Partners autistic son

[Dinero86]

So I don’t want to come across like I’m not understanding here, I just need some opinions or advice as I genuinely have no idea about this kind of thing and it’s really putting a strain on my relationship not understanding it.

so my partner is from London and moved down to Liverpool in July (off his own back I never asked for this). He has 3 children, 1 of them being an autistic 5yr old. He’s not majorly autistic but he is on the spectrum. Now as much as my partner is a good dad I do feel he doesn’t have ANY boundaries in place for his son. His son comes to visit and will cry to not go home, so he lets him stay and miss school no problem. His son follows him everywhere and goes everywhere with him. He has currently been down for 5weeks now, hasn’t been to school or anything, in which time I had a difficult pregnancy and miscarriage and had NO support cos again - the son was down and didn’t want to go back to his mums. My partner has his own place and so do I, so when his son is down I basically don’t get to see my partner and his son refuses to sleep alone so wants to co sleep in his dads arms all night. He also sits up til all hours playing on the Xbox with no routine. As much as I do love his son and will do anything for him I’m really struggling with the concept of not having any time alone with my partner, I had no support in my pregnancy, I lost my baby alone and even now in my greif I can’t even sit and talk to my partner without “dad, dad, dad”. Haven’t been able to cuddle, sleep next to or even have sex with my partner (sorry to be graphic) I know children should always come first but I am really starting to question if I can do this, there just seems to be no boundaries or discipline or managing of the situation. Am I being unreasonable to feel this way, is this a better way I could view it, what would anyone else do? I genuinely am just looking for advice as I don’t want know what to do. I can’t even speak to my partner about it as he gets defensive and starts shouting at me. He is wanting us to start a family and move in together but there’s absolutely no way I could handle this how it is.

It's funny that you describe his ex as a scrounger who doesn't parent these children well, and yet I would describe your partner as being the same.
Why are you tolerating in him, what you can't in others?
You have the potential to have children. The most important thing you can do for your future children is pick them a good father. That's all you need to do. Stand back and ask yourself if this is what you are doing currently.

This is a family I would not touch with a barge pole. You and your child will never be a priority.

There are plenty more fish in the sea regarding a partner. I am very sorry for the loss of your baby, which of course makes things more complex in your mind, but he's not the partner for you.

she slept with him then blackmailed him months lying she was pregnant.

The phrasing of this is fascinating. ‘She slept with him’, as opposed to ‘he slept with her’ or ‘the two of them had sex’. You’re phrasing it like it’s something she did to him, as opposed to an act in which he participated. The poor thing fell into cockfirst, did he? And was somehow unable to use protection.

So, this prince of a man:

• Has no actual employment;
• Isn’t even bothering to do his occasional work;
• Gets you to pay for everything;
• Smokes weed (paid for with what money, by the way?)
• Is a neglectful parent (not sending his child to school is neglect);
• Had multiple kids with a woman who is apparently vile;
• Will still happily have sex with said woman; and
• Shouts at you.

But you love him and want to move in with him despite all of this.

This will end well.

He is not your partner, he is a casual boyfriend you have only known for a year.

Why in the heck aren't you using multiple forms of contraception????

Surely you can't be planning to be having a child by a man you aren't married to, barely know and who already has produced three human beings, one of which has significant special needs??????

This is a shitshow, as you say. Just walk away. Don't become another woman shackled by finances & a poor misbegotten child to a complete loser of a man.

Which he is, whether or not you choose to see that.

You need to end this. You have zero future.

Ideally but they are already getting pregnant, if it wasn't for the miscarriage which is unfortunate there would be another child in the mix.

Whilst sad the miscarriage can at least allow OP to have a clean break if she decides to end the relationship.

Seriously, don't you WANT a better situation and better father for any children you may have? Why would you saddle your offspring with this horrible scenario???

The more Op posts the more it sounds like rage-baiting in my opinion

Why on earth would you want a family with this shit show of a man who can’t parent, is lazy, stays up, not supportive and lets you pay for everything. Honestly I’m baffled how can anyone want someone like that.

I just read your other thread and I’m going to link it here because what the actual fuck, OP?! https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5222290-miscarriage-and-breakup-advice-was-i-in-the-wrong?reply=140254932

A father absolutely should put his children before his relationship.
He's not doing this though. He didn't put his child first when he moved across the country away from him. He isn't putting his child first by keeping him off school and playing xbox with him all day. This man does whatever he feels like doing and at the moment that is sitting on his backside all day, and you are facilitating that.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand you are grieving and probably dreaming of a future where you have your own child and family. But this is not the right man to have a baby with. Get out now, before your stuck with him as a co-parent

Read this over a time or two, @Dinero86.

This dude does not sound like a winner.

I fell in love with a guy like him once, but my common sense got in the way — I just couldn’t picture myself spending the rest of my life working and paying all the bills and watching him be a complete and total fuckup.

I still think about him occasionally, but I have no doubt that I made the right decision by walking away.

Think about what your future will look like.

Oh come on!

He's a total loser. And if he's not paying his way you're paying for his weed as well!

He has three children who he has moved away from. One isn't going to school

Both the parents are feckless and useless. I'm sorry you lost your baby but what are you thinking bringing another one into this shitshow?

