Page 6 | To think that all the dietary requirements these days is taking the joy out of hosting?

ChristmasMenuDrama · 2024-12-18T19:37:36+00:00

Across my family and their partners, we have: - Allergic to *all* fruit - Allergic to nuts & seeds - won’t eat anything that “may contain” just in case. - Allergic to Seafood - Vegan - Coeliac - Legumes set off his IBS And then there are other people who are just plain fussy like the person who won’t eat anything with cream, creamy, or that is too similar to cream in their opinion. Then you factor in children and I start to lose the will to live. I really try to be an accommodating host and I always find something everyone can eat eventually but is just me or is it getting worse? It was fine when it was just one person with a “requirement” but a lot of the ones I have listed aren’t very compatible with each other. It really takes the joy out of it when I have to keep vetoing things or replacing them with very expensive substitutes!

Challas · 18/12/2024 23:10

I'd rejig the guest list and just not have them all at the same time. And the 'won't's can get stuffed. You've got an impossible combo going there.

TempestTost · 18/12/2024 23:14

CautiousLurker01 · 18/12/2024 22:19

Was going to agree until I read the list - allergies to seafood and nuts can be life threatening and coeliac disease is so life changingly limiting is it a recognised disability. Allergies are not merely food preferences and faddy eating.

YABU

Um, how does that work? Having very serious allergies involved surely makes the OPs problem even worse?

MagpiePi · 18/12/2024 23:16

Not forgetting that even if you do a buffet and label everything, some people will sneer at all the ‘fussiness’ but then be ‘oooh, the vegan/coeliac/nut free dish looks nice, I’ll just help myself to a huge portion’ until there’s nothing left for the people who it was provided for.

MrsCarson · 18/12/2024 23:34

Send out a list of what you are making and then add If you cannot eat any of these foods, please feel free to bring dishes from home.
Be sure to put all ingredients with each item.
For example.
Turkey, contains meat, salt, pepper.
Potatoes, cooked with salt, and in Lard, oil (just choose what you use)
Carrots, contain butter after cooking in water.
Etc etc.
Then you are covered and they are warned.
I'm Celiac, I'm making things I can't eat that have wheat in and will be kept separate to everything that is allowed. I'll also make a list of milk free items for another family member and will bake using Flora instead of butter for her s everyone can have that.

Lucy Long Socks · 18/12/2024 23:36

Tell them to bring their own dish

Tired88p85 · 18/12/2024 23:42

The vegan is fucking up everything there. Everyone else could easily be catered with a roast dinner.

Quite funny that the one screwing it all up is the one that actually has a choice.

5foot5 · 18/12/2024 23:46

MereDintofPandiculation · 18/12/2024 20:27

OP isn't trivialising allergies, so no need for the sarkie comments. She's commenting on the fact that allergies are way more common now. Even 30 years ago, neither my children nor their friends had food allergies, I knew one person at school who had a very minor strawberry allergy, But not there are so many allergies that it does make catering really difficult.

This. The OP asks "but is just me or is it getting worse?"

And @MrsWinslowsSoothingSyrup asked about this too.

I don't ever remember anybody having food allergies when I was growing up. The nearest thing to a dietary requirement when I was at school was a couple of children who were diabetic so they would often be provided with an alternative school dinner if the normal dish was deemed unsuitable.

But over the years the number of people with problems seems to have exploded. I suppose some of this can be accounted for by better diagnosis and awareness these days so that those who, at one time, would just be considered "a bit sickly" now have an explanation. But even so it feels like there are just more issues. Are there any explanations?

I know I have read somewhere the theory that some nut allergies may have been caused by parents not giving nuts to children early on and there was advice that some form of nut product be introduced to a baby's diet much earlier.

5foot5 · 18/12/2024 23:58

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-46302780
This article about the increase in food allergies mentions the theory I referred to above about peanut allergy may be avoided by being exposed to nut products during the first year of life

Why the world is becoming more allergic to food

Food allergy rates among children are on the rise, and Western lifestyles may be to blame.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-46302780

GiddyRobin · 19/12/2024 00:04

5foot5 · 18/12/2024 23:46

This. The OP asks "but is just me or is it getting worse?"

And @MrsWinslowsSoothingSyrup asked about this too.

I don't ever remember anybody having food allergies when I was growing up. The nearest thing to a dietary requirement when I was at school was a couple of children who were diabetic so they would often be provided with an alternative school dinner if the normal dish was deemed unsuitable.

But over the years the number of people with problems seems to have exploded. I suppose some of this can be accounted for by better diagnosis and awareness these days so that those who, at one time, would just be considered "a bit sickly" now have an explanation. But even so it feels like there are just more issues. Are there any explanations?

