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Original poster

MIL and the Christmas stocking

185 replies

Lumpofcoal · 17/12/2024 13:11

Major first world problems here.

DD is 4 and is very excited about Christmas. She has a Christmas stocking, and can just about read her name written on it. She’s going to hang it up on the fireplace on Christmas Eve and firmly believes the big man in red is going to fill it with presents. (They’re just little things - she does get a bigger present but it’s from us). She also has a new little brother - he also now has a stocking with his name on it and is going to be getting a few presents just to keep up appearances (they are coincidentally things that I might find useful). DD is very excited for him too.

Out of the blue, MIL has also bought DD a personalised stocking and filled it with presents. She will be at ours for Christmas and wants to see DD open it on Christmas morning. DS hasn’t got one. DH says there is no way she can be dissuaded from her plan without causing significant hurt and offence.

MIL is fundamentally nice - she’s being generous and just wants to do the whole Father Christmas thing again. I don’t actually want to ruin Christmas for her. But what is the best way to manage this with DD? It’s more than I would actually like her to get but I can’t see a way out of MIL giving it to her. Should it be from MIL? Or Father Christmas? And why hasn’t her brother got one? What’s the best explanation for her? And am I stuck with this every year now?!

OP posts:
B1anche · 17/12/2024 13:14

I would just say "How lovely! DD can have her father Christmas stocking on the fireplace and you can hand her your presents in that stocking when we all exchange gifts."

OrigamiOwls · 17/12/2024 13:14

I think your DH needs to step in, she is his mum. Why on earth has she got one for one child and not the other (I appreciate he's a baby who doesn't have a concept of Christmas yet, but how to you explain that to a 4 year old, she is bound to notice her brother hasn't got one).

Chocbuttonsandredwine · 17/12/2024 13:15

Truthfully although it probably seems like a big thing to think about and plan and stress over now, it doesn’t need to be.

Just roll with it, esp given you say MIL is normally nice.

“oh look FC has left you 2 stockings… how lovely… “ and you move on. In the grand scheme of Xmas and presents and eveything else it’s unlikely DD will notice

Or, you keep your stocking hidden and let DD open a present a day for the 2 weeks after Xmas. We did this one year as DS had so much and literally melted. He’s never questioned it… he’s 17 now 🤣

Barrenfieldoffucks · 17/12/2024 13:15

My mum does the same for our kids (and the adults).

We have always just played it that the only stocking that is from FC is the one at our house and that gets filled in the night, and the other is an extra present/thing from Granny and goes under the tress with the other family gifts. They've never queried it.

I would query why the brother didn't though.

Hannaahhhh · 17/12/2024 13:16

I honestly can't see an issue here. I feel like you're overthinking this.

GrumpyCactus · 17/12/2024 13:17

So she has one for your daughter but not your son?

He needs to step in and tell her she's had her turn your children have stockings at their own home and that it's bonkers to have brought stuff for just one child and not the other.

Nutsabouttopic · 17/12/2024 13:17

You use your words. No mil that's not happening. DD has her stocking in her home to be opened Christmas morning.

Don't worry about giving offence, mil is not worried about offending you. She's had her time at playing Santa. This is your time. If your dh is worried about offending his mother ask him who he loves with and wants to continue living with. As for leaving your son out...I'm tired of reading about these family members thinking they can dictate in other people's houses. Yes I'm tough on boundaries but I don't get walked on.

ChuckMater · 17/12/2024 13:18

It's from he grandmother. Not from FC. FC fills your stocking, MIL has filled a stocking for your child. Explain this clearly, infront of child and MIL.

CoralRubyFish · 17/12/2024 13:18

I'm confused about the issue here? Kids like presents. I don't think she's really going to analyse where they are coming from

Jellycats4life · 17/12/2024 13:21

Keep an eye on MIL and favouritism.

My MIL used to buy a toy for DD (the first golden grandchild) basically every time she saw her. When DS came along he didn’t get anything because he was just a baby.

Well, fast forward ten years and DD still gets random little gifts and DS still frequently gets nothing. It pisses me off.

Spaceid · 17/12/2024 13:23

I think you’re overthinking this. She will love having two stockings. It’s very easy to explain that the newborn only has one because he’s small. I’d honestly pick your battles, it’s Christmas, let everyone have a bit of fun.

Whatsitreallylike · 17/12/2024 13:23

Stocking is from grandma, wasn’t that kind.

So confusing when people try to relive the Santa years through children who aren’t their own, it’s just unnecessary.

