DH has brought a kitten home, I’m so upset 🙁

[Queenofheart]

All my life, I’ve never been a fan of cats.

Ever since we’ve been together, my DH has mithered for Cats, finally wore me down and a few months later we had two tiny kittens. They are indoor cats.

We’ve had them two years and I love them. The female follows me around everywhere, the minute I sit down or go to bed, she snuggles up to me, she’s never far from me. The male is very much like that with my SS. All good.

My DH has been mithering about getting another one, he’s on all these bloody Facebook websites and constantly showing me pictures and I am constantly saying no no no, so is my SS … I don’t want my two to be or feel pushed out.

Well, last night I got home and he’s brought a new kitten home. I’m absolutely devastated. Don’t get me wrong she’s absolutely beautiful, but my poor two cats have not been near me. They seem scared, run away, even though she is tiny, they are hissing. I picked up the female to cuddle her and she growled at my DH when he tried to stroke her , never in two years have I heard her do that? I’m absolutely gutted.

I’ve been really upset this morning and told my DH that it’s unacceptable what he’s done. He’s ruined the run-up to Christmas for me because I’m now upset for my two cats, who are hiding away, dramatic I know , but I’m really really pissed off with him. I now have to go to work and leave the three of them together in the house 😒

Has anybody been through this? Does it get better? 🙁

I have only skimmed the thread, so apologies if someone has already suggested this, @Queenofheart - but have you considered getting some Feliway, to help make your cats less stressed?

I meant I wouldn't be able to let him 'get rid of' the kitten now, even though I know the OP didn't really want her.

oh god, I've left all the doors in the house open for them to roam :(

It really worries me that you've gone out and left a tiny, defenceless kitten to roam in a house with two resident cats.

Please, please don't do that again. However angry you are at your husband, leaving a kitten alone with two strange adults could end in a fatality.

Most cats do not want other cats in the house. I think this is a mistake many cat lovers make. They love cats, they think their cats will love more cats. They don't. It ends up stressing out all the cats involved.
And obviously, he shouldn't have got another cat without your agreement.

It’s a cat, not a saber tooth.

I'm not sure I agree with this necessarily - if left to their own devices, cats do form colonies and will share resources and shelter.

The problems start because most homes don't have enough space for multiple unrelated cats, especially if there's no option to roam. Cats need lots of resources and the option to be apart and to pass each other without feeling threatened, and most homes just can't provide that.

I'm sure you're right but I'm just speaking from my own experience. My cats have always absolutely hated all other cats, unless they've been bonded since birth. I also have friends who keep getting more cats and the cats are completely stressed out. I know of two households where one cat stays upstairs and the other stays downstairs. I feel many people get more cats for themselves with the mentality of "the more cats the better" but they don't really understand cat psychology.

Oh, I agree lots of people just get cats without thinking of the practicalities, I just think the whole "cats are solitary animals" thing is a bit of a myth, really. Lots of people have multiple cats, after all.

I think the problems start when people don't invest in making their homes cat friendly - they just think cats are easy pets and don't think about providing what they actually need. We have three unrelated boys and while they have the odd hiss, we've never had a fight and 99% of the time they get along perfectly.

They do have free access to outside though, as well as tons of resources inside.

They're hiding because they imagine that where there's a kitten, an angry mother cat won't be far away. They'll settle. They may even become attached to and protective of the kitten. He shouldn't have done it, but now he has, the likelihood is that you'll settle into a comfortable 3 cat household and lots of extra cuddles.

I've had 3 cats for a long while, two cats for a long while before that, and two cats now for about 4 years. I wouldn't say 3 was noticeable worse that two. Have been up to 5 or 6 when friends became unable to look after their cats, and that was manageable but I wouldn't seek to do it.

Cats aren’t babies though. This kitten will find another family and live happily ever after.

You need to think long term and not just be led by the guilt of rehoming. Cats are sentient for sure, but she’ll be fine rehomed.

Your husband is a prick but I have a good friend who did this to her husband too. She loves her husband but ultimately thinks she knows best, so admittedly is selfish. But she’s a good person. People have different thought processes and I think this could be the case here, unless he’s usually selfish and thoughtless?