I know I have read somewhere the theory that some nut allergies may have been caused by parents not giving nuts to children early on and there was advice that some form of nut product be introduced to a baby's diet much earlier.

Show quote history

I honestly think it was just as bad then. My Grandad died of stomach cancer (which ignored coeliac can lead to), had awful issues all his life to the point he would live off tinned salmon for weeks. He absolutely had coeliac disease. My brother was a very sickly baby, always throwing up with terrible nappies. He has a milk allergy. If I look back in my family, so many of them died young or had some kind of poorly stomach.

My aunt is a coeliac too. The doctor put her on a diet of bread drenched in milk, and this was in the 60's. Suffered all her life and again - died of stomach cancer.

Both of my kids are coeliac too. Luckily these days we find out early. I was the first in my family to be diagnosed, and even then I had to push because I wasn't taken seriously. Told I had indigestion. I'm only mid thirties and I was early 20s then.

Illegally18 · 19/12/2024 00:39

AntiHop · 18/12/2024 19:50

You don't sound very nice.

I have two close friends who have food intolerances. I care about them and therefore I've taken great pleasure in making enjoyable meals that won't make them unwell. Surely that's what a decent person does?

Yeah, but the OP sounds as if she's having all 8 of these people and their requirements at the same time. Wit your two close friends it's much easier to deal with because there's just two of them. There 's a big difference between 2 requirements and 8. You don't sound very nice either.

MayaPinion · 19/12/2024 01:52

I think these allergies/intolerances always existed and people either worked out what foods to avoid or felt poorly a lot of the time.

GreenTeaLikesMe · 19/12/2024 01:59

There's life-threatening allergies. And then there are all the vague "intolerances" that plague my own dear family. Lovely people, all of them. But my goodness, they are awfully quick to ban foods from their lives based on not-a-terrific-lot-of-evidence. Often they get bored after a year or two. It all gets a bit tiresome, and makes eating out and hosting extremely difficult.

NotVeryFunny · 19/12/2024 02:32

Slightly off topic and obviously you can't tell this person what to do/eat, but I also have IBS set off by legumes, so I take these before a legume based meal:

https://www.dolphinfitness.co.uk/en/enzymedica-beanassist-30-capsules/165813

And this means I can eat everything. You might want to let them know.

Enzymedica BeanAssist £7.95 at Dolphin Fitness

In Stock, Enzymedica BeanAssist 30 Capsules, Multi-Buy Discounts and Special Offers

https://www.dolphinfitness.co.uk/en/enzymedica-beanassist-30-capsules/165813

Thevelvelletes · 19/12/2024 02:48

The allergies have to be taken seriously but the I don't like this that and the other that I couldn't be arsed with.
I'd be saying ok you've told me what you don't like.
So would you like to sodden tell me what you do like.. Aaaargh.

GreenTeaLikesMe · 19/12/2024 03:01

As for the OP: sorry, but I'd be suggesting we either eat out, or we do a potluck and people are doing to have to bring stuff. I have huge sympathy for the people with genuine medical issues (you'll forgive me if the "allergic to all fruit" sounds distinctly like bullshit, mind you) but it really isn't going to be easy or practical to provide food that everyone can eat in these circs.

Guest100 · 19/12/2024 03:01

I would plan what you want to make. Write a list of ingredients and let everyone know. If they want something other than what is being offered they can bring something.

PigInADuvet · 19/12/2024 03:09

Ultimate cheesy chips. Baked camambert (multiple!), chips, selection of chutneys. Etc vodka. Bon appetite. Get a vegan one for the vegan (my favourite is the La Fauxmagerie one which you can get in Waitrose).

ThatLimeCat · 19/12/2024 03:20

Yeah it is wanky and annoying, you're not alone. With baking for people at work, I don't worry about dietary restriction - I just do standard baking which works for most people. For events at home it's easier to do pot luck in my experience. E.g., we provide the meat for the BBQ, people bring vegetarian sausages and gluten free breads etc.

Garlicwest · 19/12/2024 03:32

Yeah. I've just made a gluten-free, dairy-free, nut-free, sulphite-free, vegan Christmas cake. That might not sound like too much of a stretch but it's actually been a nightmare finding ways around the vegan bit (I've had to use xanthan gum in the cake and CMC in the decorations). Cognac and Cointreau contain sulphites, Drambuie isn't vegan, so this cake is whisky-flavoured. It's taken longer, cost more and I don't think it's as nice as my usual offering.

