiresome!

Yes it is terribly difficult. We have a lot of food intolerances too, but they're non-negotiable. We doing "bring your own" christmas cooking as it just means people can eat what they need to eat and be happy. The old way just doesn't work any more.

All the people mentioning buffets, as a coeliac they're my worst nightmare unless entirely gluten free. I've seen too many people mix things up, use the same serving utensil for different dishes etc. I'd generally choose not to eat anything if the choice was a buffet.

Well that's the GF and vegan/s catered for. Not.

My couple of tips would be:

I would ditch the Yorkshires. No need for them with everything else and they're only for beef! #oldschool.

Also, roast the potatoes in coconut fat. GF, gets hotter than goose fat and the "slight" flavour is delicious.

You’re completely right OP. In one circle we have:

• FODMAP - no onions/garlic
• dairy free
• gluten free
• vegan

We just go out for dinner now - I ran out of patience trying to cater for the combination of dietary preferences (none of them allergies, some intolerances) nor the rage when the dairy-free people had a few glasses of wine and “just couldn’t resist” the cheeseboard.

Was going to agree until I read the list - allergies to seafood and nuts can be life threatening and coeliac disease is so life changingly limiting is it a recognised disability. Allergies are not merely food preferences and faddy eating.

YABU

Why can’t the gluten free people eat cheese/ nuts/ fruit/ shrimp cocktail, all of the mains except yorkies, and pavlova?

Honestly, vegans are the most difficult to cater for and I HATE having to do it. I always ask them to bring something. The stuffed mushrooms and samosas are fine, mains would be the veggies and carbs (I do my potatoes in olive oil and don’t use honey on my carrots and parsnips) but I just can’t think of an interesting and festive vegan main. They’re mutually exclusive to me. And dessert - well, back to the grapes and nuts, maybe roasted oranges or poached pears? Can you tell I’m still sore from last year’s vegans who aren’t even bloody vegan anymore 😡??

Cheese board. Put nuts and grapes and olives and crackers and celery/carrot sticks in separate bowls.
Stuff the coeliacs, vegans, fruit-avoider, the pulse-avoider and the nut-avoider

Shrimp cocktail.
Stuff the seafood-avoider, the vegan and possibly coeloac

mushroom tartlets/stuffed mushrooms in oven.
Stuff the coeliac and possibly the vegan and nut-avoider

MAIN:
Roast turkey/beef/chicken/baked salmon. Not vegan
Gravy. not vegan or coeliac-friendly
Yorkshire puds. - not vegan, not coeliac-friendly

DESSERT
Christmas pudding with custard Not vegan, nut-free or gluten-free
yule log, Not vegan or gluten-free
pavlova for dessert. - not vegan

It's really not difficult. Not everyone has to be able to eat everything!

So the vegan just gets veg, if they're not covered in animal fat, dairy fat or honey.
@Onlyonekenobe , well done.

I wouldn’t have nuts around someone so allergic they avoid “may contain..” foods but I agree with your suggestions otherwise.

@JustDeserts you think every aspect of a multi-course meal should be suitable for vegans? Do you think that’s reasonable? More or less reasonable than a vegan being upset that they’re only going to eat <gasp> vegetables, fruit and nuts??

We don't have that, luckily. No allergies. Dislike of eggs and mushrooms, a couple don't like seafood and one is veggie.

@Onlyonekenobe , no but you gave a lavish menu that was only suitable for a few of the guests.
Your menu would leave some only having a few pieces of veg, while others were tucking into a hearty 3-course Christmas dinner.

Won't eat mushrooms, olives, peas,

Only eats white or yellow food, IE banana, potatoes, bread

Will only eat goats cheese, not sheep or cows milk cheese

vegetarian but only likes certain vegetables and not others

And don't get me started on italians who only eat food from their own region

You're right, it takes the joy out of entertaining.

Allergies and medical conditions excluded.

