Page 3 | Divorce SUCKS

WineNeededPlease · 2024-12-17T18:48:23+00:00

My Husband has multiple affairs, just about destroys my mental sanity and I'm the one that will potentially lose my home and have to downsize with two children and start again. However, he earns mega money and can be pleased to go on and live life and rebuild to the level we've been at. It seems so unfair that men can do this... Quick call from a divorce lawyer and turns out I really cannot afford to leave him and will probably have to keep trying until I break in half. 😔

Original poster

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 20:51

@superplumb so true! Shocking! And I never asked for any of it. Hope you're okay ❤️

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Original poster

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 20:54

JHound · 17/12/2024 20:17

What about your mental health OP and the message you are sending the kids?

I was the child in this. My father had repeated affairs….and children from those affairs and did not give two flying f*cks about my mother begging him to be better.

In the end she gave up. We were in a far worse position than you (as in literally no food in the house at times and spent a year technically homeless) but she said she had to leave for her self-respect and because of the message she was sending to her sons about the kind of men they should be and her daughters about what kind of treatment they should tolerate….

Fast forward years later and she is very comfortable in life, happily remarried for decades to my wonderful step-dad who was also an amazing influence on my brothers.

It sounds like financially you won’t struggle you just won’t have what you do now. What’s more important?

Also begging a man to stop cheating never works. If he wanted to stop he would have done so.

I'm sorry to hear this, but also what a wonderful inspiration your Mum is to you all.

My sons ADORE my husband 😔

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Original poster

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 20:57

Thank you to you all who have posted. I just need to find that inner strength but honestly, I just want to curl up and cry. I'm so done with this. It's been 10 years of pain and this is the last knife. I wish I'd never met him.

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MyPithyPoster · 17/12/2024 20:58

This was me in 2013.
Today I own three houses outright paid for, I just bought one daughter a car a crap car but it’s a car. I paid for driving lessons and driving tests for the other two.
We had six months on the absolute bones of our arses.
He took me to court numerous times and wasted every penny of the 60 grand equity in our house on Lawyer ‘s fees.

I will never trust another man again after the shitty put me through.
But financially, I’m fine.

CandiedPrincess · 17/12/2024 20:58

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 20:57

Thank you to you all who have posted. I just need to find that inner strength but honestly, I just want to curl up and cry. I'm so done with this. It's been 10 years of pain and this is the last knife. I wish I'd never met him.

Then don't waste any more time. You've got this.

Original poster

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 21:06

MyPithyPoster · 17/12/2024 20:58

This was me in 2013.
Today I own three houses outright paid for, I just bought one daughter a car a crap car but it’s a car. I paid for driving lessons and driving tests for the other two.
We had six months on the absolute bones of our arses.
He took me to court numerous times and wasted every penny of the 60 grand equity in our house on Lawyer ‘s fees.

I will never trust another man again after the shitty put me through.
But financially, I’m fine.

Thank you! Needed this! Hope you're okay now?

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Viviennemary · 17/12/2024 21:09

You can stay and be unhappy but comfortably off. Or you can prepare yourself for financial hardship on your own. Only you can make that choice. Have you done your sums.

MyPithyPoster · 17/12/2024 21:10

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 21:06

Thank you! Needed this! Hope you're okay now?

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We’re great.
My kids adored their father back then now they take the piss out of what a sorry character is.
I can give you so many tips as to how to handle this better than I did. I reacted far too much every time he pulled another stunt. I went bananas and screamed and shouted and sent shitty texts.
I wish I’d done the Grey rock technique google it. It’s brilliant.

strawberry2017 · 17/12/2024 21:11

Going through it now and in the nicest possible way you need to let yourself have a good cry and then put your big girl pants on and move things forward.
Tell your family and friends the truth; you will be surprised by the support available from them. Your home is just bricks, you can make anywhere a home; it's about the people in it not where you are. ( I am losing my home as well, you have to find a way to detach)
Yes things will change, yes things will be hard to start with but you deserve so much better and so do your children. Do not let them grow up thinking this is acceptable behaviour. You can do this, and you will be so much happier when you are through it all. You will be entitled to more than you think, part of his pension, maintenance for the kids, equity. Downsizing is nothing when you get to wake up and be respected in your own home,

Original poster

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 21:11

@MyPithyPoster yes, please do.

I don't want my kids to hate their Dad 😔

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Original poster

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 21:12

strawberry2017 · 17/12/2024 21:11

Going through it now and in the nicest possible way you need to let yourself have a good cry and then put your big girl pants on and move things forward.
Tell your family and friends the truth; you will be surprised by the support available from them. Your home is just bricks, you can make anywhere a home; it's about the people in it not where you are. ( I am losing my home as well, you have to find a way to detach)
Yes things will change, yes things will be hard to start with but you deserve so much better and so do your children. Do not let them grow up thinking this is acceptable behaviour. You can do this, and you will be so much happier when you are through it all. You will be entitled to more than you think, part of his pension, maintenance for the kids, equity. Downsizing is nothing when you get to wake up and be respected in your own home,

❤️❤️❤️

So true. It's just so fucking shit. I resent him for this pain.

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TiramisuThief · 17/12/2024 21:15

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 20:54

I'm sorry to hear this, but also what a wonderful inspiration your Mum is to you all.

My sons ADORE my husband 😔

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Of course they adore him. They are children. It's not a reason to stay.

Children often adore the parent who is less available, less loving, less present because they are insecurely attached to them.