Although this is going to have to become my usual offering if I want anyone under 40 to contemplate it 😬

PigInADuvet · 19/12/2024 03:37

PigInADuvet · 19/12/2024 03:09

Ultimate cheesy chips. Baked camambert (multiple!), chips, selection of chutneys. Etc vodka. Bon appetite. Get a vegan one for the vegan (my favourite is the La Fauxmagerie one which you can get in Waitrose).

Just noticed the autocorrect there 🤣

Etc. Vodka was meant to be et voila, but actually vodka might be a good shout

Happyinarcon · 19/12/2024 03:53

Bowlofhotslop · 18/12/2024 19:42

Just don’t bother, serve whatever you want and sling a bowl of epipens in the middle of the table. They are clearly just being awkward not wanting to die or shit themselves at the dinner table!

🤣 They should put EpiPens in the Christmas crackers!

Mydogisamassivetwat · 19/12/2024 04:10

I’m coeliac and I wouldn’t expect anyone to cater for me.

Even if you insisted, I would decline as I am positive your kitchen wouldn’t be safe for me, and It’s not worth being horrendously sick for days on end because someone used the same butter, the same chopping board or didn’t realise that a stock cube contained barley.

mathanxiety · 19/12/2024 04:11

Do a potluck.

Everyone brings their own dish. You provide some basics.

Mydogisamassivetwat · 19/12/2024 04:23

FloralGums · 18/12/2024 22:49

It’s much worse if you actually have one of these conditions…

You have to live with the anxiety and fear of being seriously ill by eating just a tiny speck.
You have to check all the food labels. EVERY SINGLE TIME for the rest of yiur life.
You can’t just go out and socialise if food is involved - you have to research and plan meticulously beforehand. There is no fun or spontaneity.
You have to be brave enough to advocate for your own health by asking about cross contamination etc
You have to face eye-rolling or snarky comments every time you ask the necessary questions to ensure your food is safe.
You are left out of invitations to parties, weddings, social functions etc because, through no fault of your own, you have a dietary restriction.
You can’t just go off on holiday/gap year/hotels/B&B/pub etc as you might not be able to eat anything except safe foods like bananas!
You can’t just eat the cakes colleagues bring in - you have to sit and watch the others tuck in, increasing your sense of social isolation.

My daughter has Coeliac disease. A lifelong, serious autoimmune disorder.
I would do anything for a cure.
She wants to go on holiday with friends but they don’t want her to - it will mean they will have to search round for a suitable place to eat and even then she could get really ill for days if they have cross contaminated the food.
This has really damaged her self esteem and confidence.
She wants to go backpacking but what happens if she gets ill? Will she be able to find places to eat. Kitchens in hostels are likely to make her ill as gluten will be everywhere.
She has been bullied in school - “Ew X is diseased.”
She had years of terrible symptoms before she was diagnosed and still now suffers from iron deficiency. She is at high risk of developing cancer and osteoporosis.
She gets terrible anxiety going into a cafe/restaurant as she fears the reaction if she asks for gluten free and checks about cross contamination. She rarely goes out as a result.

It hurts me when relatives or friends exclude her because they can’t be arsed to put in effort, just for ONE day, to include her. She has to live with this EVERY day for the rest of her life and she hates it.

I’m coeliac too. People don’t realise how difficult it can be.

Honestly, I just don’t eat outside my own home. It’s not worth it. Yes, a lot of places have gluten free mens, but you can’t stop cross contamination. It’s not worth it. I still go out with people, I just don’t eat. Which means that I don’t often get invited out as it makes people uncomfortable, even though I’m not bothered. But hey, them feeling uncomfortable is no way near as uncomfortable as I’d feel for days if I ingested gluten!

OneAmberFinch · 19/12/2024 07:09

MagpiePi · 18/12/2024 23:16

Not forgetting that even if you do a buffet and label everything, some people will sneer at all the ‘fussiness’ but then be ‘oooh, the vegan/coeliac/nut free dish looks nice, I’ll just help myself to a huge portion’ until there’s nothing left for the people who it was provided for.

So hosts are damned if they make something nice, and damned if they don't!

OP obviously it's an impossible situation! "Oh, just do everything as normal with no butter and GF Yorkshire puddings" sounds like a nightmare for anyone with no restrictions - to be honest, anyone with just one of the restrictions!

I used to be vegetarian and hated the way restaurants would make everything vegan AND GF AND nut free etc. Don't do that, please. You can make great meals with just 1-2 restrictions and that's why each person will individually assume you can do it, but in combination it's not possible. Tell them to bring a plate.