MIL and the Christmas stocking

[Lumpofcoal]

Major first world problems here.

DD is 4 and is very excited about Christmas. She has a Christmas stocking, and can just about read her name written on it. She’s going to hang it up on the fireplace on Christmas Eve and firmly believes the big man in red is going to fill it with presents. (They’re just little things - she does get a bigger present but it’s from us). She also has a new little brother - he also now has a stocking with his name on it and is going to be getting a few presents just to keep up appearances (they are coincidentally things that I might find useful). DD is very excited for him too.

Out of the blue, MIL has also bought DD a personalised stocking and filled it with presents. She will be at ours for Christmas and wants to see DD open it on Christmas morning. DS hasn’t got one. DH says there is no way she can be dissuaded from her plan without causing significant hurt and offence.

MIL is fundamentally nice - she’s being generous and just wants to do the whole Father Christmas thing again. I don’t actually want to ruin Christmas for her. But what is the best way to manage this with DD? It’s more than I would actually like her to get but I can’t see a way out of MIL giving it to her. Should it be from MIL? Or Father Christmas? And why hasn’t her brother got one? What’s the best explanation for her? And am I stuck with this every year now?!

It should be from your MIL.

Our family have stockings from Santa (parents) for children first thing in the morning at home. We then have family stockings for everyone, adults too, after breakfast when guests have arrived (some small gifts and treats from grandparents). Tree presents are after dinner.

It came about because one family had the tradition of adult stockings, the other didn’t. It’s fun and we like spreading present opening over the day. DC know the family stockings aren’t from Santa. It isn’t any more confusing than having tree presents from family and stockings from Santa.

There's easily room for two.

Father Christmas fills a stocking at yours, which she sees first. This is the official stocking and will be special/magical in its own way.

MIL comes over...oh my goodness Father Christmas left you another stocking at Grandma's house!! Or, if you don't want to do that and if MIL doesn't care, oh my goodness look at the pretty stocking Grandma got for you filled with lovely treats! Yay!

(Grandma takes stocking home to use again next year)

One doesn't take away from the other at all.

I was going to say basically the same as this - my MIL tried it but I got my DH to kindly shut it down, as I was very excited to do their stockings.

Just talk to your MIL - just say 'so how are we going to approach this then'? and work out a plan. If she's reasonable like you say it won't be a problem

I do stockings for my grandchildren, but I give them to them as part of their gifts from me.
They know that they're not the stockings that Santa fills. They're the stockings that grandma fills with extra treats, just for fun.

Sorry but she’s had her time with her kids. The presents should be with her and she’ll just have to deal with her upset.

@CoralRubyFish Do you have a 4yo? Mine absolutely would spend the day analysing where they are coming from 🫠😂😂

@Lumpofcoal We’ve had to have chats with grandparents on both sides about how we will be following our own Santa traditions with DS (now 4yo). They all firmly believe that we are batshit crazy and are ruining our sons childhood but he’s not their child and that’s that 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 just tell her that it’s lovely she’s done a stocking but it’s from her, not santa.
DS has a stocking that gets filled by Santa (small gifts - nothing expensive! An orange, stickers, chocolate coins, toy car, mini puzzles etc.) and Santa brings one gift from his list. Santa brings toys, he doesn’t bring any electronics.
Grandparents etc are welcome to do gifts for him in whatever form they please - stocking is absolutely fine if that’s what they want. But it’s from them.
My parents think this is ridiculous. Everything from mum & dad should be “from Santa” and everything from them should be sent to Santa, delivered to our house by Santa and kept under our tree until they arrive to visit on Christmas Day and DS can open their gifts then 🙄
DHs parents try to play the “Santa left these at our house for you” 🙄
Its very frustrating!

Agree with the PPs here who say, MiLs goes under the tree and you say ‘look what granny bought you, how lovely!’

What you may want to discuss next year is whether MiL might want to shop for the stocking and buy 3-4 items each year. One year, MiL and SiL did the stockings for me and I just topped up with a few bits to make sure they were full to bursting. MiL realised at that point that stockings are expensive and full of tat, and stress-inducing, so has spent her money on an additional extra present since. But it was lovely the year I didn’t have to think about it!