Make the break OP, it will be better for all 3 of you.

AlertCat · 17/12/2024 21:16

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 21:11

@MyPithyPoster yes, please do.

I don't want my kids to hate their Dad 😔

Mine loves hers, but she does see him for what he’s like now (luckily, not the full extent and I hope she never sees that). You can’t stop that; unfortunately, these people dig their own holes and assume their kids will keep falling for it. That would not be different even if you stayed with him. By letting you down he lets them down.

Original poster

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 21:17

@TiramisuThief really? Do you think that? They're obsessed with him! He's never around... my eldest is becoming more attached with me. But I am there every minute of the day, I adore them and they just worship him.

He's a good Dad though and I wonder if I'm just a bit rubbish sometimes. I can't perform all the time.

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Harrumphhhh · 17/12/2024 21:20

You CAN afford it and you WILL be fine.

What really helped me was working out the ‘worst case scenario’. For me, that would have meant moving in with my mum (who is lovely) or buying a two bed in a crap area (not ideal, but a roof over our heads).

In the end, I didn’t have to do either of those things, and I’m now lying in the bath, in my OWN house, with savings in the bank and two happy boys tucked up in their bedrooms.

My DC were 5&8 when we split. The younger one can’t really remember life before this, which is sad for me, but not really for him. The older one found it hard. Given the chance again, I’d do it at the sorts of ages yours are, but I WOULD do it.

Life is sooooo much better now: no more resentment, no more wondering where he is (or who he’s with), no more gaslighting. Just me, my boys and our lovely new life.

You can do this.

Original poster

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 21:20

I feel like the boys adore him and I'm breaking them up. The guilt is real.

I want to stay for them. I really do.

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GivingitToGod · 17/12/2024 21:21

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 21:12

❤️❤️❤️

So true. It's just so fucking shit. I resent him for this pain.

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These emotions are all so real for the situation you are in OP
You are dealing with a rollercoaster of emotions right now. Have you ever phoned the Samaritans? I have used them several times in the past, day and night and I found their support invaluable. You can phone anytime of day or night and you can just cry your eyes out with them if it helps.
Just a suggestion for your darkest moments.
Take care OP, we are all sending you strength

Original poster

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 21:21

Harrumphhhh · 17/12/2024 21:20

You CAN afford it and you WILL be fine.

What really helped me was working out the ‘worst case scenario’. For me, that would have meant moving in with my mum (who is lovely) or buying a two bed in a crap area (not ideal, but a roof over our heads).

In the end, I didn’t have to do either of those things, and I’m now lying in the bath, in my OWN house, with savings in the bank and two happy boys tucked up in their bedrooms.

My DC were 5&8 when we split. The younger one can’t really remember life before this, which is sad for me, but not really for him. The older one found it hard. Given the chance again, I’d do it at the sorts of ages yours are, but I WOULD do it.

Life is sooooo much better now: no more resentment, no more wondering where he is (or who he’s with), no more gaslighting. Just me, my boys and our lovely new life.

You can do this.

Thank you. The best thing I've read.

Thank you ❤️.

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Tubetrain · 17/12/2024 21:21

What do you do for work and how quickly can you improve your earning power?

Original poster

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 21:23

@GivingitToGod

Thank you, I've actually seen a therapist every week for 3 years. Which may make me seem like I'm mental but it's been my only saving grace but it's not sustainable. She's fabulous.

I just really don't want to fuck my boys up. It's the classic - do I wait or do it when they're older.

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GivingitToGod · 17/12/2024 21:23

Harrumphhhh · 17/12/2024 21:20

You CAN afford it and you WILL be fine.

What really helped me was working out the ‘worst case scenario’. For me, that would have meant moving in with my mum (who is lovely) or buying a two bed in a crap area (not ideal, but a roof over our heads).

In the end, I didn’t have to do either of those things, and I’m now lying in the bath, in my OWN house, with savings in the bank and two happy boys tucked up in their bedrooms.

My DC were 5&8 when we split. The younger one can’t really remember life before this, which is sad for me, but not really for him. The older one found it hard. Given the chance again, I’d do it at the sorts of ages yours are, but I WOULD do it.

Life is sooooo much better now: no more resentment, no more wondering where he is (or who he’s with), no more gaslighting. Just me, my boys and our lovely new life.

You can do this.

Great that you have such a happy ending!
Thank you for sharing

TiramisuThief · 17/12/2024 21:24

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 21:17

@TiramisuThief really? Do you think that? They're obsessed with him! He's never around... my eldest is becoming more attached with me. But I am there every minute of the day, I adore them and they just worship him.

He's a good Dad though and I wonder if I'm just a bit rubbish sometimes. I can't perform all the time.

Yes definitely.

You are solid, reliable, constant. The children feel safe to "ignore" you when he is around because it's so rare.

He's a novelty. You are the backbone of the family.

Original poster

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 21:24

@GivingitToGod and massively appreciated as feel like I'm on the edge. I know I'm strong but honestly, I'm in the darkest hour.

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GivingitToGod · 17/12/2024 21:25

TiramisuThief · 17/12/2024 21:24

Yes definitely.

You are solid, reliable, constant. The children feel safe to "ignore" you when he is around because it's so rare.

He's a novelty. You are the backbone of the family.

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THIS

Original poster

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 21:25

@TiramisuThief they do. They don't ever want me, never at bedtime - they just want him all the time! They scream when he leaves. It makes me feel terrible.

My youngest has real anxiety when he's goes away as he's away so much 😣

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