Please, please dump his arse and raise your bar. There are decent men out there. He isn't one of them

I was going to say this all sounds very Jeremy kyle and to run as fast as you can but on reading your other thread it's taken a more sinister turn. Non of this is normal or healthy, please take some steps to remove yourself from this man safely.

It can be very very different raising an Autistic child to an NT one. You often don't end up parenting the way you wanted and expected to. Needs like these are one of the reasons I won't be getting into a relationship before my DC finish high school. What they need isn't compatible with any sort of relationship beyond friends with benefits. This situation sounds seriously messed up and incompatible with him having a real relationship with you. You would be better off without and he needs to focus on his kids. I'm sorry for your loss OP, there's a lot of heartache in this relationship for you. Things aren't going to change, it could be years before he's in a place to have a supportive 2 way relationship.

Holy shit, OP. Just read your other thread. BLOCK HIM AND LEAVE. You're in for a lifetime of misery if you stay with him. Thank god you don't have a shared home/family with this absolute prick weasel. Break the cycle and get together with a sensible man.

Just read your other thread op. You know you should not even be entertaining this thug. End the relationship, keep yourself safe. There is nothing here even worth unpicking or working out.

He also sits up til all hours playing on the Xbox with no routine.

He's not a good dad.

Why are you even getting pregnant with someone who doesn’t work, smokes weed all day and spends all night gaming while you act like a doormat paying for this mess? Read your own posts back. For goodness sakes have some dignity and Just end it. You’re being a complete mug. The mother may well be vile but you are looking pretty desperate if this is your idea of a normal relationship. Sorry, you need harsh. Wake the hell up! This isn’t your circus. You can like the man as much as you like but it doesn’t mean you have to behave like a bloody idiot.

The thing is though, you say this bit you STILL got pregnant with him.

And you're still with him.

He had 3 kids with the mother of his children. You say she has 8 to raise. She sounds VULNERABLE. Not bad. Just vulnerable. Can you imagine the fuss he would kick up if she showed up to collect her son? And how's she supposed to get childcare for the other kids and money enough to come down anyway? And what would be the point t if he'll only take the son back agai n and repeat the process? And why should she have to?

HE is the child's father. Yet you're blaming her for not making him send the kid to school? Do you get how mysoginistic that is op? Even YOU cant make him do anything, how do you expect his ex too?

Maybe she's scummy, but you don't know her life. Maybe if youd had 8 kids, 3 to your waste of space mist recent ex, you'd be a fucking mess too. Maybe she can't afford to get her teeth fixed, because she's looking after 8 kids! Does he pay child support?

Maybe she was drinking from a baby bottle, in her own home, because it was clean. Do you think think you could wash up after 9 people 24/7? Think that would be easy? Think it would be cool for other people to judge you because at the end of the day the only bloody clean thing in the house, before you start yet another round of dish washing, is the babies bottle? How fucking miserable that life must be. Even without the judgement of some random woman who thinks she has the right to judge because she has...drumroll please - your exs opinion of you, and seen you once on Skype. I mean ffs op 🙄

Just, hold the judgement a bit. Because you know what it sounds like. It sounds like he given you the 'my ex is bad and crazy' shit and you're lapping it up. Like the typical new partner of an ex who has no idea what you were put through. Don't be so eager to shame her. You've known him 5 minutes and already he's breaking you apart. She was with him for years. The poor cow.

This can't be real. He's a boyfriend at best, had a baby less than a year old when he set up shop with @Dinero86 and happily popping out another while he has no job, smokes weed and plays xbox all day.

@Dinero86 You are very judgemental of the mother of his kids, he's useless himself. Had you had a child with him he'd have 4 that you know about, be a sponger and a drug user but you are OK with that? Good grief. How can you be so stupid

*So, this prince of a man:

• Has no actual employment;
• Isn’t even bothering to do his occasional work;
• Gets you to pay for everything;
• Smokes weed (paid for with what money, by the way?)
• Is a neglectful parent (not sending his child to school is neglect);
• Had multiple kids with a woman who is apparently vile;
• Will still happily have sex with said woman; and
• Shouts at you.

But you love him and want to move in with him despite all of this.* By @ThatTealViewer

Dear god, love - where is your self respect?????

You are worth so much more, so much better than this miserable existence with this godawful parasite.

How in the name of sanity do you not see this?

I am so sorry for your loss. And for his utter failure to do the bare minimum for you.

Please wake up.

This is going to sound harsh but do you really lack respect for yourself so much that you think the best you deserve is a jobless loser who can’t even provide the bare minimum for his kids, with another jobless loser with 8 kids hanging around in the background? He sounds absolutely appalling, even if he has some good qualities how can look past these bad ones? He sounds like something off the Jeremy Kyle show. Why you’d want to bring another baby into this shit show is beyond me. Dump this cretin and get some therapy to understand why you were attracted to this lowlife in the first place.

Ontop of is he isn’t even going to work whilst his son is down, so I am left paying for everything for them both as he doesn’t have a penny to his name.

^

Plus terrible parenting??

Wtf op.

Get rid