Pissed off at sister's snobby comment

[Ontherocksthisyear]

This happened a couple weeks ago, but it has really annoyed me the more I think about it. I haven't come out and said its annoyed me, but I wish I had at the time. It's also not the first comment like this she has made.

Anyway, I have just finished a masters. Not that it maybe matters but I did this while being a mum to my DD, being pregnant with my DS (I had terrible nausea all throughout my pregnancy). This master also included placements, so it wasn't just a case of sitting at home writing essays. So I was massively proud of myself and hugely relieved when I finally finished and got my degree.

Anyway, I was out for my birthday lunch with my family and told my sister that I had finished and passed my course, she congratulated me. We were then discussing which uni her son was thinking of going to, I mentioned the one I had just got my degree from (not the best uni in the world granted, but not bad either). Bare in mind my nephew wants to stay fairly local because of health issues, so it's either the one in his city, or the one I mentioned (neighbouring city), or another uni in a neighbouring city.

When i mentioned this my sister screwed up her face and said pretty bluntly 'it's not a very good uni is it', I then said 'well it depends on what you study, it is great for certain sciences and the programme i was on is one of the best in country' she then screwed up her face again as if she thought I was talking a load of shit and reiterated how it wasn't a good uni.

Anyway, I am quite annoyed. I understand she wants the best for her son... but she knows I have literally just got a degree from here. I mean, I literally just told her and she congratulated me. Is this rude of her?

That sounds absolutely awful for you. Imagine having to slum it with people who only got a 2:2.

Very very rude. This is something my mother would do.

At Postgrad level, it’s a different playing field.

I’ve worked for 3 RG uni’s and in certain subjects at Masters level, there’s a very high proportion of overseas students (accepted onto courses because they want the fees), who have very poor English skills and really shouldn’t be there at all IMO. It drives the staff potty, let alone their fellow students!

p.s. it’s not Derby is it?

Meh. I am doing a Masters myself and, as a mature student with very specific requirements, I chose a uni which offered face-to-face teaching, a part-time option, was within driving distance and was accredited by a professional body. As an accredited course, it did not matter much where I get the degree. It was also much cheaper than the same course in more prestigious unis (I am self-funding).

I have been very happy with the course, teaching, opportunities and the whole experience and would recommend it to anyone.

However, my DD is applying for unis now as an undergraduate and I would not at all encourage her to apply to mine. Simply because yes, she can get into a much better, higher-rated one.

So OP your sister may have a point. It was still rude of her to say it out loud.

Great. Of course you and @Ontherocksthisyear sis are proud, and entitled to be. But why bring someone else down? You can of course think something, but need you say it out loud when it’s hurtful and rude?

Yes, but it's not about you, is it @KitsyWitsy ? This thread was about the OP's SIL and whether she was deliberately rude or just ignorant.

TBH I prefer a higher standard of intelligence on threads. I spend too much time helping people who are completely out of their depth when attempting to keep up 🤣

It suggests your sister doesn’t know much about universities tbh and just takes the Times review as the ba all and end all. FWIW me and DP went to RG universities (DP did his PhD at one too), however our son is applying for a highly technical, industry specific course. All his unis on paper are mid-level but for the course he wants to do all of them outperform Oxford, Cambridge and Imperial in terms of future employment, final results and teaching quality (according to Princeton Review).

Most people are ill-informed about universities. There isn’t really any such thing as a ‘bad’ university. Different unis and different courses will suit different people. As a PP said, Russell Group is just marketing.

She was rude, but I do think that mature students doing postgraduate courses are generally looking for different things from a university than school leavers starting an undergraduate degree. I did my masters when I was in my late 20s at a university with a mediocre reputation; what was most important to me was how well-regarded the actual course was (after 5 years of working in the field I knew what I was looking for), how easy the commute would be and whether they offered part-time study so I could continue to work.

Whereas 18 year olds - who could potentially move anywhere, don’t have pre-existing commitments like jobs and kids, and might know less about how particular courses are valued in the field they want a career in (or don’t even know what career they want) - are more likely to prioritise the overall reputation of the university, and be influenced by things like league table rankings etc. With that in mind, I wouldn’t take your sister’s comments to heart OP. Don’t let her spoil your accomplishments.

Your dsis needs to be less judgmental.
Her ds hasn’t started uni yet and there’s nothing to say how he’ll get on.
She could be swallowing humble pie in a years time.

Bully for you and him.

Unless it's a different Princeton Review, it is just an educational agency which is not related to the University of Princeton. So may not be as credible as it purports to be.

International ratings of UK unis are to be taken with a pinch of salt in any case. They tend to rate London unis above the rest, such as including Queen Mary but not Durham.

Yep. Congrats on your degree OP!

It was rude of her to be so blunt, but you admit it yourself it's not a great uni. I certainly hope my kids will study at better universities than the one I got my post grad qualifications from, although it suited me at the time.

She's being ridiculous. I got my undergrad in a uni that I think used to be a polytechnic. It was absolutely amazing, an incredible experience! I then did a MA in Oxford, and while it was a good course...the lecturers were crap. I know an MA is different but it was quite hands on (English Literature), and they only cared about their own publications.

Went to University of Leeds for my PhD; again, not a speck on my first uni. I actually still dream about that uni, am friends with the lecturers, and go to every alumni gathering I can!

The ranking system is bollocks, in my opinion, and she was incredibly rude.

What an insufferable attitude.

Unspeakably rude! I hope you said something!

out of interest where did SHE do her degree? Her masters?

Let her be she's simply showing her own ignorance with how systems work and the fact that it is course specific. You can have a very highly rated uni overall but on particular courses can be out ranked.
It's also quite easy for unis to inflate their stats for marketing especially in advertising by deselected certain categories such as sickness, travelling etc and suddenly they are at a 97% of graduates go onto further study or professional level jobs......a bar manager or deputy bar manager by the coding system used to be a professional level job btw.

Rude and jealous!

Congratulations on your Master’s.
I went to a pretty rubbish uni for my Bachelor’s degree so I consider it a real achievement to have passed 😉
Your sister sounds like she jealous of your success.

Take absolutely no notice of her. He needs to look at where is the best place for him to study the subject he's interested in. Congratulations - it's a huge achievement.

YANBU!

I think where you are looking to get a BA or BSc the rep of the uni overall is more important than when you are getting a masters.

It definitely isn't. I went to Hope University, which doesn't rank highly at all. Then I went on to Oxford and Leeds to do my postgraduate studies. My DH is a professor, and says no one gives a shit.

She's trying to tear you down. Very rude and snobby of her.