OhBling · 17/12/2024 13:23

I would be pushing back HARD againt the idea of a separate santa stocking coming with MIL because it sets a precedent and, if your MIL is anything like MY MIl, her gifts will be ridiculously generous which we usually discourage as coming from Santa. Partly becuase I know the schools hate it when child 1 talks about the lovely Nintendo they got from Santa and child 2 got a couple of chocoolates...

Growlybear83 · 17/12/2024 13:24

I don't understand the issue. My daughter used to have a stocking in her bedroom to open in the morning and then several times my mother in law brought her another stocking with her name on it when she arrived on Christmas Day. I don't think most grandparents woukd see the point in getting a stocking for a baby who won't understand what is going on.

SuseB · 17/12/2024 13:25

We nearly had this same scenario. My DH explained to his mum that to avoid confusion, I would be doing the 'Father Christmas' stocking and all the other stuff (reindeer food, mince pie etc). Anything else - eg stocking/presents from MIL - was not part of that at all and would be under the tree later, with the stocking as the 'wrapping' and the presents inside very clearly described as 'from Granny' as they were unwrapped. In our case I think she was just excited and hadn't really thought it through (first grandchild). She realised when we said this that of course the whole FC thing has to be managed by the parents really and she'd had her time doing that for her kids, now it was my turn. I do think it's important to set expectations early with this sort of thing so it doesn't cause problems later.

OMGitsnotgood · 17/12/2024 13:26

Fireplace stocking is from Santa, MIL stocking js from Granny.

I am learning a lot about how (not) to be a MIL off these threads!

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 17/12/2024 13:28

Ugh, my mum did this to our neighbour's nieces.

At the very least it would be polite to check what Santa traditions you're following so she can fit in.

(I may be grumpy because she took MY childhood stocking around to do it...)

TheSilkWorm · 17/12/2024 13:30

She's being ridiculous. It's not her place to do a stocking. She can give it to DD later in the day if she wants but not as a stocking from Father Christmas.

nbee84 · 17/12/2024 13:32

I think some people just haven't thought the whole idea through. We have 2 grandchildren and dh often wants to replicate things that we did for our 2 children over Christmas. I have to remind him that we are not the parents of these 2 kids and he ought to run his ideas past their parents first.

GivingitToGod · 17/12/2024 13:35

THIS
And I'm sure your MIL will get BB a stocking/pressies as soon as he has some understanding of Xmas.
I think u r overthinking OP

Richtea67 · 17/12/2024 13:38

Whatsitreallylike · 17/12/2024 13:23

Stocking is from grandma, wasn’t that kind.

So confusing when people try to relive the Santa years through children who aren’t their own, it’s just unnecessary.

Edited

This with bells on. My MIL constructed this elaborate theory about Santa visiting her by mistake and filling a stocking for DD1, DD2 left out...it was full of plastic crap and/or a duplication of gifts from us or other family members (despite this being communicated). DD1 was very confused about why this hadn't happened to her sister. DH spoke to his mum about it for the following year....she tried to pull the same stunt (for both DD this time), but we called it out and now she respects our family Christmas traditions.

Butthistimesticktoit · 17/12/2024 13:38

If it’s just from her - fab, how nice.

If she’s pretending it comes from Santa / Father Christmas - whole heap of potential trouble.

BUT - don’t burn your bridges, honestly. In several years time when you’re fraught and burned out and broke from Christmas expectations, you might LOVE a bit of help and contributions!

hattie43 · 17/12/2024 13:45

Be grateful she is a loving generous grandmother and spare a thought for those who have terrible or absent grandparents

ChocolateLemsip · 17/12/2024 13:45

First two replies got it right. No way would I be going along with that coming from FC. Otherwise it'll have to happen every year and you'll be filling up four stockings for the rest of your days. ;-) Coming from Nan, more acceptable. Still annoying though.

Behindthethymes · 17/12/2024 13:47

Sympathy. Mil did this one year, out of the blue. She felt left out because we had hosted my dps that Christmas, So she produced stockings in her house when we visited on Boxing Day claiming that Santa had left them.

The presentation was completely different to our tradition, and the gifts were a bit random too. Santa is extremely astute in his choice of gifts so they were completely confused and uncomfortable and thought it was a mistake and they were meant for someone else.

In the end ds (5) guessed that nana was making it up, citing as evidence that she hadn’t given them a present herself. I confirmed it with a discreet nod and then they happily played along, and humoured her. Just completely awkward.