Partners autistic son

[Dinero86]

So I don’t want to come across like I’m not understanding here, I just need some opinions or advice as I genuinely have no idea about this kind of thing and it’s really putting a strain on my relationship not understanding it.

so my partner is from London and moved down to Liverpool in July (off his own back I never asked for this). He has 3 children, 1 of them being an autistic 5yr old. He’s not majorly autistic but he is on the spectrum. Now as much as my partner is a good dad I do feel he doesn’t have ANY boundaries in place for his son. His son comes to visit and will cry to not go home, so he lets him stay and miss school no problem. His son follows him everywhere and goes everywhere with him. He has currently been down for 5weeks now, hasn’t been to school or anything, in which time I had a difficult pregnancy and miscarriage and had NO support cos again - the son was down and didn’t want to go back to his mums. My partner has his own place and so do I, so when his son is down I basically don’t get to see my partner and his son refuses to sleep alone so wants to co sleep in his dads arms all night. He also sits up til all hours playing on the Xbox with no routine. As much as I do love his son and will do anything for him I’m really struggling with the concept of not having any time alone with my partner, I had no support in my pregnancy, I lost my baby alone and even now in my greif I can’t even sit and talk to my partner without “dad, dad, dad”. Haven’t been able to cuddle, sleep next to or even have sex with my partner (sorry to be graphic) I know children should always come first but I am really starting to question if I can do this, there just seems to be no boundaries or discipline or managing of the situation. Am I being unreasonable to feel this way, is this a better way I could view it, what would anyone else do? I genuinely am just looking for advice as I don’t want know what to do. I can’t even speak to my partner about it as he gets defensive and starts shouting at me. He is wanting us to start a family and move in together but there’s absolutely no way I could handle this how it is.

A difficult pregnancy and miscarriage in 5 weeks?

Yes. It was a PUL, severe pain on my right ovary where I had a cyst, in and out of hospital checking HCG levels where going how they should until they reach 1500 when it should be visible via scan. Finally it was and was confirmed it wasn’t ectopic and I had been a lot earlier than suspected due to probably ovulating later with the morning after pill, not long after that I miscarried. That enough personal information for you my love? Since that message seemed to indicate you found it hard to believe?

No, my message wasn’t meant to indicate that at all. I was wondering if you'd had a difficult pregnancy, given birth and then suffered a miscarriage afterwards also because women are extremely fertile after giving birth.
I'll give you my personal information in exchange since you set the bar you assumed I was coming at.
Second pregnancy, baby seen on an early scan (done due to bleeding) at 7 weeks showing a beautiful little heartbeat but how they dated the pregnancy was wrong by my own dates. I got to the 12 week scan and was told that my baby had died two weeks earlier (missed miscarriage). I was in complete shock. I was sent to EPU for a scan. Dead baby. I didn’t want the surgical option so I waited it out for two weeks carrying a dead baby inside of me hoping that it would come away on its own. Didn’t happen. I then had to have the oral tablet then the internal tablets I chose to insert myself rather than the EPU staff doing it (I'm a rape victim). Before I even left the hospital I was pouring with blood all over the floor and I felt ashamed that they had to clean it up. When I got home I stood in the bath while blood continued to pour out of me and then spent 4 hours in utterly horrendous pain on my hands and knees (my parents had to take my 6 month old overnight). Then I was finally able to push and the sac landed in my hand. That was my baby.
Don’t assume that posters are on the attack.
I had another miscarriage too. I could detail that for you too or do you think that's quite enough now?

What the hell are you doing OP? This man moved to Liverpool when he has small children living in London. He lets his 5 year old stay up all night playing Xbox and doesn’t send him to school??? He sponges off you. This man is an absolutely awful father and partner. Why on earth would you be getting pregnant with him? Instead you should be calling social services!

He’s a poor excuse for a man and you’re a fool for putting up with his behaviour. Walk away now and don’t look back. Next time don’t move a man into your home until you have a ring on your finger and you both decide you have a future together. Are you so desperate for a man that you will put up with his crap?
You’re very quick to blame his ex but he’s the one who got her pregnant three times. You do realise he probably has a type! Can you see any similarities between yourself and the ex? Perhaps she had three children with him because she loved him too. Until she didn’t ! Don’t be like her! Walk away!

I am so glad you have finished the relationship. You are worth more, you seem to have lost sight of yourself because of this man.

Now you can rebuild your self esteem and move on. You have a lot going for you by the sound of things, own business, home, car, etc. A woman of substance!

Many of us on here have sold ourselves short over a man in the past - but we learn and things get better. They will for you!

Congratulations on what you have achieved by ending it, 2025 will be be a new start for you.

This is how your partner raises his son. This is information you have.

It is now your choice whether you want to be a step parent in this or not.

Personally this would be a deal breaker - other people would make different decisions. But I don’t see this going well for you if you try force him to spend less time with his son (what sending him to his mother’s would do, or enrolling the kid in school). You might make things better for him and his son by intervening (cause this doesn’t sound good for the kid) - but you’d likely build resentment of you.

Let us rejoice that it is now over and the op is about to have a good life again.