She’s devastated because her husband disrespected her and went behind her back to do something that they had already discussed and she had already said she did not want. He also put no thought into what it would mean for the existing cats and has no intention of introducing the kitten properly. His actions show a complete lack of regard for her. She’s said all this in her posts.

This is a relationship issue, not a kitten issue.

I'm surprised he managed to get one, most reputable breeders and shelters won't let people take animals during the Christmas period.

Probably brought off some random on Gumtree poor little thing, hopefully it's healthy, at least.

No decent shelter or breeder would send a kitten home unless they'd met all the family and knew they were on-board either.

Oh gosh, he really should have spoken to you first.
We have introduced kittens to older cats several times and it has always worked out fine. But it does take a while for them to adjust.

I'd be concerned about his blasé attitude to family pets; she's in, she's out, we'll just get rid!

OP, please tell us he is the one to clean the litter trays, arranges Vet appointments, microchipping, insurance, etc etc.
He does know they have to be chipped doesn't he?
Vets advise more than one litter tray if there is more than one cat in the house. It's actually suggested that you have the same number of trays plus one, as number of cats but that may be excessive.

Well it;s done now. Buy yourself a puppy and then youre square.
In reality set up a spare room ( you must have one as you said some adut children had keft home), Put in a covered bed, blanket spillproof water bowl and lots of cat crunchies, Open the window ( if you have screens or at least the blinds). Each of you go in 3 times a day and play and feed the kitten soft food. Bring a blanket from one of the other cats and swap with the blanket the kitten has been on.

After a few days put one of the other cats in with the kitten and watch
Or in reality do what the rest of the world does and just let them meet. . Millions of people have cats and kittens. It rarely ends in death and destruction. He hasn't brought home a leopard!.
If you really don't want it put it on your local facebook page and someone will snap it up in a few days. They are cats, Possibly the worlds most independent animals. Warmth, food, water , somewhere vaguely comfy and the occasional pat and lap to ssit on. I fail to see the drama but I have 9 pets so probs not the best person to ask. 😀 ( and in the country I live in pet insurance, particulary for cats is a rort). We have no insurance for our 9 pets at all.

This!

From experience, 3 cats is absolutely no different to 2. I do agree he really shouldn’t have brought the kitten home without your agreement & I would be extremely pissed off. I really don’t think it’ll be as bad as you fear. Give it a week and things will be ‘normal’.

Yeah we have. We had one and got another and the eldest changed completly, she became really anxious and nervous. Started sleeping on top of wardrobe. She did eventually come round and they'd play. Then the second one grew much bigger than her and would try play and the second changed back to the same as previously. Sadly, my second one was knocked down at a year and a half old. First cat has returned back to normal. It was really irresponsible of him to do that without you even agreeing to it. Why do his wants come before yours.

I hope he does take her back rather than dump her somewhere.

As a devoted animal-lover, I believe I've RTFT, but forgive me if I've missed anything.

OP, I don't know how house-proud you are, but a huge risk in this situation is that your resident cats will start weeing everywhere (being neutered doesn't stop this when a cat feels threatened) which is a smell that is almost impossible to get rid of. The kitten will smell this, and think that all of these areas are fair game to use for weeing too! So you could end up with a house that smells like a cat rehoming centre and a kitten that never learns to use a litter tray.

Honestly, the whole thing is disastrous - insist that the man you've unfortunately linked yourself to sorts this out at once.

YANBU - I done something similar and still feel horrible to this day. We had one happy cat and I kept thinking she needed a friend. My OH disagreed but I went against him and convinced him. Took us weeks to get them to get along which they did and eventually became really bonded and played all day. Cut to a few months later and we had the youngest spayed - older cat no longer regonised the kitten after the vet and attacked her it was AWFUL - youngest cat then started attacking older cat and this went on for weeks, tried everything it said online to try and bond them again but it was impossible. Older cat constantly growled, puffed up, hissed and done everything in her power to attack her every chance she got and vice versa. We eventually had to have the younger cat rehomed and it broke our hearts. I still miss her and regret not listening to my OH.

That was just our experience and alot of people can manage to rebond their cats but ours was impossible - it was such a stressful time and I would never own two cats again or if I did i would make sure I always took them both to the vets together every time one had any kind of surgery or check up.