It’s much worse if you actually have one of these conditions…

You have to live with the anxiety and fear of being seriously ill by eating just a tiny speck.
You have to check all the food labels. EVERY SINGLE TIME for the rest of yiur life.
You can’t just go out and socialise if food is involved - you have to research and plan meticulously beforehand. There is no fun or spontaneity.
You have to be brave enough to advocate for your own health by asking about cross contamination etc
You have to face eye-rolling or snarky comments every time you ask the necessary questions to ensure your food is safe.
You are left out of invitations to parties, weddings, social functions etc because, through no fault of your own, you have a dietary restriction.
You can’t just go off on holiday/gap year/hotels/B&B/pub etc as you might not be able to eat anything except safe foods like bananas!
You can’t just eat the cakes colleagues bring in - you have to sit and watch the others tuck in, increasing your sense of social isolation.

My daughter has Coeliac disease. A lifelong, serious autoimmune disorder.
I would do anything for a cure.
She wants to go on holiday with friends but they don’t want her to - it will mean they will have to search round for a suitable place to eat and even then she could get really ill for days if they have cross contaminated the food.
This has really damaged her self esteem and confidence.
She wants to go backpacking but what happens if she gets ill? Will she be able to find places to eat. Kitchens in hostels are likely to make her ill as gluten will be everywhere.
She has been bullied in school - “Ew X is diseased.”
She had years of terrible symptoms before she was diagnosed and still now suffers from iron deficiency. She is at high risk of developing cancer and osteoporosis.
She gets terrible anxiety going into a cafe/restaurant as she fears the reaction if she asks for gluten free and checks about cross contamination. She rarely goes out as a result.

It hurts me when relatives or friends exclude her because they can’t be arsed to put in effort, just for ONE day, to include her. She has to live with this EVERY day for the rest of her life and she hates it.

This could be a fast show plot

I don't cater for dietary requirements.

It is annoying, but I am one of those I can't have people. I can't have fatty food as I can't digest the fat very well. I'm diabetic so technically low carb too. In fact the only meal I can eat without issue is grilled fish and salad but I'm not eating that 2 meals a day for the rest of my life.

Trying to sort our Christmas menu has been a nightmare and there's only 3 of us.

They absolutely aren’t vile. I doubt anyone would notice the difference. You are reinforcing negative, and utterly wrong, stereotypes about GF food. It’s often nicer than muggle food. Certainly batters etc are better with GF flour - finer, lighter and more crispy.

Coeliacs can't because they're usually cross contaminated by other guests. Someone will slice a piece of cheese with a knife that's been used to slice bread. Or use a spoon that's been dipped in something with gluten to scoop up prawn cocktail. While someone looms over the buffet with a bread roll dangling precariously off the plate.

We hate it, too, trust me. I don't eat at events like that because I'll be in bed for two weeks throwing up with mind fog, and a nine month pregnant looking stomach.

Our friends very kindly host fully GF buffets. I'm immensely grateful. They also scrub their kitchens and send me photos of all ingredients when cooking a meal. I wish they didn't have to, trust me, and always offer to host. They insist it's no issue. I'm very grateful to have such kind people in my life.

Jesus, what a bunch of rude people.

There has been an interesting change in culture. At one time the generally accepted polite thing was to eat what you were given at a party and people with special requirements made do, in in some cases just didn't go to dinner parties if their diet was impossible to accommodate. Which seemed a bit of a bummer.

We've now put the onus on the host to find a way to accommodate as part of being a good host, but I think that's had unexpected effects where now people think that good hosts need accommodate even preferences or minor diets and things. And a surprising number seem not to hesitate to make demands that are really a lot of work for the host.

I also don't know how people get to be adults without understanding you can eat things you don't like that much without acting like a toddler.

"Allergic to nuts and seeds, Won't* eat anything that may contain just Incase"
*
Well - yes, obviously. I wouldn't be ramming anything that might kill me into my mouth either.

Potatoes?? Uhuh. CARBS!!

Snowflake ❄️

@floralgums, agree about the batter but generally, I avoid the freefrom.

Allergies fine, no problem with taking the utmost care over allergens. Yes but, I know a gluten avoider who is not a coeliac, and she suffers pain if she doesn't avoid wheat etc, and a friend who get diarrhoea if he has dairy.
I don't know how bad, but a nut-allergic friend would be hospitalised by a trace of nuts.
The help yourself dishes are potentially life-threatening.