MIL and the Christmas stocking

[Lumpofcoal]

Major first world problems here.

DD is 4 and is very excited about Christmas. She has a Christmas stocking, and can just about read her name written on it. She’s going to hang it up on the fireplace on Christmas Eve and firmly believes the big man in red is going to fill it with presents. (They’re just little things - she does get a bigger present but it’s from us). She also has a new little brother - he also now has a stocking with his name on it and is going to be getting a few presents just to keep up appearances (they are coincidentally things that I might find useful). DD is very excited for him too.

Out of the blue, MIL has also bought DD a personalised stocking and filled it with presents. She will be at ours for Christmas and wants to see DD open it on Christmas morning. DS hasn’t got one. DH says there is no way she can be dissuaded from her plan without causing significant hurt and offence.

MIL is fundamentally nice - she’s being generous and just wants to do the whole Father Christmas thing again. I don’t actually want to ruin Christmas for her. But what is the best way to manage this with DD? It’s more than I would actually like her to get but I can’t see a way out of MIL giving it to her. Should it be from MIL? Or Father Christmas? And why hasn’t her brother got one? What’s the best explanation for her? And am I stuck with this every year now?!

@Lumpofcoal as you say your MIL is usually lovely, their family tradition was for the whole family to give gifts from Santa, and (like us) you do family presents in the evening, maybe our tradition of Santa stockings first thing and family stockings with small gifts from grandparents later in the day might be a good compromise? Let your MIL enjoy making the stocking and have a new tradition to replace their old family tradition, and your DC get to enjoy having a second stocking with some of their gifts from their DGM rather than waiting all day, win win! 😂

Well I was very annoyed when my MIL did this - she had already had her fun and I thought it cheapened the FC stockings - took away some magic.

We said our ones were Father Christmas and the others were from Granny. And it all turned out alright in the end.

But I will not be doing this for my grandchildren!

The trouble with Santa is that everyone approaches it differently, you have to be prepared with what you say in your house to keep the magic alive. I've always had relatives who said "oh, Santa left this at my house for you!". I told mine from a young age that Santa doesn't bring ALL the presents, just the ones in your stocking and everything else is bought for you, but some people like to pretend everything is from Santa - that's why Jimmy got a PS5 and Sally got a jigsaw. But it's not nice to spoil it for other people. So although WE know it's just those stocking gifts that are from Santa, if other people say different things we just smile and play along!

@bandicoot99

I also agree. So many people complain about grandparents on here not doing enough (usually in-laws), and you’ve got these loving ones who are just trying to help and not really causing an issue and it’s some sort of drama. Grandparents won’t be around forever, I had an amazing relationship with mine who did this kind of thing and I loved it. Surely it’s better for foster a loving relationship between them and your child. An extra stocking, god forbid!!

@Spaceid

Please don’t get me wrong - of course I want DD to have a loving relationship with her grandma. I just need to figure out a way to incorporate grandma’s plans into our wider family Christmas without a) offending grandma (who is v kind but quite easily hurt), b) making my parents/relatives feel obliged in some
way or c) accidentally giving the game away to DD.

I think this kind of prep might be what we need. Lots of relatives = lots of different ideas about Father Christmas

In the nicest possible way, MIL doing a stocking from Santa can be problematic.

We always had stockings from Santa at home (little gifts). MIL then would make a big song and dance of 'Oh look Santa has been here too.' DD1 got very confused at the fact Santa got her the same thing twice. MIL finally got the hint due to DDs questions, but I think it was a big shift closer to DD stopping believing.

I never did, it wasn't cultural for my family. They didn't make a big deal of santa. People used to fill stockings with mostly plastic rubbish and things that shouldn't be gifts, underwear etc. I think it's better to see Christmas as a season and space out events, rather than just one day.

Of course both children should have stockings and they should be from granny and not FC.

Xmas stockings are only for you to do - she’s being really insensitive so just tell her straight. Her presents can be given another time.

Let it go for this Christmas but no more stockings from MIL.

😂 I always got underwear and thought this was totally normal and fine! I’ve put some in DDs stocking as it happens 😳

I’ve come to realise DH and I have very different ideas about FC - I think he brings undies (maybe that really is weird!) soap and pens - DH thinks he’ll bring you a games console…

Just say they’re from her?

I’m a grandma. I have seven grandchildren, the only stockings they get is from me and the parents tell them it’s from me. If I didn’t do the stockings they wouldn’t get any.

Let your MIL do a stocking and start a new tradition. Let your daughter know that this stocking is from grandma, and her baby brother is too young for one this year but he will get one next year. There really isn’t a reason to blow a good deed up into a Christmas disagreement.

I would definitely stamp on this. Your relatives will probably expect a thank you for the things they got your kids, won't they?
We get cheap stuff for stockings. If Santa brings you some chocolate coins, Asda pens and socks and brings your mate a bike and a games console you're going to think you weren't good enough. I don't want to cause that.

I think you and dh need to find a way to combine traditions and make new ones. We had a similar dilemma and compromised on a stocking with small stuff and 1 decent present under tree from Santa. The rest were from us/whoever bought them. I don't think dd even noticed the different labels 😂. Just meet in the middle and have fun

@Lumpofcoal
one set did this, the other didn’t. It was never a thing. I didn’t get confused about Santa at all, or feel differently about either set of grandparents. Why don’t you just see how it goes this year? My grandparents had different things they did with us and there was no confusion or felling left out. There is enough room to have different traditions and it’s quite fun to experience that as a child.

MILs stocking does not get hung up and magically filled. It gets given in the morning along with other presents.

Santa does not bring the big presents, and he certainly doesn’t bring everything! I think the stocking plan you have is perfect. We didn’t get underwear, but it was smaller things to keep us occupied: sweets, colouring things, magazine, small toy or game, torch etc.

It really isn't that complicated!

Just tell DD that different families have different arrangements with Santa, because some mums and dads (and other family members?) like to buy mostly their own presents for their children, and some ask Santa to do it all.

My late husband would embroider this a bit, and tell them about his chat with "my good friend Father Christmas". My DDs are in their late 30s now, and still wonder what "dad's good friend Father Christmas" will bring them!

MIL has overstepped, it's not her responsibility to do a stocking from Father Christmas. I would explain to MIL that the stocking needs to be from her or it will be massively confusing for DD

The mil stocking is from nan. The baby doesn’t need a stocking by the sounds- I doubt your 4 year old will raise the matter though.

We tell DD nan’s stocking is delivered by elves…

Our neighbour managed to sneak them out of sight, and gave back the empty stockings a few days later.

Funnily enough I always had to be reminded which one was specifically mine, because my sister was obsessed with no one touching hers.

My parents put a big effort into Father Christmas, and it always struck me as weirdly selfish that my mum didn't even think about the fact that she was messing with what was important to other people.

At our house Santa does Christmas Day stockings and Grandma does Boxing Day stockings

God it annoys me when you're supposed to put up with this kind of crap.
It's the parents prerogative. GPs have had their turn!

A number of years ago My mother in law said she had "stocking filler" type presents for GC and would give them in the morning when we did stockings - in the days when I had a bit of control over timings!!

I said very firmly, in front of her son, that thanks very much but it was stockings from FC ONLY early the morning and the kids would appreciate playing with the contents. All other presents to be opened later in the morning and after lunch! I did everything for Xmas so certain things happened the way I wanted as their mother!

You would threaten to kick him out over a Christmas stocking?
OK then no drama there!!!