Pissed off at sister's snobby comment

[Ontherocksthisyear]

This happened a couple weeks ago, but it has really annoyed me the more I think about it. I haven't come out and said its annoyed me, but I wish I had at the time. It's also not the first comment like this she has made.

Anyway, I have just finished a masters. Not that it maybe matters but I did this while being a mum to my DD, being pregnant with my DS (I had terrible nausea all throughout my pregnancy). This master also included placements, so it wasn't just a case of sitting at home writing essays. So I was massively proud of myself and hugely relieved when I finally finished and got my degree.

Anyway, I was out for my birthday lunch with my family and told my sister that I had finished and passed my course, she congratulated me. We were then discussing which uni her son was thinking of going to, I mentioned the one I had just got my degree from (not the best uni in the world granted, but not bad either). Bare in mind my nephew wants to stay fairly local because of health issues, so it's either the one in his city, or the one I mentioned (neighbouring city), or another uni in a neighbouring city.

When i mentioned this my sister screwed up her face and said pretty bluntly 'it's not a very good uni is it', I then said 'well it depends on what you study, it is great for certain sciences and the programme i was on is one of the best in country' she then screwed up her face again as if she thought I was talking a load of shit and reiterated how it wasn't a good uni.

Anyway, I am quite annoyed. I understand she wants the best for her son... but she knows I have literally just got a degree from here. I mean, I literally just told her and she congratulated me. Is this rude of her?

What's the uni and the course? I am genuinely curious, don't think I have ever seen such requirements and would love to know

No I think you are niche and you seem desperate to prove that it doesn’t matter at all where you go to university when it does, hence why so many parents are so keen on getting their kids into the top institutions.

I mean, parents are not always be best judge of these things. There's a significant amount of research that suggests parents knowledge of education and the labour market are not up to date.

University choice, student experience and graduate outcomes are not as straightforward as you're suggesting. And employers are starting to understand this. Thankfully.

Despite your views, people who do really well at school don’t tend to go to the lower ranked unis - people will usually aim higher than this.

It's far more nuanced than this.
For example, high achieving students from low socioeconomic backgrounds or who are first in family to attend university are less likely to attend a higher ranked university.
They will often choose their local institution regardless of ranking.

There's emerging evidence that these groups in particular don't even look at rankings and league tables when choosing a university.

She’s slagging off the uni not you

Yes it was insensitive and rude. I'd be annoyed too.

Something similar happened to me, I did a degree a few years ago in a field that's not usually academic as such, it's related to my work. But it's still a degree. I got the highest possible grade and was delighted until a family member said that most people doing this degree wouldn't be the strongest academically so it was probably easier to get a high grade in. Perhaps there is a little truth in this but it was still a shitty thing to say.

She's well jel of course! 🤢

So true. Of my group of closest friends, 3 went to Russell Group, one didn’t. Guess who has had the most successful career directly related to the vocational course she studied?

There’s no truth in that - your grade isn’t relative to the others on your course.

She's well jel !!! 😄

I'd do the non RG uni. He can always go to a RG uni for postgraduate studies if he wants the prestige of the name (which honestly means sod all!).

My youngest DC was always shit at exams and never reached their full potential. With Covid, didn't get to sit GCSEs or AS levels. Fell short of first choice uni.

However, in the last two years DC has been in 1st class territory because uni works for them way better than school did!

It was unfair of me to describe the university in the way I did, it has changed a lot since I was a student decades ago.

The university is Warwick and the course is MORSE (Maths, Operational Research, Statistics & Economics) and there are related courses of Maths & Statistics and Data Science that have the same requirements.

There are other offers made, especially if you have done well in an entrance exam (eg STEP or TMUA), but generally speaking, A* in maths is always required.

https://warwick.ac.uk/study/undergraduate/courses/bsc-morse

Yes! School exams can be so intense, especially when they're taking so many subjects all at once and still having to do normal lessons! I personally think the exam system in schools/colleges need to change; when I tutored uni students, so many were convinced they weren't academic because they'd struggled at A-Level. Turned out they were absolutely fine and bright...it was just the school system that had made them insecure!

I'm made up for your DC! I bet it's a massive weight off their shoulders to realise how different things are in uni!

Unless the "prestige" is directly linked to the specific course he's taking, I would go for the non-RG one. In your example, four years of film studies and a masters in film making seems like waste of time (and money) compared to doing the film making course. Courses like that in contemporary subjects rarely have much to do with the historical prestige of a university, they will have much more specific reputations within the relevant industry, and that's what he'd be best looking at when deciding.

Thank you very much for the link - that's a rarity!

Extremely rude, I don’t get all this snobbery around Universities. My daughter applied, got offers & decided on her 1st choice. Her teachers at Sixth Form were shocked & said she should go to a far better one, well the one she applied to is the one she wanted for the course, the location & the accommodation. It’s actually the same one I went to 20 yrs ago & I’ve done well in my career!

Exactly this. A lot of MNers work in recruitment or in diversity/social mobility jobs/initiatives and are at the coal face.

It's not about bragging rights for parents.

Warwick is most certainly not a 'minor university'

As I said, yes, it was unfair of me say that, but I was more thinking back to when I was a student myself forty years ago - times have changed.

Which also goes to the point that other posters have made about parents opinions on particular universities.

Completely unnecessary and rude.

As another pp has said just insensitive rather than nasty in my opinion. Lots of people think of universities as one entity so Edinburgh Oxford Cambridge London Durham....then they struggle with the others place in the list whereas quite often say York/Sunderland might excel in computer science but are lacklustre in Literature.
But unless you know you literally don't unless you dig deep.
Personally I'd give her a pass on this (if it's a one off).

Your sister sounds envious.

I would just ignore the rudeness this time but it it happens again call her out on it.

Congratulations Ontherocksthisyear on your pass!

@Ontherocksthisyear is this your sister! 😂