Why did your mum do it to your neighbours nieces? This sounds so random!

Don't overthink it 🙂 I remember asking my mum why some presents from FC had the same wrapping paper as ones from my parents, and she just said 'oh he must've borrowed some of ours' and I just accepted it, I was probably about 4at the time. I pictured him sitting at our kitchen table wrapping presents last minute 😂

I think Mumsnet gets more mad by the day. Do people seriously worry about so called Christmas traditions? What does it matter if grandparents, or anyone else, brings presents in a stocking, bag, or box? We often did things in a similar way each year when my daughter was younger just because it suited us, but I wouldn't consider anything we do to be a tradition, and anything can be changed to suit the circumstances. Reading some of the recent threads I think I'm rather relieved that it will just be the two of us this year, and if I ever have any grandchildren, they will be brought up as Muslims so we won't have to think about all this nonsense 😆😆

Pick your battles, this isn’t one. Only the real stocking is from Santa the other is from Nanny or Nanny Christmas as my MIL phrased it. It irritated me muchly at the time, but it doesn’t really matter.

My MiL also bought the kids personalised stockings but they are decorations for in-laws' fireplace only. As lots of other posters have said- your MiL has had her own time to make Christmas traditions for her own kids, you should be allowed to make yours.

I agree with others that if she gives them clearly labelled as being from her then I'd go along with it, but I'd be really annoyed if they were also labelled as being from Father Christmas... otherwise come next year you'll have the expectations of two stockings for each child along with questions about how come he doesn't bring two stockings for every child and why did he do that at all when none of the stories suggest he does? The years that kids believe are over so quickly I'd personally not want any adult interference that would likely shorten that window.

This made me smile. I’m glad your DS was smart enough to figure it out!

I remember MIL loudly saying, during the build up to Christmas when DD was around six: “DO YOU STILL BELIEVE IN SANTA DD?”

Luckily, even at that age DD had learned to tune out her grandmother’s endless chatter so it went unnoticed 😬

It was a relief when my youngest stated, matter of factly, that he knew Santa wasn’t real. One thing they don’t tell you about is the pressure to maintain the myth!

Argh that would drive me nuts! And is the sort of thing my ILs would do! I'd say that stocking is from grandmother & the only FC stocking is the one at your house.

I have to mentally sit on my hands to stop buying stocking fillers for my dgc. I know their parents really do good stockings but the instinct is to do them for all the children.

Or he could kindly follow one of the good alternatives suggested, without reminding her that she has ‘had her turn’.

Laughing at the new baby not getting a stocking. My own mum didn't plan to get me a Christmas present when I was a newborn!

(61 years later, I obviously still have the 🧸 my dad bought when he overruled her 😄)

I hand over what I've bought to ds and dil and they add the bits to the stocking.
It's usually handkerchiefs and chocolate coins.

My MIL does similar things, but they always go down well with my kids. I don't mind at all because they only have one set of grandparents, and it's really harmless. I'd probably just have them say Father Christmas left one for you at Grandma's house—how fun! It won't ruin the magic, because magic can be endless!

Mt new dgc is 6 weeks and dd said not to worry about buying a gift but he has got a proper present like everyone else.

If MIL was just using a pretty stocking as a festive 'gift bag' in which to present gifts she'd bought, I'd have no issue with that. Well, I'd be slightly miffed at the use of a stocking but I'd not say anything.

If she's intending on claiming they're from Santa then I would (politely) shut that shit down straight away.

Santa leaves gifts for the dc in their own house here and nowhere else. I would make it absolutely clear to MIL that any gifts she gave were from her and must be presented as such and no exceptions.

Brilliant, I'd do this! It also explains why next year that additional stocking will not magically fill up with Santa gifts.

I and the grandma and I do stockings for my whole family. They're from me and full of silly things.

The children get their Santa stockings at home.

Totally separate. Easy.

I don’t think it’s that uncommon for first time grandparents to get a little carried away like this . DH just needs to have a chat so she knows her stocking is from her not Father Christmas and behaves accordingly